Friday, July 31, 2009
As I watched television, a young girl told her story about her mother being diagnosed with breast cancer and with only a short few weeks of battling she passed away, unable to attend her daughter's wedding that was less than a couple months away. It made me stop and think, how precious each day can be and how unexpected our lives are.
Who is to say we can't be gone tomorrow? Who knows which day is the last? We don't know.
Don't count yourself out. How many people think that they're not going to be ill? We go about life thinking that it will never happen to us but trust me it's not impossible. I never thought as a young girl or a teenager that I would be later faced with a disease that is so life changing. I counted myself out, thinking I was invincible, all those diseases, illness and tragedies happened to other people not me.
Clinton & I looked back at old videos. In 1999, I was counting my Easter eggs while eating my Easter bunny and asking if there was any more chocolate. In 2000 I was stuffing my face at Christmas, extra mash potatoes and a couple buns. I found myself laughing, yelling at the screen, "eat it all because in 10 more years you will get diabetes!"
We don't know when these things can strike. No one knows the date and time of when their life may change and hopefully there are people that won't have to go through a life change such as this. But it is so important to not count yourself out. It can leave you in shock and confusion when it happens to you but you must know that no matter what disease, illness or tragedy is thrown at you, it's not a dead end.
I give my heart out to those who face obstacles each day. Those who are well aware of how fragile life can be and how precious each moment is. For we never know when our last day is, our last smile, laugh or breath, so let's start now, don't count yourself out.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
I registered a team, with a goal of raising $1000, I'd love to exceed that as well, but just to raise $1000 would be fantastic. Right now I am still organizing the whole thing but will for sure let everyone know how they can donate and/or participate in the walk in Brantford. Like I said in the last note, if you're interested just let me know, it gives me a better idea of what to expect. But let me tell you, I'm thinking big!
Other than that, I got in touch with Chloe who was a speaker at the Hamilton JDRF. She really is an inspiration, and we are planning on meeting up sometime. I am very excited about this! Anything to learn more, and experience more! Another thing is that I am hoping to some how raise money through North Park. I know that I graduated in 2008, but I still know some familiar faces there as well as the teachers. Besides that, I really think it's important to inform people about diabetes because it's being found in more and more young adults. I figure raising a little is better than raising nothing to find a cure. I talked to Sean McConkey who is on the student council, so I hope that I can convince them to possibly encourage people to raise some money for the JDRF.
Everything is going amazing, as far as getting involved. I am involved with Juvenation, which is almost like a Facebook for Diabetics. So I get great emails from people who are going through things just like me! I also get emails now from a girl I met through the Reaching Out program. Lot's and lot's of stuff going on. Keeps me busy and happy!
As far as my personal health regarding my Diabetes, I had my lowest sugar I have ever had since being diagnosed, 5.8! That is within target range, and I was so pleased! I am excited because before we know it, I'll be back to normal. Another thing I wanted to share was that there was a topic on Juvenation and it said, "One Word," Basically sum up your Diabetes in one word. I thought about it, most people wrote, "depression, pain, routine, constant." Then it clicked, and I wrote: " Change, Diabetes will cause your life to change, for the better or for the worst. I choose for the better. "
I know a lot of people are commenting how strong of a person I am, and that they couldn't be this strong. But let me say that yes you all can be as strong and open minded to this change as I am. Because when it comes down to it, it's my life. I don't feel like a hero, like I am the strongest because I am dealing with this, I feel like me. Except one thing has changed, my heart is grown 1000x bigger, and mind has opened 1000x wider. I love who I am more than ever now.
I never have had a day that I felt perfect. I can start off a morning feeling great but as the afternoon rolls in I may end up dealing with a headache or fatigue. It seems that getting your sugar under control is harder than it appears. Although I've had fairly good numbers, once and awhile it escalates or falls short. It's been 5 months and it's still shocking my body and sending it for loops.
