Saturday, May 30, 2009


There are days when I don't realize how truly different I am from other people. I spend a lot of time on my own so I've gotten used to my own schedule and what I have to do as far as monitoring myself and giving myself insulin. It's not until I am with a group of people that I realize how different I am from most of my friends and family.

I remember I had a small get together with just a few friends and we sat out for a campfire in my backyard. I asked everyone if they wanted any marshmallows for toasting. I remember thinking to myself, "I know I want marshmallows!" Of course I had already had my snack and to roast marshmallows by the dozen like everyone else was out of the question. It was a simple thing like this that made me realize that I was different. There are many of these moments in my day to day life when I am offered something I can't have or I offer something to someone that I can't enjoy with them.

It seems like diabetes is all about food. I thought about this when I was in my carb counting class. I kept thinking, wow all we talk about is food, what has the most carbs, how many carbs can we have, what's a good snack, how much should we eat. It's super overwhelming. I even noticed in my blogs most of the time I am talking about food. But it's a big part of being a diabetic.

Instead of thinking how tasty my supper is going to be I am thinking, " a medium baked potato has 30 carbs, I've got a cup of milk 12 g, and one chicken finger is 6 g but I'm having 2, so 6 plus 6 is 12 plus 30 in the bake potato 42 and the milk 42 plus 12 is 54 and every 15 g of carbs is one unit, 54 divided by 15 is 3.6 rounded to 4 so 4 units" Let's Eat!

Eventually being overwhelmed won't be a feeling anymore instead I will be used to counting in my head and be able to do it without even realizing that I am literally doing math. I know that with time and patience I will learn how to cope with being different from my peers. This will all come about in a matter of time and I am in no rush instead I'll enjoy every minute of it.


Friday, May 29, 2009

Food, Food, Food

Most of my friends ask me how I could possibly avoid eating a box of timbits or turn down a bag of chips. The point is, is that most of my friends couldn't even imagine themselves having to turn down a chocolate covered strawberry or a large pizza. In my case I've managed to learn how to resist the urge of a hot fudge sundae but that's not to say I don't want it.

At first all I could think about was food. I knew that I could only eat a certain amount of carbohydrates each day and that eating a full slice of cake was going to leave me barely enough carbs to eat supper. I learned how to manage what I ate and what made me feel full enough until lunch or until supper. I am still learning till this day what really fills me up and is satisfying as appose to something that tastes good but will leave my stomach growling for food in half an hour. Since I have only had diabetes for just over two months now I have not fully experienced what it's like being a diabetic in the summer, on my birthday, in college, at Thanksgiving or even at Christmas.

Last summer I can remember how much I ate. If my friends and I went to the beach we packed subs, candy and pop. If we were having a pool party on a hot summers night there were fruity drinks, chips and dips. All of these things seemed normal to throw in my mouth without thinking. Now it will be different. Yes I can eat, subs, chips, candy, fruity drinks, dips and pop but in moderation. I must realize that all of these things will raise my blood sugar and can be dangerous to my health.

Nothing is out of the question, but everything must be questioned. Instead I will have to learn from my mistakes, if I eat that candy and don't take enough insulin I will be high or if I eat that candy and take too much insulin I will be low. This first year is trial and error and hopefully I am successful.

I ultimately think that all my friends could be diabetics. It just takes time and adjusting. You realize a whole different aspect of food. You really admire healthy food and you become more aware of your body and what gives you energy and what is just wasting space. I've realized how important healthy eating choices are and that every now and then treating yourself to a treat is okay.


Thursday, May 28, 2009

I Called

The most common question I get is regarding how I knew I had diabetes. In fact I have received many, many messages in my inbox regarding whether or not I thought they had diabetes. The truth is, I can't diagnose you. I couldn't even diagnose myself despite having symptoms beyond symptoms. I know what I went through before being diagnosed and I'd love to share them but in the end the doctors are the people you should depend on.

