Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Trial and Error
I always think back to when I was younger - say ten to eighteen. At that point in my life I wasn't sure what I was good at or how the things I was good at would matter. I was good at writing - I loved and still love creative writing. I was good at babysitting and being the person mothers could count on if they ever needed their kids watched for a couple hours. All these things although they were good talents or qualities I didn't see as being very useful.
Some people could draw amazing pictures, play the guitar or piano - won awards and made the newspaper. Some people could sing in front of a huge crowd while some could score the highest grades on math tests. All of these things I was jealous of and wished that I had something to be proud of.
It wasn't until the end of my eighteenth year did I begin to find out who I was and what I could offer. Even at that point I wasn't too sure where life was really going to take me. Despite diabetes I was changing without it. I had went through some life changers and knew that without a doubt I was ready to pick up all the pieces and try and make a new picture.
Diabetes only enhanced my ambition - it gave me a place to write and gave me motivation to write. Not only did I learn not to be embarrassed about it - I learned that people are actually interested in my writing and really enjoy it.
Now I know what I am good at and sometimes surprise myself and realize that I am good at things I didn't think I was. I am willing to embarrass myself and learn. I know that I can succeed and be everything that I was jealous of before.
I am no afraid to be who I am and I know that it took twenty years to finally see this, but I think that that is how life works. You have to go through some trail and error and be a little insecure in order to find who you are and learn from it. I am sure another twenty years down the road I will be saying the same thing. I just know now that I am comfortable with myself and proud.