The strangest feelings seem to hit me every now and then. I believe they are diabetes related but I can not be positive. It seems the odd time my toes will go numb, or I will become so tired that I can barely open my eyes or speak. I always know that these feelings soon fade but my goal is to try and prevent them from happening. I want to eat healthier. I try my hardest to eat the best of foods and avoid junk food but as any human does, it's hard not to have something from the, 'dark side.' I know that soon I will be going to college and I will be on a meal plan so I must get into the habit of eating healthy to avoid weight gain, high blood sugars and unhappiness.
It's not easy having all this on my plate right now. I find it hard to focus on the happiness and joy of things while having diabetes. Although I am glad that this disease found me, I'm proud of my accomplishments and overall diabetes is only a step forward rather than a step back, I still find myself focusing so much time on how I'm feeling rather than other things I once loved to do.
A few weeks ago Clinton asked me to go to the beach with him on a Saturday morning. I absolutely love the beach and in a heart beat, normally I would say yes. I always find myself feeling not that great and once again fearing that there would be no medical attention for me, I did not go. I know now that I should have went. What fun is it laying in bed not feeling well. I now know that I don't want to let an imperfect health day ruin a perfect day because in the end it all goes away and I feel just fine.
I'm sure one day, I'll have my first perfect day. Not to say I haven't had perfect days but health wise I have not. I want to wake up feeling awesome, eat lunch feeling great and go to bed excited for tomorrow. That's the way everyone should live their lives. With each day that passes, I feel a little better about my health and know that one day, I'll feel perfect.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
I've learned what I like to call mind over matter. Mind over matter is when your willpower can over come physical obstacles. For me I face physical obstacles each and every day, I must put aside the feeling of pain and stubbornness and push myself to just do it. When I have those needles that won't settle in nice and the finger pokes that won't draw enough blood, I think to myself mind over matter.
I've come to realize that nothing is impossible. I can't be scared and I can't give up because that is what will keep me from growing and learning. I realize that sometimes it's hard to push yourself beyond your limits but sometimes you have to search beyond the pain and fear and reach the other side.
I give myself these stomach aches. Just before I go somewhere, sometimes I feel this strange pain in my abdomen, like I need to just lay down. I know that this pain is something that I bring on myself, I know that it's just me being paranoid and scared. I fear not having enough strips, forgetting my insulin, losing a needle. My mind over matter skills have become stronger and I know that if I take two Tums that I will be fine and I go about my day.
The lesson that I've learned is that I need to give myself that extra push. I can't fear forgetting, losing or getting hurt because these things are going to happen once in awhile. I need to take these risks that life brings me because I don't want to regret missing an experience of a lifetime.
Diabetes may be a physical obstacle but you can manage diabetes without managing your emotions, mind and spirit. You must allow yourself to push through these obstacles and know that as long as you're thinking positive you're going to get to the other side.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Sometimes I forget who I've become. I forget that I can't eat a piece of pizza without checking my sugar, I forget that before bed I have to take my insulin and the odd time I forget that those large t-shirts are just not going to fit me anymore.
Over the past few months I went from grabbing food whenever I wanted to, to looking at the label first and going through my routine of checking and giving insulin accordingly. The drastic change has not yet settled but has become easier as time goes by. Of course like anything I end up forgetting all together that I am diabetic. For instance, today Clinton took me to the Marina for a nice lunch at Williams. Although he printed out the entire menu and nutritional facts for me, I quickly forgot my routine. As the meal was served I picked up my wrap and took a big bite, "Oh no! I didn't even check my sugar!" I couldn't believe that something I do more than 4 times a day had slipped my mind so easily.
I sometimes think about what it was like to not care so much. To be care free to the point where I could eat an entire chocolate bar before dinner and then ask for seconds. I wonder what it would be like if this disease didn't find me until college, or even later in life. Where would I be now? Who would I be?