In my case, my mom suggested seeing a doctor. She grew up with a mother who always was checking if her three daughters were diabetics simply because their grandfather was a type 2 diabetic that depended on insulin. Since my mom knew the symptoms, when mine started to arise and become more apparent she knew that I should get tested.

For about two months + before being diagnosed I had no idea what my body was up too. So many things were changing so quickly that I couldn't really keep up enough to realize what was happening. I lost thirty pounds, so my clothes were too baggy, nothing fit and all I could think of was how good I must be doing at the gym. I began to drink lots and lots of water and milk. I would stand with the fridge open and a cup in my hand and just pour. I wouldn't close the door because I knew that once the first glass was finished I wanted another. I often thought that I was going crazy. I was drinking so much liquids that I was constantly going the washroom. It was so frustrating because I could not get through a half hour sitcom without having to pee at least five times.

I remember asking a friend, "how much do you pee in a day?" The weirdest question I have probably ever asked her in the thirteen years I've known her. I just knew that something was wrong with me, all of a sudden I was thirsty, hungry and losing weight. The hunger was strange. It would come at the weirdest times. My deepest secret was around 4:00 a.m when I would sneak down to the kitchen to drink two drinking boxes and eat a chocolate pudding. I never told anyone because here I was losing a tremendous amount of weight and sneaking food at the wee hours of the morning. It just wasn't right.

For about two months of my life I felt like the world had tipped upside down and all of sudden I changed. I went from wanting to eat healthy to dipping my french fries in honey. I went the washroom so much that I forgot what it was like to pee only a few times a day. I had no idea what my body was trying to tell me, I had no idea that the more I waited and let this get out of control the sicker I was getting.

I can remember the day that I booked the appointment to see the doctor like it was yesterday. I was sitting around, just got out of the washroom for the 6th time and I thought, maybe I should call the doctor like mom said. I debated in my head because I really didn't feel like calling making an appointment then having to drive their in a couple days just to get my blood taken. Something inside me told me to just do it, get it over with. I called. I recall telling the secretary that I wanted a blood test taken because my mom thinks I have signs of high blood sugar. This meant absolutely nothing to me.

Now I wonder what would have happened if I waited a little longer? What if my sugars ran a little higher, my body changed a little more? Would I still be as healthy as I am today? Would I still be here?

It's one of those things that I will never know and I am glad that I never found out. I think that it is so important for anyone who thinks something is wrong with their body to seek attention. Whether it's a strange cut, mark, cough, cold, it doesn't hurt to check.


Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I Know How You Feel

I know that despite being surrounded by other people all the time, we all get the feeling that in the end we are alone. It's hard when people say, "You're not alone, I understand," when you know that really they have no idea what you're feeling or what you're going through. Even if someone is in the same boat as you whether it be one pregnant woman to another or in my case one diabetic to another, it still isn't the same.

Everyone goes through different emotions, changes and choices when dealing with things in their lives. No matter how hard people try to relate it will never be fully understood about how you exactly feel. Being a juvenile diabetic, I don't have as many people to relate with directly. Yes, I've made lots of friends that are type 1 but in my day to day life, I'm surrounded by non diabetics or type 2's. I try not to get mad when I am incredibly tired and I am too stubborn to give myself a needle and someone says, "oh I know how you feel."

I think it's human nature to relate to people. Think about the times that your friend was upset or someone lost someone close and you said, "I know how you feel," when really you had no idea. It's comforting to hear those words for most people.

I know that it's hard for me to even grasp how I feel. I change how I feel towards my diabetes each and every day, every hour, minute, I feel different. I've realized that when people say, "I know how you feel," that they are just being understanding, despite not knowing exactly what you're going through, their heart is open and caring for whatever support you may need. I understand that this 'saying' is simply one of the many phrases we use as best friends, mothers and guardians.


Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Why Me?

Juvenile Diabetes doesn't care who you are. It doesn't care if you're a child or adult and it could care less about your ambitions and goals. It seems every person that is diagnosed with type 1 diabetes asks themselves why me? You think of what you have planned for your future, how well you've lived before diabetes and the good deeds you did throughout your life so why you? Was it because you picked on a kid in grade five or the fact that you never put your dirty dishes away, what could possibly have made me deserve this?

