Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I am not a PANCREAS!

Sure you can empathize with someone who has a pain in the butt brother, "ah, I can only imagine what it would be like to be nagged all the time"  or you can empathize with someone who has a sore throat, "ah, I hate when that happens!"  But really, can you really empathize with someone who has diabetes? cancer? a severe allergy? Probably not.

As much as people try to understand there are no two ways about it living with diabetes is a world of it's own.  I often think about 2 years ago when I didn't have it, I had no idea there were people around the world pricking their fingers and taking insulin, now here I am one of those unknown people sitting on my couch adjusting my pump for the crackers I just had and drinking diet 7up to avoid having to take anymore insulin for the night.  

Today I was completely frustrated with diabetes as the day went on.   Yesterday I was mad because my site wasn't going in and I kept bleeding which lead to me leaving my pump on the kitchen counter for a time out while I laid on my couch - grumpy.  Today I had to get my bum in motion and start booking appointments that I had missed.  One being a Endo. appointment and the the other being a diabetic education appointment.   Turns out these appointments are booked months in advanced and I have a job to do, get A.D.P signed off so that I can continue getting covered.   

Well, the D.E.C is trying hard and has scheduled me in on Friday for an appointment; however, the Endo. is gone and who knows when I would ever see him again.   However, there is a new endocrinologist  in town and I may be lucky enough to get her as long as my family doctor sends a referral (Fingers Crossed). If that is the case and my A1C is decent I shouldn't have a problem keeping my pump, but if this doesn't work out, my pump may be taking a longer time out than expected.  

Along with this I am trying to prepare for school, finishing off work, organizing my other appointments... all of this at once.   Which brings me back to empathy and diabetes.   I honestly cannot spend all my time and effort on diabetes and I think for doctors and nurses this is either hard to believe or not acceptable.  I know that I don't have perfect blood sugars and I know that my A1C probably will be higher (Duh, it's summertime!)   I realize that the doctors and nurses do not have diabetes and I understand that diabetes is easy to explain in simple terms, yet it is isn't easy to live.   

I just hope that people can understand that although this disease is 24/7 - finding the time and balance can be difficult.   Jeez, I am not a PANCREAS!


Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The Start to Something New

It is almost school time and I am ready to begin.  After spending May travelling, June relaxing and July and August working I am ready to get back to school as well as see all my friends and create some new memories!  I haven't been writing too much on my blog lately, but it is because I have been pretty busy and have just been doing my daily routine with diabetes and paying a lot of attention to other things in my life.

Right now I am working on my to-do list before I head back to school.  I completed my G licence today which was a  huge relief after failing last year. Now I don't have to worry about another driving test until I am what? 80?  Very thankful for that!  Way to stressful.  One thing that does relate to diabetes and this situation is that they had asked if I had any illness or disease: including heart or diabetes...  and the guy sort of skimmed this by me and was about to check, "no" until I interrupted him with, I have diabetes....    I bet he wanted to say, "but you don't look diabetic..."

Anyways, so I am moving back to London on Friday and start school on Thursday (next week).   I am planning on organizing my room since I am going to be bringing up all that little things plus clothes that are still here in Brantford.    I am planning on staying in London for most weekends... that is just the plan for now.

So far, diabetes has been just diabetes.  Nothing too exciting has occurred besides getting frustrated with my pump every now and then.  But, don't we all (all the diabetics).


Friday, August 26, 2011

Don't Blink

It seems that life doesn't change over time, it changes in an instant.  With tragic events all over the world that effect large groups of people, we know for sure that life can turn upside down in moments. But, forget  the moments that effect an entire country for a second and focus on the events that happen to your neighbours, coworkers and family members.

It's hard to sympathize with those you don't know or for places you've never been.  Yet, we try hard, those of us that are empathic to put ourselves in the heels, boots or flip flops of another person. For me, I am constantly wondering what it would be like to live another person's life for a day or too. What kind of lessons would I learn?

In the past little bit I have experienced a bunch and all of the things have changed or altered my view or possibly just put a pre-existing view into to better focus.   Anyone in Southern Ontario knows that the past couple weeks have been filled with mother nature scares and most recently closer to my home, an explosion.

I know I am not a reporter of any kind, nor is this the purpose of the blog; however, all of these events have sent out a clear message to me at least, "Don't take a single second for granted - don't blink." We truly don't know when our last breath, tear, laugh or smile is and if we take the time to appreciate it all while we are here it makes it clearer why we are all living, breathing, crying, laughing and smiling.  

After being diagnosed with diabetes I knew that I couldn't take life for granted anymore.  I had perfect health one second and then a disease the next.  I learned a huge lesson that day that I have never forgot and have always lived with. It truly has gotten me through a lot in my life and I wish I had this life lesson when I was a teenager.    

We can't change what has happend, but we can make what is next better.  We need to appreciate everything that does happen as well, we can't ignore history, we need to take little lessons from it and apply them to our future.  

I guess, the past couple days, more recently last night after the huge explosion - I began to realize just how important that simple life lesson I had taught myself two years ago.  Don't blink.