Although it's easy to forget in the moment about my diabetes or about the size of clothes I now wear, I always snap back and realize just who I really am. Life moves so fast, you have to take the time to remember, live and love. I can not let my strength, awareness and positivity slip away from me, but I know in the quick moments that I forget there will always be someone there to remind me, " uh, Kayla check your sugar!"
Sunday, July 26, 2009
We promise our friends we will always be there. We promise that when they're crying we will cry too and that when they smile we will be there grinning back at them. But when does this promise become a true test, when is this promise broken or when do we know this promise is true?
I've had friends that I've known for years, some I met in elementary school while others I met in high school and some I met from work. As your life goes by you meet so many different people and they all become a part of your life in some way. Some friends may become enemies while others fade away, but there are always the friends that have stuck by you and promise to continue.
After being diagnosed it was almost like a test, who was going to visit? who was going to call? who was worrying? It sounds selfish, self centered and strange but to me, it meant a lot. I know that all the friends that I had around me throughout my life were great people. We all shared laughs, memories and tears together but really were they in it for the long run?
I'll admit, there are friends that seemed to push away. Whatever the case, reason or excuse, I knew that I had to respect them no matter what. It's not easy to think of someone a certain way, know them and grow up with them and then have them change. I know it well, that change is hard and adjusting can be tricky but I never thought in a million years that diabetes would create a gap from those who once promised me through thick and thin.
I am not my disease. I am Kayla Brown, the same girl that possibly played barbies with you, went on walks to talk about gossip, said silly things, laughed and cried with you. There are so many things that have changed with me over the years but deep down I know that no disease, illness, fight, fall, lie can make me forget who I am.
I want everyone to know, diabetic or not, that this promise friends make unfortunately isn't a guarantee. It isn't until you are knocked down, do you realize who is going to open their arms and pick you back up again. There are beautiful people in this world, I know a bunch, and that is the great thing about friendship. Diabetes has been the most rewarding experience of my life. I've learned so much about who I am as well as the people that surround me.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
This past week my diabetes was put to the test. I began working a full time week, 8:30-5:30 at the daycare. I really enjoyed spending time there, and working with the children but it sure does mix up my schedule. I went about this just as I normally would go about anything that I come across. I let the first day be the test, and improve from there on.
I felt so sick, I was tired, my vision was bad, my sugar was high and I had no motivation for the first couple days. The change of schedule, once easily done, now was a struggle and challenge. By the end of the week, I felt good, I wasn't drowsy and my sugars managed to stay within range. I knew that with anything I'll have to get used to the changes and try to help my blood sugars along the way.
Soon as I get into a new schedule at school, I know that these feelings will happen again but unlike before I am aware of the way my body deals with this type of thing and therefore I can better understand and prevent it from happening.
Life will have so many different obstacles for you to climb and jump through. You may feel like something is impossible or just too much work but nothing is impossible. With hard work and dedication you can learn how to better yourself and improve your life. Every moment since having diabetes, I've cherished every day. I take opportunities and turn them into lessons.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
It's getting closer and closer to September. It seems not long ago I was walking through the halls of my high school and soon I will be walking the halls of college. Without a worry in the world before I now carry many. These worries trail along with me every single day and will surely following me to get an education.
As September gets closer I have thought about what I am going to say, how I am going to go about introducing myself and my little shadow I call diabetes. I have had some practice, I've met people along the way, and now that I've joined a group on Facebook of Fanshawe students I have got the chance to talk to them about it. It doesn't seem to phase many, if anything they seem interested. "So you're not a kid and your definitely not fat, so how did you get diabetes?" a student asked me. It's this type of curiosity and questions that are going to give me a chance to educate people on diabetes. Of course I don't want to preach to them, act like I know it all or bore them with the details but if they ask, I know that I will answer.
I am sure over time people I am living with and that become a part of my life will know just how much I put my heart into diabetes. They will learn that I not only fight the disease ever day but I also embrace it. If only there was a book to tell them what I go through, oh right, I am making it right now.
