Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Eat, Bolus and Be Merry

Sometimes I wish that it wasn't sugar. You know, it was something like green food colouring or onions because we all know that sugar is the absolute 'sweetest' thing out there. It is in everything - there are carbohydrates in everything - basically. Obviously, not everything but everything that I want to eat.  Especially around Christmas, from the delicious clementines to the advent calendar. When you think about it, everything is a diabetics enemy, and not that sugar is the enemy but when you consider how much effort we have to put into counting carbs for mindless things such as a tiny chocolate in an advent calendar (not saying that I am that all) it ends up being a task in a half for a diabetic to enjoy the holidays, or dessert, or dinner or breakfast, especially cereal. Why can't we just eat in peace!

Speaking of eating in peace, it is the time of year when you are going to be eating around people you don't normally eat around.  The holidays are awesome for being able to share meals and snacks with family and friends; however, there are always one or two that are slowly but loudly judging you as you put an extra helping of pie on your plate or gasping when they peeped at your meter and it read 25 mmol/L. WHAT! It's the holidays. Isn't twenty-five a magical christmas number anyways.

We know that people are overly concerned about our well being and we love them for that. However,  just as a forewarning; diabetics can handle the holidays without being told how to handle the holidays. And, yes, maybe we won't do a good job, and we will have high holiday numbers and feel crappy and maybe even lash out on you for no apparent reason; however we got this... unless we ask. We got this.

Let us have potatoes, gravy or hershey kisses.  Eggnog with milk.  Fruit cake (or not) brownies and pie.  Let us enjoy the holidays without feeling the guilt of being deemed the 'diabetic' at the table. Let us eat, bolus and be merry.


Tuesday, December 2, 2014

We are Tired

So I took a break from the blog. For a few reasons, one being that I needed a break and second, I had no time, despite taking a break.

The last time I wrote I was doing very well diabetes wise, I was rocking the CGM and I was even counting the carbs in broccoli (which to me is crazy.)  Of course the next week while still wearing CGM I was fighting myself in trying to control my blood sugars which were bouncing up and down for no reason. I was not allowing myself hardly any carbs because I was so frustrated with watching the line fly up then back down several times.  I was frustrated and I still am frustrated with diabetes; which makes me believe with all the technology in the world - diabetes will always be annoying.

Lately, I have been having a battle within myself in regards to my diabetes. As much as it has brought me so much, i.e experiences, friends, connections, jobs.  I still think it is slowly taking all of me. I hate to say that because I really attempt to be positive about diabetes, but I must admit there are moments, lots of moments where I just want to pass it off.  I don't even know if I could pass it off to my worst enemy, I would like to just blow it up. Blow up diabetes.

When I do my public speaking, or I meet with the empowerment group and see the faces of diabetes, I am reminded that I am not alone and likely not alone in my thinking. While we are grateful for diabetes supplies, access to insulin, healthcare and support - we are tired.  We are tired of shots, we are tired of pricks, pokes, pinches. We are tired of constantly judging ourselves for our numbers and what we put in our mouth. We are exhausted.

And while it's refreshing, for most of us have the support and the push to continue. We will always attempt to seek ways of motivation and improvement. We know it takes only seconds to test, but understanding that making the choice to not test is just as easy.  We, including myself have to remember that when we take the time to do those things, that we are showing our love for ourselves and that we are strong for deciding to take action.  But also to remember that when we lack the motivation; that we are not bad people for it. We can never let diabetes dictate the type of person we are.