I went through this phase. It only lasted one night. I remember sitting down in the basement with my boyfriend, I felt fine until I really thought about, why me? I really have always tried to give 100% in life and I never really thought I was a bad person or that I wasn't living up to my potential. I remember between sobbing I said, "I volunteer, I help out, I never have gotten into any serious trouble."

I realized after I had put my tears away and began to talk it out that being a good person has nothing to do with being diagnosed with diabetes. Juvenile Diabetes is a disease that is triggered for a reason that doctors can't quite point out yet. It is a disease that not only effects your pancreas but it also effects your emotions. It's so important to realize that it is going to be a tough journey and that there will be days when you sit and think why me? but what you have to know is why you?

So I say, why me? I was diagnosed with diabetes because I am an independent and positive person. I know that I can change the idea of diabetes and help many people that are going through the same ups and downs that I go through every single day. I have realized that diabetes has given me the gift of speech, not only am I inspiring those living with type 1 but I am inspiring people that are in no way connected to this disease. I teach people patience's, kindness and the ability to live life to the fullest. I was picked because we need a happy face to represent diabetes and to show that behind the needles, pricking and food moderation's these is a life of happiness and success.


Monday, May 25, 2009

What Means the Most

I always wondered with all the things in life, what really means the most? Is it our plasma televisions, swimming pools, ipods, clearance racks at the mall? There are so many things in our lives that get us excited and really have become such a big part of how we perceive life and go about living.

I thought that I couldn't live without my lap top,
pvr and make up among many other things. It seems that I am always doing something on my computer whether it be facebook or blogging. PVR isn't exactly something everyone has yet but to me, not being able to rewind through commercials seems like torture and it's hard for me to truly feel beautiful without putting on a touch of mascara. I really, truly thought that life without these things would be hard.

Who knew that this
mentality was only a couple months ago. In a short time I realized that pvr, laptops and makeup really isn't what makes us happy and gives us the extra 'umph' to be inspired, motivated and content with who we are and what we have. I embrace the friends and family that surround me more than I have ever before. It seems the importance of these material things look mighty smaller compared to love and passion that I am rewarded with from the great friends and family I have.

PVR is great for when you are tired of hearing about the newest cleaning product or vacuum cleaner but think of how great it is to meet up with a good friend, share a laugh and just be yourself. I've learned that despite being very lucky to have my own car, laptop, and other material things ,that there are so many other gifts in my life that didn't come with a price tag only a lot of dedication and love.

I know that there will never be a time where we all part with our
ipods or the designer purses but I defiantly hope that there is a time when we realize just how amazing it is to have such amazing friends and family.


Saturday, May 23, 2009

Accomplish & Achieve

For some reason in two short months I've managed to accomplish and achieve more success than I have felt in the past eighteen years of my life. It seems every day something new and exciting arises and gives me more drive and ambition to push harder and think bigger. I must admit that this great motivation comes from many different people in my life and I think that is what makes the success and accomplishments that much more outstanding.

It's amazing the great people you meet and learn about when being diagnosed with diabetes. It seems that there are so many amazing people out there that many of us don't get to meet in a lifetime and that's a shame. The opportunities that have been brought upon me and the experiences that I have now gone through really have changed the person that I am today.

Life seems to give us life lessons in the weirdest ways. We think that we are just being taken for a whirl, going through bad luck or that we are doomed to fail but really are these just opportunies to help us succeed? I know so many people who say
, "wow diabetes, that sucks," are thinking of the pain I must go through giving myself needles, pricking my finger, the upset of having to watch my carbs and monitor myself. If only they could truly know that diabetes isn't a death sentence, it's another chance to look at the world in a different light.


Thursday, May 21, 2009

A Promise

I promised myself one thing after being diagnosed and that was that I wouldn't let myself fall. I made the commitment that I wanted to be the healthiest I have ever been and that nothing was going to stand in the way of my dreams and goals. I think this should be a promise that we all make to ourselves.