The best part of this whole experience will be the fact that I can prove to myself I can do anything. A new lifestyle, new place, new friends, and a new journey will be possible and will only help me grow and improve the person I am today.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
"I give you credit!" I hear it every day. People that know me, people that meet me, heard about me or read my blogs all say the same thing. Everyone seems to think that what I do on a daily basis is something that should be credited and something that should be appreciated but wouldn't you do the same? Give yourself a needle, avoid eating chocolate bar after chocolate bar. It's something that I must do in order to survive. Sure it takes strength, bravery and heart to keep up with my body and its health but in the end I give the credit back to each and everyone of you for sticking by my side.
I never thought I'd be a person that someone would have to worry about. I thought that I was the most independent, mature person that could handle the world and whatever it threw at me. Of course this statement is true, I've managed to take diabetes and turn it into something positive but I ultimately didn't think I'd be the person people were worried about.
Before being diagnosed I had never been to the hospital for myself. I had never broken a bone, fell out of a tree, or twisted my ankle. The nurse said to me, "you must be an angel!" The fact is that I never really was in sports, or was an adventurous kid, so the risk factor was minimum. I never ran away or worried my mom about where I was or when I was coming home. I would say that I was a pretty good kid. It seems like I got through my childhood without many bruises or scars but here I am today with a few.
I am worried about more than ever not only by my parents but by everyone around me. My friends are scared I'll faint and they won't know what to do and my boyfriend fears my lows. Every time I mention I have a headache, sore eyes or a kink in my neck it all refers back to checking my sugar. I am constantly reminded to bring sugar pills, meter, strips and needles every where I go.
People hope that their meal is good enough for me, that they didn't make it wrong, that they saved the box and that there is enough to eat. Friend's practice how to take care of me, in case of an emergency, in case I can't speak. My mother shops carefully, being sure to pick foods that will work while my father will call and check on me to see how I am feeling.
It is as if I am a child once again in my life, when I am worried about every second of the day. I know and want everyone to know that I will be okay, that I tackle this disease each second and there isn't a second I wont. But I want to this to be known that the credit not only is for the diabetic but it also is for you.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Summer time just isn't exactly the same as it was only a year ago. Instead I find myself being a little more aware of my health and what activities are going to effect me as far as my blood sugar goes. So far I've learned that swimming is a good way to lower my blood sugar. Not necessarily doing laps but just hanging around in the pool.
In a way this is great! I am able to hang out with my friends swim around in the pool and then eat a snack with the girls instead of worrying about taking insulin. I've begun to realize even more that diabetes isn't in any way a wall. It doesn't stand in my way when I'm trying to be a regular teenager, it won't stand in my way when I'm trying to be a normal adult, mother or wife, it's simply just a unique thing that will follow me until we find a cure.
Today, I hung out with my two best friends, Michelle and Sam. Like everyday I find obstacles, today happened to be lunch. I didn't realize that time flew so fast and we ended up eating at 1:30, luckily my blood sugar was co-operating and was at a 5.3 just before lunch. I've find myself doing this a lot, forgetting to eat lunch. Overall with the great support of friends and family I am able to keep my blood sugars under control and in check, if I forget I need a snack I can depend on Sam asking me every fifteen minutes.
The important thing for all diabetics to know, from what I've learned is that the summer can still be a great and an enjoyable time. You can swim, eat, dance, party, laugh, live and still feel like you've got everything under control.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Many people say it takes 30 days to really get into a habit. Whether that be going to the gym, saving money or watching your diet, either way it takes about 30 days. I've now been a diabetic for exactly four months, believe it or not which is 122 days. So if you do the math I've had 4, 30 days to get into the habit of being a diabetic.
There is so much to get used to. It starts with your eating habits, leads to your exercise habits and works its way into your lifestyle. It changes the way you think about food, the gym and social events and it really never leaves your mind no matter where you go. I think that by now I've gotten into the habit of checking my blood sugar, giving myself needles and watching what I eat.