Thursday, August 18, 2011

Diabetes Slump

I am trying to think of a good name to label it, but the best I can think of is the diabetes slump.   Basically I have had diabetes for almost 3 years (in March) and I am ready to ditch it.  Well, okay, diabetes has brought me a lot of good in my life and I would never take back any of that for anything; however, checking my blood sugar often and dealing with the insulin pump sometimes is a huge hassle.

I am sure any diabetic right now is bobbing their head up and down agreeing with me  Knowing that we aren't going to give up on diabetes; yet, at times it is the most annoying thing in the world. I can just imagine the day of the cure when thousands and thousands of diabetic go running through fields throwing their insulin pumps in the air and meters never to be picked up again.  

This disease is like a shadow that you can't run away from.  But, before I get concerned emails and messages about how I am feeling, everyone knows I don't give up and I am not about to throw my insulin pump into the pool (it is medtronic i.e not waterproof)  or stop purchasing strips -  I am going to get through this diabetes slump and pull through.


Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Goodnight & Don't Let Diabetes Keep You Up All Night!

I find it pretty amazing how my body can let me know that I have low blood sugar.  You know that little voice in your head often portrayed in movies as the little devil or angel on your shoulder, well mine, his name is diabetes and he is always letting me know what's up.

Last night around 2am I felt a little strange..not shaking, not sweaty - just strange.  I began to think of some good food that I would like to eat, and then it hit me, "hey you're probably low!"   When I got out of bed and put my glasses on,  I realized my vision was a little off and my muscles felt a little weak, so I went forth with the whole routine.

I checked my sugar, 3.4 and then grabbed a couple things to eat.  All the diabetics right now are probably like, "what did you grab? what did you grab?"  Well, I grabbed cookies, but you can't have cookies with milk, so I also poured myself a glass of milk, after having one cookie, I decided I didn't want to have cookies, so I started to search again finding Cheesies, but I had one and it was stale, so I then resorted to a Flakie (pastry snack) and then went back to bed.

Going low at night isn't always the most fun because first you don't want to get out of bed and second you aren't feeling like eating a whole meal, but diabetes will make you feel like you need too.  I often go to bed after feeling bloated and sick because of all the food 'diabetes' made me eat!

In September; however, I will be living in my apartment and my bedroom is conveniently located right outside the kitchen - imagine that!


Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Diabetic Barbie

Eventually new things become old things and we just get used to what is handed to us.  Our life doesn't seem as exciting as it does to a stranger because we live in it.   It wasn't until recently did I realize that I do, do a lot and really do sound like Barbie at times...diabetic barbie that is.

An old friend from high school told me to look at all I have accomplished since I got diabetes.  I honestly had no idea he even noticed... I realize that I broadcast it on here and Facebook a lot, but to really hear it in person made me step back and appreciate myself.

I haven't always been a strong person, but everyone goes through those stages where they wonder what they have to offer to the world.  I guess it hit me when I was diagnosed that I am capable of so much more than I even thought I was, and most of all than some people in my life had given me credit for.

To think now that I have stood in front of a crowd of 500 and told the story of me, I have been interviewed by the newspaper to tell, well, the story of me.   I know that I have accomplished something worth sharing and that no matter what life throws at me I am ready to take it on and turn it into something good.

I guess if I were to give any advice at this moment it would be to keep your chin up and don't look back. Yes, you thought some things were forever that turned out to be a short while, yes you thought somethings were the end of the road that were only a bump in the road - I realize at times things seem like a big deal and turn out to be nothing at all, but we just have to keep our chin up and don't look back.


Monday, August 8, 2011

New Chapters

So, everyone probably wondered why I haven't written for such a long time. To be honest, diabetes as much as it has to be 24/7 I have sort of put it on the back burner for awhile.   My life honestly has once again done a 360 and with that being said a lot of changes have been made.  A lot of rearranging, sorting and understanding had to be done.  

Diabetes never went away during this and of course I had to deal with diabetes and a break up with as much courage and strength as I could.  Meaning, despite not wanting to eat, I had too.  Now, I am back to normal and diabetes, well it is just diabetes.

For a little while I wasn't sure when I was going to come back to this, I knew that I would eventually, but wasn't sure how soon it would be.  I knew my readers would forgive me, but as I sat in bed tonight I realized that writing in this blog is apart of my life that I enjoy and it was time to get back to it.

So, what does life bring now?  Well, I am finishing up the summer by working as per usual, and in between I am trying to soak up as much sun and fun as I can.   Soon school will start and my schedule will be totally different and once again life will do a 360.   Just like the seasons, my life is changing constantly.

I can predict some new chapters however, regarding diabetes and dating and all that fun stuff.   Yes, the joy of describing diabetes.     Either way I know there are thousands of diabetic boys and girls wondering the same thing, so let me figure it out and let you know this year.

I predict some big things this year, just have a feeling that I am going to get a lot of good things accomplished and prove that whatever life happens to throw at me I am willing to deal with, despite already proving this several times.

But, I wanted to write tonight to let you know I'm BACK! Let's do this.