I never realized how 'big' of a deal diabetes was. I remember sitting on the hospital bed in the emergency room laughing, making jokes and just complaining that I wanted to leave. I didn't think that being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes was going to change my life or make me any different than I was before March 13
th. Obviously I was uneducated about the disease and therefore treated it as if I had a common cold or minor headache. It wasn't until about the second day in my hospital bed that I really thought to myself, "this is serious." I had nurses coming in and out checking my blood sugars, taking my temperature and making sure I felt o.k. I would get up walk around, look out the window from the 8th floor and think, how did I get here?

You can't prepare yourself for what's to come. As much as we try and organize our lives and set goals there is always going to be something thrown at you that you will have to learn how to handle on the spot. I had to learn. I read books, papers,
pamphlets, magazines but truly nothing taught me more than the experiences that I went through being in the hospital and then coming home.

I learned that life is very precious and nothing can be planned. You can't predict what is to come, and what would be the fun of that anyway? I learned that I am stronger and better than I ever thought I was and that nothing and no one can slow me down, break me down or pull me apart. I am the closest friend, enemy and guardian of myself and I am the one that will determine just how far I will go.

I promised myself that I wouldn't let myself fall and here I am today, standing tall.


Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Two Kinds

It seems now every channel I turn on or everywhere I go there are signs, commercials, speeches, shows about diabetes. All these things were probably there before, but obviously I didn't have a reason to notice them. It doesn't remind me of my diabetes when I come across a commercial that says, "Are you diabetic! Do you have health insurance!" because I never forget that I have this disease but sometimes I get frustrated because I feel that overall diabetes is classified as a disease you get from being fat.

Now, before I was educated on diabetes I admit that I thought there was only one type of diabetes and it was from eating too much junk food. Now, I am sure a lot of people think the same way as I did. It's true there is a kind of diabetes that most people get from eating junk food and living an unhealthy lifestyle, and there are just people who get it in old age. But there is the kind of diabetes that I have, type 1 that has nothing to do with the food
I've ate or the physical activity that I do, that's type 1.

I was watching the
Tyra show and it was about children that weigh over 90 kilograms. These very obsese children came on the show and talked about their unhealthy eating habits and obsession with food. One girl stated that she has diabetes and Tyra gasped, "diabetes at age thirteen," the girl nodded and nothing else was said. So would someone uneducated about diabetes think that everyone that has diabetes get's it from being obese and not active?

It makes me wonder if someone who never met me, was told that I had diabetes would they think that I was fat? obese? lazy? I hope that with my notes and education about diabetes that I can make people aware that there are two types of diabetes.


Sunday, May 17, 2009

No Effort

I haven't felt well. It seems every day I wake up with some kind of ache. I feel like my body is getting used to the lower blood sugar numbers. I believe I've spent so much time being high that going to normal puts my body through a huge spin.

I woke up low this morning, and really didn't notice. It scares me that I might go low in the night and won't notice. I don't want to fear going low, instead I want to be comfortable with the fact that it can happen at anytime. The more I
experience lows and highs the more I will know.

I have to admit this is the weirdest learning curve I've ever been on. It seems they can teach you all they want through schooling but in a way you have to learn by
experience. Obviously they wouldn't teach you about living with diabetes in school but it seems I've learned about the body over and over again in science and it's just now that I am starting to understand it.

This week has been tough, I would say one of my toughest weeks. The reason being is that I have just been upset. I realize all the happiness that has
happened in my life but there is always that quick thought, "I wish I didn't have this disease." I know it's made me a better, stronger and healthier person but sometimes it's devastating to not be like the rest of my friends, eat whenever and not worry about the consequences.

Without the support of my friends and family, especially my boyfriend, this would be ten times harder. It's hard to imagine having to tackle this on my own because who knows, I could have given up by now.

The important thing that I learned this week is that love doesn't take effort it just happens. The people that reach out to you, support you, and are there for you whenever, are not having to put effort into it, they just do it out of love. That's a great feeling.