I remember sitting in the dietitians office, planning what I can eat and how much of it I can consume. I thought to myself, "I'll just eat tuna sandwiches and crackers every meal, for the rest of my life." Soon though, I didn't want tuna sandwiches anymore, I wanted peanut butter and banana but then I quickly wanted rice. I am the type of person that gets really hooked on a specific food, I will eat it every day for a week or two weeks straight but then quickly change to something else. It's just the way I am. In a way this works well with my diabetes. I can really get used to how many carbs is in a meal and be comfortable with adjusting insulin according to how I feel about it. Overall I eat the same types of foods during the week and rarely go out for dinner.
Right now I am really focusing on staying at a healthy weight and feeling great. It's really hard to wrap my mind around my new self image. I now feel more comfortable in a bikini and different types of clothing, where as before being diagnosed I would feel uncomfortable and upset. A lot of people comment that, they wish they had diabetes, so they could lose weight. Truth is, it's not something to wish for. There really needs to be a stress that you shouldn't wait for a disease to find you in order for you to change your health. You should realize that being healthy now can prevent diseases, illness and injuries in the future.
Friday, July 10, 2009
I believe that no matter how long you've been a diabetic there has got to be days when you just can't prick your finger right. Every now and then I find myself getting frustrated over the fact that no matter where I prick my fingers I just won't bleed or there just isn't enough blood to test. I can only imagine the sadness and frustration that a mother would feel trying to test their young child's blood.
When I visited Canada's Wonderland, we sat with people that are apart of the JDRF. At first I said to Sam,
"Looks like no one here is diabetic, no one is pricking their fingers, checking the blood or giving insulin." Until I saw a mother pull out the kit from the stroller and prepare to check her three year old daughter's blood sugar. I had never seen it before, a child being tested. I am very familiar with the process but just didn't realize how difficult it is for mothers.
The young girl quickly looked and took off. She ran onto the grass, hid behind a tree and sat down when her mother tried to bring her back to the picnic table. I felt my heart sink, I then realize that this disease is extremely hard, not only for those who have it but for the people who surround it. Soon enough she got her daughter to take a seat but she was squirmy and you could tell she was angry.
I give credit to all the mothers and fathers who are patient, loving and there for their children with diabetes. It takes a great amount of effort and support in order to keep your child healthy, safe and happy.
Checking your sugar can be the biggest pain there is, but it's key to staying on top of things and monitoring yourself. Every poke is a reminder that this is something that needs to be cured. Hundreds of red dots fill the tips of my fingers among calluses but I'm okay with that.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
The smell of funnel cakes fills the air, children are screaming as roller coasters climb to the top of the hill, can you guess where I went?
Yesterday, I was given the chance to go to Canada's Wonderland with free tickets from the JDRF. I brought along one of my best friends, Sam. We also received free lunch tickets too.
I knew that everywhere I go there is going to be another obstacle to cross. I am going to be in situations where I have to think fast or problem solve. In this case, it started at the front gates. Theme parks don't want you to bring in food or drinks, because they want you to buy their $5 bags of chips and $10 bottles of pop. I had just brought along some snacks for just in case, but I noticed that the girls in front of me got their snacks and drinks taken away from them. I immediately said to Sam, "Oh no! I need my snacks!" Luckily there is a pass for people with special dietary needs, but for us the guard never even said anything about them.
The park was really busy, and we had a great time there. Lunch wasn't being served till 3:30, so we snacked a bit before then, keeping in mind what my sugar was like and how I was feeling overall. I did have a slight headache all day but I think that could have been from two things, one being the rides and second that fact that our meals were so spaced out.
