Friday, January 6, 2017

The Hardest Hour of Diabetes

The hour you wake up from your deep sleep, confused, exhausted and unsure if you're low or not.  You lay there looking up at the ceiling thinking about whether or not you're low. The convincing sweat that is rolling down your chest and the back of your neck and the weakness in your body.
 During that hour, there is the moment you binge, anything to keep yourself level, so that you can go back to sleep. You calculate how much longer you have before your alarm sounds.  Rummaging through the cupboards and fridge, stabbing juice boxes with straws, emptying drawers to find candy.
Then, still eating you decide to go back to your warm bed you left. You lay there, in the stillness of your own home while the world around you is asleep, but you're an inch into the peanut butter jar and crumbs are following you from bed to kitchen counter.  Then, finally you convince yourself to stop. Stop eating and reassure that you'll be okay until morning, trying to fall asleep with a full belly and the worry that you over ate or did not eat enough.

* this was found on my iPhone notes that I wrote at 12:49 a.m December 2nd, while having a low * 


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