Thursday, May 14, 2009


It's amazing how many people are willing to help. I created a team for the Walk to Cure Diabetes in Brantford and at first I thought, maybe I'd get a couple hundred dollars and that would be great. You see, I had done fundraising before, for school and clubs but they never really had such meaning as this one I am doing now. I never connected to the foundations, instead I just collected money to get the cheap prizes that they handed out. I now realize that, that money meant something to someone just like the money I am raising today.

Today I
received a cheque for $500. I couldn't believe it when I saw it written on the huge cheque they had made. Five hundred dollars, it made me sit back and realize how beautiful the world really is. A lot of people can't relate to living with diabetes, it's hard to imagine controlling what you eat and your activity, while managing blood sugars and giving yourself insulin. Yet these people knew how important it was to raise money to find a cure.

I wore a smile today, and I was proud of myself. I really have never felt proud of myself until today. I knew that if I hadn't contacted North Park, there would not have been such a great amount of money donated to Team
KK. I knew that my drive and inspiration from the people who support and love me the most brought me to where I am today and there is no better feeling in the world.

I am thankful.


Wednesday, May 13, 2009


A couple days ago I had a moment. A moment that I never really had before. It was 10:30 and time to give myself my last insulin shot of the day. Like always I looked down at my ten fingers and thought hard about what finger I was going to poke. I seem to always pick my left middle finger. After checking my blood sugar I prepared to give myself a needle. I fixed the needle on the end of the insulin pen, shot one unit in the air to avoid air bubbles and pressed the needle into the skin I bunched up on my stomach. It hurt, it hurt so bad I decided I wasn't going to give myself a needle in that spot, my dad encouraged me to just do it and it would be fine. I pressed the needle onto the left side of my stomach but it stung, so I pulled it out. I still hadn't given myself my 11 units of insulin and I was ready to give up.

At this moment I thought, "I can't do this anymore!" I was frustrated beyond frustrated and I didn't know what to do. For some reason despite already giving myself approximately 244 needles I didn't want to do it again. It was only for that quick moment that I had given up, but something pulled me back up. I bunched my skin and stuck the needle in, I pushed the button to disperse the insulin and then pulled it out. It was painful, the spot stings and you can feel it but it's a pain that soon will just be another feeling that I am used to.

The needle doesn't always hurt but at times it is like a bee sting. You can feel it more when you've pulled it out and it often bruises or bleeds. It's hard to look at my stomach, the dots, bruises and spots but I know that it is for my safety and well being.


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The Sidewalk

I've started back at physical activity and so far it has gone great. It's a little nerve racking when you first go outside and run because you aren't really sure how your body is going to react. It was hard to determine whether I was feeling exhaustion because of my diabetes or exhaustion from being less active for approximately two months. Either way I knew that I had to find out some how because I plan to live an active and healthy life.

The best thing about running is that you get the time to think without electronics around you or people talking. It is just you and the sidewalk. I will admit I always have things on my mind. Most people tell me that I think too much and I don't disagree. In the past year
I've dealt with a lot of heartache and pain and I have learned of ways to deal with it and heal. I discovered running and realized that after a nice run, I feel happier and the upsets have disappeared.

We all go through hard times that we have to deal with in our own ways. I not only like to go for runs when a lot is on my mind but I also like to write. It's so important to me that I don't hold in what is hurting me inside, and I think that's an important note for everyone to follow. I had a lot to think about and I have tons of worries every single day. " Am I going low?" "Will I have a normal day?" "Why do I feel sick?" "What is happening," but despite these worries I make sure that I am aware of my emotions and that I know everything is going to be okay.


