Today is the big day - two years ago I had spent today sitting in a waiting room at my family doctors being told that I had diabetes by a supply doctor who didn't even know my name. He made calls while he swapped me in and out of the room and I was there until the lights went out in the waiting room.
I was in the room that was mostly meant for babies and their mothers - I remember reading the posters on the wall of how big your baby should be at specific points in their life. I had no idea that I was about to begin a crazy adventure unlike anything a poster could ever point out.
I was told despite having a sugar of 24 that I could drive home and pack my bags to be emitted to the hospital - I didn't even cry on the way home. I don't remember what I was thinking I simply went home and my mom had already began packing for me and was ready to drive me to the hospital.
In the emergency room I took a bed that I felt was more deserving to someone else. I was not sick, I was not dying, I did not need that bed. There were people so sick and frail lined up in the hallways and there I was sitting up right, feet dangling off the side of the bed, fully dressed in the clothes I had worn that day. I remember thinking, "I probably should have showered this morning" I didn't know I'd be seeing this many people.
My mom and dad sat beside with me most of the time and eventually Clinton came. I cannot remember how many times I asked, "is this like, serious?" Wow, did I not know anything or what? The doctors weren't too picky on watching me and they never even fed me at dinner, so my parents got me a sandwich from Tim Hortons. Maybe this is why I didn't think it was too serious?
I remember it was nearing midnight when Clinton was suggesting he let me rest (I was still in the E.R) My parents had already left and he had just sat bedside next to me as we laughed about the person beside us that was visiting a relative talking about all the spicy food you can get at Popeye's, "spicy chicken, spicy rice, spicy fries..." When he suggested leaving I instantly broke down. I did not want to be left alone.
Eventually I was taken to my room on the 8th floor (paediatrics) and for some reason they insisted on wheeling me in my bed when I clearly could have walked. I never met my roommate that night, but I heard her voice and was scared for some reason. Clinton eventually left with the nurses order and I didn't feel so alone with the nurse by my side.
Well it turned out that my roommate was a lovely 80 or so old woman and I stayed in that room for 4 days with her, often leaving to walk around (and getting in trouble for doing so!) I spent some time in the playroom watching t.v while the other kids played, after all I was eighteen, I could have been the playroom babysitter.
Those moments are so vivid in my mind and I know I must have wrote about them before. It feels like just yesterday, yet I cannot imagine my life without diabetes. It has become a part of me that will never and can never be erased. At times I wish that there was no such thing and wonder why me? what in the world did I do to deserve such a thing? But I know I did nothing wrong - diabetes isn't given to someone because they are a bad person.
Diabetes is something that I can handle. I can handle this disease and it is not taking over my life. I can control my diabetes as much as it requires my undivided attention most of the time. These past two years have been a roller coaster, but for the most part I have been riding a smooth ride.
I have been completely blessed and that is the first time I have ever said that. When I look back on these past two years I have grown so much and I have gained so much. I have felt what it feels like to be alive emotionally and physically. I am the best me that I can be because of this disease.
If this is what can happen in two years, I look forward to the many, many, many other years that are to come. I feel amazing and wouldn't trade my life for another any day. I am the most grateful today than I ever have been. I am grateful for being alive, healthy and loved.
Thank you to every single person who has entered my life with all intentions to be there for me, support me and inspire me. Thank you for giving me the strength and courage and the motivation to continue what I do. My blogs would have never been so impact-full and full of endless chapters if it wasn't for my dedicated readers.
Thank you for the best two years of my life.