Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Irrational Feelings

Ocean in Cuba 2016
Diabetes isn't just about the highs and lows of blood sugar. It also is about the highs and lows of moods.  I haven't met a single diabetic that hasn't had diabetes effect their mood. Even if it's a symptom of a high or low, being moody and having diabetes seems to go hand in hand.

When I was partially still living at home [between school years] I can recall my mom always telling me to check my sugar because I was in a rage, like a tornado tearing its path.  I would slam the chairs in, scream at my mom, dad or brother and would really just have no control over how I felt.  I knew in my mind that I was being irrational but I literally could not stop. Unfortunately, this wave of emotions hasn't stopped.

There are times when I am totally being irrational, and my poor boyfriend takes the hit.   I get stand-offish, mean and stubborn. I resist comfort, help and dare anyone ask me to check my blood sugar. I know it has to do with regulation of blood sugar, going really high or low, and especially if it's rapidly dropping.  The sad part is the fact that I am aware that my emotions are irrational, yet I cannot seem to flick the switch until my blood sugar is stable and I've had something to eat.

Hangry is a real thing, hunger & anger go hand in hand. But, the issue is that it's not always easy to explain that to the ones we are hurting when we are in a mood of 'no-reason.'  I have made a plan in to try to re-direct those feelings when I cannot control myself and they mainly involve taking a time-out. I realize that taking a time-out can appear as disconnect, but at the same time, I can't imagine coping any other way when I am having a hard time. I at least know that taking a time out is better than saying things that I would regret or behaving in a way that is out of character.

I am in an incredible battle with diabetes. I am thankful yet full of hate of the disease.  It has taken over my life in so many ways, both good and bad and that can be a lot of weight on ones shoulder.


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