You know when you say a word too much and it starts to sound weird like, Yellow for example. Say Yellow about ten times and BAM, it sounds like a foreign word. When in reality it is a word you've been saying since kindergarten. This is what having type 1 diabetes is like, it's like this 'thing' that you have 24/7 that you know so much about but when you start to think about it too much, look at it too much (insulin pumps, injections, used up test strips) it starts to seem weird.
Every now and then I have these moments where I am looking at my insulin pump and think, 'man, what a weird thing, I've got going on.' Because who would have thought that they would be faced with giving themselves injections of the smallest amount of medicine to ultimately keep them alive, anyone? anyone?
I would say that my biggest fears in life do not result because of my diabetes; which I am thankful for. Yet sometimes I think, 'I must be irrational. How could diabetes not be my top five fears, but snakes are?" Snakes. I workout in a gym not the park and I live so high up that if I snake were to enter my home, I'd just be impressed. It's funny that our fears in life aren't always the rational ones.
Diabetes is super weird to me and I never really understood why God or whoever decides who gets diabetes, picked me. I mean, I can see it now from afar that yes, I am thankful that I was 'chosen' because look what I've done with it. But I can't really believe it happened to me and those thoughts are strong when I start to get 'Yellow Syndrome' when looking at my insulin pump.
I think the important thing about it all, is that when those moments arise to remember to let it go. (You know like the movie Frozen suggests) because we have to realize we will never know why exactly we were given diabetes, maybe science can give us technical answers, but truly why we were given diabetes. Once we take a step back and stop starring at our insulin pumps with confusion and disgrace, we have to remember just like the word Yellow, it eventually will just be a normal word, you just can't focus on it too much.