Monday, May 11, 2009

Don't Bring a Diabetic to a Buffet

'Don't Bring a Diabetic to a Buffet" - It's going to be my book title. I thought of it this morning at the buffet. It's not that I don't want to be at a buffet, it's not that I don't adore food.. It's simply like putting a child in a toy store and saying, "now don't touch anything.. only the playing cards and marbles, avoid the electronic gadgets and toy race cars!"

experienced buffets as a diabetic on my cruise in April. Of course we all know how that turned out the first time, and I didn't plan on crying over a dumb buffet ever again. But crying was one thing I committed to not do but feeling a tad bit sad about buffets wasn't something I could ignore. It makes you realize how much a human can really eat, beyond feeling full. I can recall eating say 3-4 slices of pizza and now eat 1-2 slices and become super full. I look at everything I piled on my plate before having diabetes and think two things, unhealthy and wow that's so much.

Buffets of course are a free for all. You grab your tray and pile the plates with massive amounts of food, not any kind of food but the best kind of food that you only wish you could eat all at once, pizza, potatoes, cookies, brownies, bacon,
waffles, ice cream, you name it, a buffet has it. The reason I would name my book, Don't Bring a Diabetic to a Buffet is because the whole saying doesn't only relate to a diabetic at a buffet, but a diabetic in life. It's a challenge in a buffet, and that sounds so strange but really, it's hard to watch people eat what they want and not think of the consequences.

It's hard to know that you can't eat all those cookies, cinnamon buns,
ice cream, potatoes, pizza slices.. in one sitting. Even though our bodies, diabetic or not have a hard time dealing with that amount of food intake, it's hard to know it's really going to hurt you if you try to push the limits like everyone around you.

I am happy that I have that wall that I have to stop at in a way, because it's better for my body, but I will be honest, don't bring a diabetic to a buffet.


Friday, May 8, 2009


When I look at myself in the mirror today I can barely remember what it was like before. There are many symptoms that I faced and one of the major symptoms is weight loss. I went from a pant size of 11 to a size 4, I know that size 11 was and is not a healthy size to be and I denied that months ago. It's amazing the change my body has gone through in the past few months.

It wasn't a healthy way to lose weight, of course. I am glad though that I was in the process of becoming a healthier, better person before I was diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes. I was working out almost every day at the gym and I was working on eating healthy, not to say I didn't cheat the odd time or two. I was shedding pounds week by week, slowly becoming who I am now.

I gave away all my clothes that are too big. I didn't want them anymore. Despite being diagnosed with a 'disease' I knew that I was going to stay healthy and be the person that I knew I always was. It is hard to look back at pictures from last year. In a way I wonder how I didn't do anything about it.

March 13
th isn't only going to mark the day I was diagnosed but the day that I truly made a promise to myself that I deserved the best. Not only in my physical appearance but for my mental health. I will not let anyone push me around, put me down or step in the way of my dreams.


Wednesday, May 6, 2009


There is always that little something that is always on our mind. No matter how hard we try to brush it away it keeps following us. Many of us struggle with these thoughts and try to find ways to forget them or at least keep our mind off of them for at a few moments so that we can accomplish our daily chores.

I like to think of my blood sugar as my shadow. No matter where I go, there is always a constant reminder that my blood sugar will be following me. Not only is their a reminder that I can go low or high at any given moment I am also reminded that I am in charge. Unlike most people's bodies who can create their own insulin, I am in charge of acting like my pancreas. I give myself insulin shots according to what I eat or the amount of activity I do. Nobody expects that they would be having to mimic a body part, it just doesn't seem normal when you think about it.

What is normal? I worry about my blood sugar and I worry about the effects that having type 1 diabetes has on my life. Although I eat healthier, appropriately and I engage in physical activity, there are strong complications that are linked to having diabetes. Despite my strong efforts to be at a 'normal' blood sugar level, I have not succeeded.

I will admit that it is more than frustrating to wake up high, knowing that today isn't going to be the day that you are 'normal' I get so frustrated that I wonder what could I possibly do to reduce my blood sugar. If I don't eat I can go too low, if I over work my body I can run into some serious issues.

I know that diabetes will be my shadow for life. No matter where I go, how old I am, how I feel, I will worry about my diabetes. The important thing is that I am prepared.


Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Beyond my Dreams

As a child we dream, our dreams are what we believe in and insist on pursuing. My dream was to become a teacher, have a family and a husband, nothing too out of the ordinary. We all dream of being healthy and we don't have a doubt in our mind that anything can change that.

This is my first blog entry but I've been writing since I was out of the hospital on March 16
th 2009. At first I wrote to let everyone know how I was feeling, I was simply just updating the public on my well being, not thinking that I was actually inspiring people. It wasn't until I started to get comments that I realized that my writing was actually making a difference. People that I barely knew were commenting and leaving me wonderful messages.

I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes on March 13
th 2009 at age eighteen. It was nothing that I dreamt of as a child that was for sure. It's amazing how many things go through your mind after being told you're diagnosed with something whether it be diabetes, cancer or anything that you know is definitely going to alter your life. For some reason the first thing that came to mind was, "can I have children?" Suddenly at that moment I began to think about that vary dream I had set out for myself as a child. Was this dream possible anymore?

I was assured all though sometimes a tough process it is definitely possible to have children. I remember the doctor's always asking if I had questions. I did have plenty of questions but nothing came to mind except that one. I knew that I could take on the challenge of having diabetes but I just wanted to be assured that it wasn't going to stand in the way of my dreams.

It's not devastating being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. It isn't the end of the world or even close. In fact I look at diabetes as the chapter in my life when it all turned around, when my life was extended just a bit longer. Do you know how healthy I eat now? How much I care about my body and my well being? How much I know that life is the greatest treasure? Diabetes didn't put a rain cloud over me, it brightened my spirit and my mind.

When I think about the opportunities that being diagnosed as given me, I can only think how lucky I am. Although I am constantly having to monitor my blood sugar, give myself injections and read nutrition guides I find myself living a better life. I've been inspired to dream with no limits not only the dreams that I thought of a child.

I look forward to writing notes on here and allowing the world to follow my journey.


Monday, May 4, 2009

Children's Knowledge

I was babysitting last Friday four children that I plan to babysit during the summer. They know that I have diabetes, I assume their parent's attempted to explain it to them before, plus I told them the first day I babysat them after being diagnosed. To me, it's amazing how much children really know. I didn't know how children would react to me having diabetes. For a child to watch a person put a needle in their stomach, or prick themselves for blood. I know grown people who can't watch me do these things so I just had no idea.

The children are so understanding despite their young age. They are always asking me questions about what I can and can't eat and how much I can eat. On Friday the children were sitting around the table eating their
McDonalds watching cartoons. The youngest of 4 years old comes up to me holding a single fry in his small hands. "Can you have this one?" he asked me. It made me laugh because he was a four year old who some how understood that I could only eat so much.

We are all on a learning curve, every single one of us. Through our lives we retain so much information and
experience that we could each write an interesting novel about what we know and how we know it. I think it is so important to take every opportunity that is handed to you. I didn't realize this until I was diagnosed. I never thought about how important it was to participate, push yourself and go beyond your limits.

It's almost like I took what I had and just sat with it. I want to be able to say I did what I wanted to do plus more. Clinton and I have entered a Mud Run, something I would have never even thought of. But when I saw it advertised in Chloe's F
acebook status I knew that I was going to do this. I want to say I did it! I want to be able to tell people about it and share the experience with Clinton. I hope everyone realizes how important it is to live your life to the fullest.


You're By My Side

My sugars have been pretty decent lately, I have had some highs but nothing too extreme that I couldn't handle. Once again Clinton & I ventured out to the movies, and this time I had a much different feeling when I walked into the door and was blasted with the smell of fresh popped pop corn and melting butter. Instead of feeling upset, I walked in with a smile. I knew that I couldn't eat the popcorn at the movie theatre tonight and that was okay! I was there to enjoy the movie and to spend time with Clinton.

