Saturday, July 3, 2010
I am very familiar with change. For me, change has happened multiple times throughout my life. I am not talking small changes that the average person goes through from birth until their 20th birthday - I am talking big changes.
If it wasn't for diabetes none of these changes would have occurred. Not all the changes are good and I give so much praise to my diabetes it is about time I give it a little grief. Diabetes has changed me as a person - not enough that you cannot recognize me, but enough that I no longer feel like the same person I was a year and a half ago.
Yes, I have accomplished things in my life that I would have had no ambition to ever try before like the triathlon. But, there are things that have changed about me that I wish had stayed the same. Things like just enjoying doing nothing and relaxing. I feel like diabetes has taken relax right out of my vocabulary. It's not that I am constantly worrying about my diabetes, but diabetes is always there and I cannot for the life of me have a day off and just relax.
I know that for some reason diabetes has filtered my friends - or something like that. I feel like since being diagnosed the whole dynamic of friends has changed. Yes I still have friends, but at times I wonder how close of friends do I have. I know, I know I have friends that I couldn't live without and that are there for me 100%, but how can sometimes I feel so alone with my disease.
I can't blame everything on diabetes, but diabetes has made me be a person of giving and that is not always a good thing. I try so hard to please everyone and make people happy. I am the type of person that will go that extra mile or at least try too. I am not trying to praise myself, but I honestly am constantly thinking of how I can help someone out. But being nice doesn't always count.
I know that I am trying my hardest in everything that I do and know what I want to accomplish in the end. I do have big dreams and have made diabetes apart of my dreams. I realize that 99% of people do not understand me or what my dreams are, but whether you're beside me or against me I am not letting anything stop me from being who I am as a person.