Tuesday, December 2, 2014

We are Tired

So I took a break from the blog. For a few reasons, one being that I needed a break and second, I had no time, despite taking a break.

The last time I wrote I was doing very well diabetes wise, I was rocking the CGM and I was even counting the carbs in broccoli (which to me is crazy.)  Of course the next week while still wearing CGM I was fighting myself in trying to control my blood sugars which were bouncing up and down for no reason. I was not allowing myself hardly any carbs because I was so frustrated with watching the line fly up then back down several times.  I was frustrated and I still am frustrated with diabetes; which makes me believe with all the technology in the world - diabetes will always be annoying.

Lately, I have been having a battle within myself in regards to my diabetes. As much as it has brought me so much, i.e experiences, friends, connections, jobs.  I still think it is slowly taking all of me. I hate to say that because I really attempt to be positive about diabetes, but I must admit there are moments, lots of moments where I just want to pass it off.  I don't even know if I could pass it off to my worst enemy, I would like to just blow it up. Blow up diabetes.

When I do my public speaking, or I meet with the empowerment group and see the faces of diabetes, I am reminded that I am not alone and likely not alone in my thinking. While we are grateful for diabetes supplies, access to insulin, healthcare and support - we are tired.  We are tired of shots, we are tired of pricks, pokes, pinches. We are tired of constantly judging ourselves for our numbers and what we put in our mouth. We are exhausted.

And while it's refreshing, for most of us have the support and the push to continue. We will always attempt to seek ways of motivation and improvement. We know it takes only seconds to test, but understanding that making the choice to not test is just as easy.  We, including myself have to remember that when we take the time to do those things, that we are showing our love for ourselves and that we are strong for deciding to take action.  But also to remember that when we lack the motivation; that we are not bad people for it. We can never let diabetes dictate the type of person we are.


1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry that you're bothered by your CGM Kayla. I'm sorry that being a diabetic has upset you. That is one thing that has never once in my now going on 50 years bothered me, my being a juvenile onset or type 1 diabetic. It just doesn't bother me. I know about the complications and all the concerns. I don't have any support, or any friends that are diabetics. I don't get together with any other diabetics. I don't look at my numbers like they are the enemy. If I go high, I don't have a fit, just like if I go low. I know it's going to happen and adjust. I wish that things will go better for you and within time you will adjust.