Wednesday, October 13, 2010
I am not exactly spontaneous. I keep a planner, a calender on my wall and insist on times, dates and places. Even though I do tend to make what seems like spontaneous choices such as signing up for a triathlon or applying to Australia - these choices actually some what go through a mental process (sometimes a very quick process) but then are written down and bookmarked.
My best friend is much the opposite; rather, that has been the joke. I am the planned out one and she is the one that decides the day of. Even though I am comfortable with being planned - I love being spontaneous. It is just a little harder for me to wrap my mind around this idea.
The reason this relates to diabetes - because somehow everything relates to diabetes is because this disease was not planned. Nothing that I could do in my own power lead to my diabetes that I know of. Diabetes was spontaneous and took all my plans away for awhile.
My whole idea of life fell to the ground in shattered in one million unfixable pieces. I had to sweep it up and think about how diabetes was going to change everything. Okay, so diabetes doesn't exactly change your entire life. Yes there are needles, finger pricking, too many doctor appointments, pouches of things in your purse etc. but overall it's not like it's the end of the world and you need to pack up your bags and move to a new country and learn a new language.
I really had to adopt a new lifestyle within the lifestyle that I knew already. I am and always will be the Kayla previous to March 13th 2009; yet, now I am changed. I am interested in exploring, inspiring and of course being spontaneous.
I feel the best when I actually do something that wasn't written down in my planner. I feel the best when I am visiting a friend and not knowing what exactly we are going to do. Even though I will admit that I marked on my calender today: "Michelle Coming Over." I actually had no idea what exactly we were going to do and that was okay.
Being spontaenous isn't completely natural for me, but that's what friends are for. They can help you adopt a new idea and lifestyle without changing who you are. Much like diabetes, that spontaneous disease helped me adopt new ideas and a lifestyle without making me into someone I am not.