At Lunch we got to sit with the JDRF. The lunch was a hot dog, chips and fountain pop so it was pretty easy to guess the carbs, not to mention Sam and I purchased a large fry to eat with our meal. Overall my sugars were great during our visit to Canada's Wonderland and I learned a lot about managing my diabetes in a theme park !
Yes there were tons of candy, desserts, slushies and snacks but I knew that I was strong enough to resist these things. I also have to give Sam credit for being such a great friend since she was very co-operative with going back to the locker to check my sugar and also making sure that I was feeling okay. I think it's because she has experienced me in a low before and knew she didn't want to be in that situation again.
One of the things that i've learned over the past three months is that there isn't a limit for people living with diabetes. Everything is possible, there will be fear, anger, confusion and bad days but in the end you have to live your life exactly the way you want it to be.
Monday, July 6, 2009
I think that a lot of people think I'm crazy with a camera. They may think that I take too many pictures or that I can't seem to go anywhere without bringing my camera along for the ride. To me, taking a picture is like freezing time, a moment that you wish would last forever or stay a little longer or even a moment that you know may never happen again. We never know when something might come up, something funny, strange or just too cute!
For me, taking pictures goes beyond just clicking and saving to the computer. Instead I take these pictures and make scrapbooks. To me, scrapbooks are not just crafts. Yes you can buy stickers, paper and tools from dollar stores but those stickers, papers and embellishments all play a special part in a scrapbook page. Now you may wonder what does taking pictures and scrapbooking have to do with Diabetes but the truth is I've made a scrapbook just about my diabetes. It's always being added too and I think that it's the type of scrapbook that doesn't have an ending.
In the hospital I kept all my food menus, and my mom joked with me and said, "what you going to do scrapbook them?" Well since she knows me best, of course I scrapbooked them! I saved as much as I could, and even managed to take a couple pictures from my cell phone during the four days in the hospital. After the hospital of course the excitement didn't stop, I had pictures of taking my insulin, cooking with my diabetic cookbook, even captions from all of my blogs. I then moved on to the mud run, Telus Walk to Cure Diabetes and the George Canyon concert.
You see, you don't realize how exciting your life is until you have the time to look back on it. Think of all the accomplishments, memories and the people that come in and out of your life. With my, "Life as a Diabetic," scrapbook I have the advantage to look back years from now and remember just how it was like. Even now, I look back to the first page I did and think about just how far I've come.
I realize that scrapbooking isn't something everyone can do, or something everyone finds enjoyable but I still think the odd picture or two is so important. Writing a little blurb on the back about what happened or why you took the picture can provide you with the ability to always remember.
Looking back on previous scrapbooks I've done, friends, prom, vacations etc. I am so glad that I took the time and energy to complete them. It is a thrill to go back in time and laugh and remember things that really made you who you are today. My continuous Friends scrapbook is a good example of that. You notice that in the pictures you change just a little bit each time, some people are in all of them while others fade out but either way you know that they were apart of your life at some point in time.
With my Diabetes scrapbook I hope to show my kids, Grand kids and Great Grand kids. I think that it can teach a lesson that no matter what nothing can slow a person down. It's your own mind that slows you down not an illness or disease. It's up to you to keep positive, be ambitions and achieve your goals because nothings stopping you but yourself.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
You wouldn't think that Diabetes would give you so many different opportunities until you really open your eyes. Three months previous to today I would have told you nothing good can come from getting a disease, that you're pretty much just going to have to deal with it. Truth is, diabetes has brought me more joy and success in my life than before.
Those Diabetics who think there isn't anything to offer out there are not looking hard enough, they don't have the drive and passion to find a cure and really use diabetes as an advantage not a disadvantage. I've managed to participate in a 5k run, meet amazing people, walk in the Telus Walk to Cure Diabetes, and also meet Country music star, George Canyon and that's just naming a few things that I've managed to be a part of. A lady the other day said to me, "my son, he's type 1, would have loved to do those things," as I named off a couple things I'd be up too. I thought to myself, "then do it ! Let your son realize that diabetes isn't going to hold you down that diabetes can open doors, make dreams come true and guide you into a life you thought was average but really is defiantly worth living."
