Sunday, August 30, 2009

Make a Change

I begin another one of the biggest changes in my life tomorrow. It seems like 2009 was my year to change simply because it's been one thing after the other. I can't explain how excited I am to begin a brand new chapter of my life in London, Ontario. It's as if I have been a caterpillar all my life only to soon become the beautiful butterfly that I've always dreamt of becoming.

The days have gone by so fast. It seems like I just had decided I was going to move away but now it's finally here. I think the biggest change is going to be the fact that no one has any idea of who I am. I am so used to people knowing who I am, what I am all about and most importantly about my health and now I am being put into a situation where no one knows about me.

I think that panicking is not an option. I know that it's so easy to scare yourself before you do anything that seems out of the ordinary, but I keep saying panicking is not an option for you. With stress comes horrible sugars and that is not something I want to have to deal with on top of all this chaos. I must stay calm and positive throughout this experience.

I guess the whole diabetes aspect of this is playing a huge part in my nerves. I think if I didn't have diabetes this transition would still be hard but not as frightening. I can admit that I am scared that people aren't going to understand my disease. That people will think it's nothing serious and therefore take it lightly. I know that people will be like this because I've dealt with people like this before. I realize that a lot of people have diabetes but it's not as simple as it seems.

I am scared that now my support is over 100 kilometres away. That my boyfriend who knows exactly how I live, how I think and how I manage my diabetes is not going to be able to spend as much time with me. I am in tears writing this note because I've realize that this change is something that I never imagined doing and that I truly don't know how I am going to manage but I know that I can.

Diabetes isn't the end of the world but I will not sweeten this up it's the hardest thing that I have ever been through in my entire life. It effects absolutely everything that I go through, dinner with the girls, long lines ups at Walmart, moving away to school, it just doesn't matter where I am, what I am doing, I always have to think about my diabetes.

I said to the reporter that I want to make diabetes easier for that girl that's eighteen and sitting in the hospital not knowing what to do. I want not only medical papers to fill her side table but also my blog so that she knows she can succeed. I guess I just felt so lost when I was first diagnosed that I realized that it's not fair for anyone else to feel the same way. I want to make a change like no other person has done before.

I am making a promise to not only the people that follow my blog but also to those who are diagnosed with diabetes or in the future will become diabetic. I promise I will not stop this blog. This blog will follow me throughout my life like my very own shadow. I will not hide my emotions, lie or underplay how I am feeling in these blogs because that is not the truth. I do not care if what I write is embarrassing to some, strange or different because I know that this is a true reflection of my life. I promise to make a change.


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