Today Clinton surprised me with a picnic at Webster's Falls. I can't thank him enough for the time and effort he puts into every little aspect of our relationship. I can recall sitting in the doctor's office on Friday, March 13
th. The doctor had just told me that I would be spending a weekend or more in the hospital while they lowered my blood sugar and taught me how to live with diabetes. As you can all imagine, here I was sitting in a beaten cushioned chair with tears bursting out of my eyes wondering what the hell is happening?I text Clinton. He was on his lunch I had talked to him earlier, telling him I had to go to the doctors because something was up with my blood sugar. I text him, trying to explain I would be in the hospital for the weekend. I wasn't told yet that I had diabetes, and I hadn't put the pieces together to figure it out on my own. Clinton was worried and tried to find out what was going on, but I had no idea myself. I arrived at the hospital, and was put in the emergency room for several hours. Clinton was by my side the whole time, despite visiting hours ended at 8:00 p.m he stayed until I was brought to my room. Even then it took a nurse to pretty much kick him out. Every day I spent in that hospital room, Clinton was there. I never thought to this day he would be so involved with helping me. It is unbelievable how much a person can really reach out to someone who is need of a helping hand, a hug or even just a laugh. That goes for every single one of you. The comments, the gifts, hugs, and helping hands that are given to me mean more than can be expressed.


Friday, May 1, 2009

What If?

Have you ever wondered if one thing was different in life, how many other things would change? If you hadn't decided to join a club would you have ever met your best friend? What if you didn't decide to go to school would you know what you know now? So many choices that we make change the outcome of our lives. Sometimes I wonder what if?

I've always tried to think that everything happens for a reason. After being diagnosed I was at the mall and saw a key chain at Halmark that said, "just believe, everything happens for a reason" I had to buy it because it's a reminder that as much as you think you don't deserve what happened, it happened for a reason. Just believe!

I thought about something as simple as working at Smitty's. I dropped off my resume there, not thinking much of it, only to be called an hour later because I was hired. I never would have thought that, that simple resume drop off would make such a big impact on my life. First off, I met two very special friends there, that I don't know what I would do without now. They know who they are. I can't think of any other way I could have met these girls, they don't even live in Brantford. Not only did I meet two wonderful ladies but I also met someone who I am very fond of, my boyfriend. He didn't work at Smitty's but he was friends with the ladies. It all leads hand in hand, in which your life is made. It's amazing how one simple choice leads to so many different things.

In life we go through so much, big and little issues. At times we think, 'I'll never get through this' only to realize a couple years later, 'wow that was dumb!' We have all been there more than once in our life, we regret, get frustrated, confused and move on, only to think, what if?

This leads to me thinking, what if I wasn't diagnosed with diabetes? I know people say it's not healthy to think this way but seriously who doesn't? If I wasn't diagnosed with diabetes would I have just kept doing my daily gym routine, only to give up like everyone else, and gain weight back? In a way I can't think of positives anymore for not living without diabetes. I know it would be nice to not give myself needles, not check my blood sugar and eat junk! But in a way I think this disease was given to me for a reason.

I have met the most wonderful, beautiful people. People that well I met before I had diabetes. It wasn't until I was given this disease that I realized how beautiful people are inside, people that didn't talk to me in high school, didn't talk to me on Facebook, wouldn't know me if I passed them on the street, these people who were simply just names and faces to me, are now viewed so differently to me.

I am proud in a way to be able to get to know these people. I am also honoured to meet other people that are new in my life. People who share similar stories with me, and can relate to me on a level that many others can't about my diabetes. What if I wasn't diagnosed with diabetes? I would not know how truly beautiful my peers are, how much they care and believe in me and what I am doing. I would not know how far someone will go to make sure that I am okay, to know that that person is going to take care of you through thick and thin. I would not have the knowledge to inspire and teach people about my disease and the importance of health. Without my diabetes, what am I?

Today I can happily say that I am OKAY with having type 1 diabetes. I am OKAY that I have to live this life day to day, despite the frustration that this disease brings. I am OKAY to know that I can go low, I can go high, there can be bad days, good days and days that I don't know what to do. I am OKAY because I have beautiful friends and family. So the next time you think what if? Don't be afraid because you will realize everything happens for a reason.