On July 2nd 2009 Aunt Lisa & I went to a private George Canyon concert at the Hamilton Warplane Museum. We had an amazing time, just being there was a thrill and we quickly hurried around the building to snap some pictures of the planes before George arrived. We got front row seats, although there were not that many rows. Everyone with a blue band around their arm had Type 1 Diabetes which gave us the privilege to meet George Canyon, chat, get autographs and a t-shirt.
I remember listening to George speak about living with Diabetes, he was diagnosed since he was fourteen and had much experience. I thought about how lucky am I, to be sitting front row in front of a Juno award winning singer, sharing our experiences with diabetes and really connecting with at least fifty other diabetics. It was an absolutely amazing experience, that I couldn't imagine missing.
After the concert I waited in line to meet him. In a way I couldn't wait to see what he would say to me. It seemed he spent awhile chatting with each and every type 1 as they passed him in line and shared their story. I waited patiently, but excited as Aunt Lisa took pictures. When it came up to my turn, I had a huge smile on my face, as he asked my age and when I was diagnosed. He couldn't believe that I was only a diabetic for three months and asked me if I had any questions and if I thought of any to email him. He told me some tips to manage my diabetes and really left me knowing that I can get through anything.
You see, it doesn't matter who I meet with type 1, they teach me so much not only about the disease but about myself. I've noticed the warmth and willingness to help from every single type 1 I meet. For those diabetics who think it's just a disease and nothing good can come from it are so wrong.
Every morning I don't wake up thinking, "ugh, I have to take a needle and check my blood," instead I wake up happy and I usually feel at my best. I know that I have a little extra task to do before I eat but it doesn't bother me, it's like brushing your teeth or combing your hair. It's a lifestyle change, that I am well aware of but overall it's been an amazing change.
I am so thankful for all that has been given to me in the past few months. Not only for the material things, like my new purple iPod Nano from OneTouch or the Wonderland tickets from JDRF but the things you can't buy, love, inspiration and knowledge.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Think back to the last time you went to a party or BBQ of some sort. Maybe it was today, Canada day. You know that at a party there are trays of food, the best nacho dips, spinach dips and bowls of every kind of chip you can imagine. Now imagine not tasting those things, having to pass up a seven layer nacho dip or chocolate covered strawberries. Well it may seem easier to pass something up that no one else is munching on but really what are the chances that the people around you are not going to enjoy the food being passed around.
I think that I sometimes forget that I am a diabetic. I don't realize how hard it really is when a candy tray is sitting in front of you and your friends around you can eat them without a worry in the world and you're having to tell yourself, there is too much sugar in that! Today I found myself munching on veggies until supper came around. Usually at home it's easy not to snack between lunch and supper but then again I am not around trays of food.
I won't lie, it's not easy to want to just grab a piece of candy and say what the heck! But I know that my sugars are still bouncing around and that I just have to give it time before my body can adjust. I've over come so much in the past three months that turning away from carbs isn't that bad. I just have these quick thoughts that make me wish that I was back to the way I was three months ago.
Until March 13th rolls around again I will not have experienced everything. I still have a birthday, Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving and many other events that I need to experience and learn how to cope with being a diabetic. After the first year, I am sure it will be easier. I will know what to do, and what to expect. But I can imagine there still will be days that I have no idea what to do.
I need to build an understanding that I won't be like my friends again, and that I can't just sit there eating a whole bag of chips on my own or grab a couple gummy worms every now and then. I need to build the strength to take care of my body and health in order to maintain a good lifestyle. It seems so silly to think I have to build up a resistance but it's harder than it looks. I find myself getting jealous of someone who is able to just snack or grab a juice box, or drink a pop. I'll be fine though, I know that I am strong and that before I know it I will feel like nothing has changed.