Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Just a Dream
Sometimes you dream about something and wake up wondering why you dreamt it. For me, believe it or not, some dreams I have had have played out in reality. Sometimes I trust my dreams more than my reality.
Personally I believe that dreams can tell a lot about you - about what you keep hidden and what you don't tend to share - such as your fears. Now, thankfully I rarely dream about the bad things that could happen because of my diabetes, in fact I cannot pin point one dream where I woke up dreading that I have diabetes.
I have had good dreams about diabetes; however, like ones that reinforce that even though I am sleeping I am fully aware that I have diabetes. You know those dreams where food appears and looks so amazing that you can actually taste it. Well, I have those dreams, but unfortunately I pronounce to the dream world that I am diabetic and don't eat it! I'm not even lying.
Now you would think through the whole process that I've been through while dealing with diabetes from the very start of being in the hospital through having to get used to daily injections and right up to being put on an insulin pump - you'd think I would have had those scary dreams of something going wrong. I haven't had a single one.
It wasn't until last night did I have a dream about my pump. My pump had the little circle sign on it which usually indicates to me that I have a low reservoir - instead it told me that something was wrong with my pump. I looked for kinks in the tubing, made sure there was insulin - until I looked down at my stomach and insulin was pouring out like pouring out (I wish I had this much insulin to just pour out, rather than pour into me) but anyways after waking up from this dream I had to laugh, knowing that it was impossible for insulin to just pour out of me. Note: THIS WAS A DREAM.
It was a little strange to me that I would dream this since I really don't have any worries about my pump failing on me. I am a little worried that that somehow means my pump is going to do something crazy, but sure enough it's not like I wouldn't realize.
I am really glad that I haven't had frequent bad dreams about my diabetes because that is a dream I wouldn't be able to shake. To me this means that I am okay with being diabetic and have settled with it and allowed it to be part of me. When I forget my meter or think I 'may' have enough insulin to get by for a couple days - I don't worry (My mom on the other hand . . . ) Yes it's important to remember these things and be prepared, but honestly if I worried about my diabetes all the time I'd be a wreck, and mindlessly to say - I'd get no sleep!