Numbers Game

Every now and then you have to stop and give yourself some credit.   How often do we look at the numbers on our screen and feel this underlying sense of guilt that we did something wrong or that we're a 'bad diabetic.'   As if that number has somehow become a part of our personality - I'm nice, I'm smart and I'm 16.9 mmol/l.    Before being diagnosed we had no idea what those numbers meant, nor did we know that at different parts of the day those numbers were fluctuating (not as much when we weren't diabetic...) and that based on those numbers it determined a whole book of things, like if we were grumpy, if we were hungry, if we needed to eat or if we needed insulin to bring those numbers down.

It wasn't until we were diagnosed that we realized those numbers were constantly changing, coming from 'out of nowhere' and 'ruining our day!'   These numbers that sometimes confuse others, 'does that mean you need sugar or you need insulin?'  and these numbers that make us feel good or bad about the way we handle our diabetes.  I think it all begins with the first doctors appointment to be honest, when they give you the targets and then send you home - talk about an impossible task to be able to stay in range always.

I remember after leaving the hospital, I was counting out 44 shoe string french fries, cutting baked potatoes in half and filling my milk up to the cats boots on the Shrek glass. I was doing all of these things that I was told to do and still was seeing high blood sugars.  After a few weeks in, I was getting concerned that my blood sugars were going over 7 frequently.  I felt like I was doing something wrong - I didn't think Chloe Steepe (Connected in Motion) was ever going over 7 or famous Nick Jonas would ever see double digit blood sugars - boy was I mislead!

I don't think I've met a diabetic that has said their blood sugars have never been high because they do everything perfect - and if you're that one diabetic - I'm sorry about I would double check if you're actually diabetic.  To never, ever, go over 7 was something I thought would happen once I was instructed on how to be diabetic, what insulin was and how to carb count.   To my surprise those days where I don't go over 7 are difficult and I often go low trying to attempt such a process.

I mean, it would be nice if I had nothing else to do, but to check my blood sugar every hour and keep adjusting insulin, but in reality I feel like that would be more traumatizing to my health then the blood sugars over 7 that I have every now and then. I think that we should really give ourselves a pat on the back when we get those blood sugars, even if we feel like it wasn't 'US' who did that it was just 'LUCKY' that we happened to have a good blood sugar.  We also need to start letting go of that high blood sugar guilt - just check, give insulin and move on - instead of feeling defeated or like a 'bad' diabetic.

It's important to talk to other diabetics because you can soon realize that they aren't a perfect 5-7 mmol/l  always. Everyone has lows and highs, days they don't want to check, days they don't want to bolus.  Nights where they're awake in bed wishing for gummy bears and mornings where they realize they forgot to attach their pump.

Kayla