The Future

Often times we think about our future in aspect of what career we will have, who we will marry or what city we will settle in. However, as a person living with a lifetime disease thinking about the future can be a little bit of a different thought process.  As much as we can be healthy by eating well, checking our blood sugars and giving ourselves insulin at times we can find ourselves wondering things like how long we will live for? will we have any complications? or can we have children?

All of these thoughts seem to be thoughts of an older person.  Someone who is maybe just finishing college perhaps, but after talking to a mother of a five year old diabetic girl I began to realize something - these future questions don't appear in our twenties they are in us as early as five, at least. This mom had explained to me that she showed a picture of her friend when she was younger to her daughter and told her that she also had type 1 diabetes. Instead of feelings of hope - her daughter replied back to her, "is she dead now?"

The mother of the diabetic told me how heart broken she was when her daughter replied with that.  I am sure she did not expect to hear anything like that come from her five year old's mouth. But that's what happened and we cannot deny the things that we say or think.  To be honest, this broke my heart as well. I cannot even imagine what it would be like to hear those words come from a child and mostly because it appears that she feels as if having diabetes is something with bad consequences.  It's hard to think that that is what type 1 children are even thinking about.

It's hard to know what individually our futures hold.  As much as I try to live in the present I find myself on many occasions drifting to thoughts about my future - but luckily not truly thinking about my life span. It's with great hope that we see a cure in our future, but until then day by day we have to keep physically, mentally and emotionally strong.

Kayla

In Check

Did you ever notice how diabetes likes to stick its face into everything you do? For instance when you want to focus in class it wants you to be high... or when you're ready to go to the gym it wants you to be low.  It seems that even when you try your hardest to keep diabetes in check, he seems to come up at all the wrong places.  Give me a high blood sugar when I am just sitting here doing nothing or give me a low when I am also, just sitting here doing nothing.. not when I am writing an exam or in the midst of a yoga class.

Of course, that is the lifestyle of a diabetic.  Having to be prepared when you aren't prepared.  Today, not sure if it was because of the unusual warm weather - but my blood sugars were kind of all over the place.  Thankfully and I am going to pat myself on the back, I haven't had a blood sugar (that I caught in the act) over 13 (234)  in the last three weeks; until today of course - when a nice 18 (324) flashed in front of my eyes.  I partly blame the weather, but I also blame these pitas I bought and funny enough I bought the pitas because I wasn't eating enough carbs and now they're causing highs.

I was in class when this happened and it was a three hour class and I couldn't seem to maintain a good focus because of it.  I corrected throughout class making it drop within the three hours but only to 14 (252) and then an hour after getting home a nice 3.3 (59) was displayed on my meter.  I had just made dinner at this time as well - broccoli soup and let me tell you, eating soup while low is a sight to see.  I ended up kind of eating those little mini boxes of smarties while eating soup and strawberries - it makes sense when you're low.

Now I was facing a new problem, I wanted to go to the gym after dinner...if you can call that dinner.  I was having a hard time getting my blood sugar to be stable enough to even drive to the gym let alone get on a treadmill and start running.   I was getting so frustrated that I threw my pump on the ground (after I disconnected) and had an apple, peanut butter and a glass of milk.  After that, I was good to go with a blood sugar of 6.3 (113) pre workout and when I got home I had a nice 5.6 (100). Mind you, I kept my pump off the entire time to be safe and also kept sugar tabs and my meter with me during my workout.

Ironically, I ran into a diabetes educator at the gym alongside a pharmaceutical rep for Accu-chek.  I sort of let them in on my frustrations, feeling compelled to tell them why I wasn't wearing my insulin pump!

Kayla

The Pep Talk

I watched this viral video earlier this morning called, "Kid President - Pep Talk" (maybe watch it and then continue to read!) and there was something about it that really got to me.  I mean, of course that is the purpose of it.  However, this video inspired me to keep doing what I am doing and beyond.  I mean, like he says, about stop being boring - that's exactly it.  It's easy to be boring, so easy to do things that are uneventful - but it's not because we live boring lives it is because we are creating our days based on the fact we have no motivation to do anything better.

I have had mornings where I just wanted to lay in bed and not because I was tired or didn't want to face the cold air hoovering outside my blanket, but because I was lacking motivation and the inspiration to do anything. To wake up in the morning full throttle, full of happiness, encouragement and inspiring thoughts is hard!  It's hard to imagine that a simple day much like you had the day before is going to be any different.  But, it's us who makes it different and those people in our lives that help us move along.

After watching this, I got ready for class, walked to class (despite it being rainy and miserable outside) and sat inside the classroom eager to see what today had to bring and what I could do to get everything I could out of the day.  Now, it's only three in the afternoon, but I feel as though the impact of that video has already made me feel happier about my pursuits as well as encouraged me to keep doing what I am doing.

So, hopefully you watched the video and if not watch it now!

I hope it gives you what it gave me.

Kayla

Something About It

There is something about sitting around talking to a type 1 diabetic that makes life seem a little easier.  I mean, I love talking to all kinds of people - but when you get the opportunity to sit down with another type 1...   This afternoon I met with two of my club members, one being a type 2 diabetic the other a type 1.  Of course, we were there to talk about the club and considering it is a diabetes club we were bound to start talking about diabetes on a personal level.

Now, thankfully I have been given (like a gift!) tons and tons of type 1 diabetic friends thus far in my life. So when ever I need some type 1 time, I am never come short.  However, I feel like I don't too often reach out to meet them as much as I wish I did, so when the time comes I am grateful.  There is just something about being able to say, ' I am  having such a hard time keeping blood sugars up and eat healthy...' and then a reply of, ' I know exactly what you're talking about '  then you think to yourself ' I am not alone! '

Of course we know we aren't alone we can log into Facebook and prove 100x over that we're not alone - however it's the moments when you're face to face talking to another type 1 diabetic that you truly feel like you're understood.

Kayla

Deep Thoughts

It's easy to fall into that deep place. A place where everything you wrote off as normal becomes abnormal.  Things like diabetes (of course...) because the thing is, diabetes is not a normal lifestyle, yet thousands upon thousands of us live that life forgetting about how our routines are so strange - life as a diabetic is strange. In those deep thought processes we find ourselves thinking about how odd it is that we have an insulin pump dangling between our legs at times, smacking into door handles and getting ripped out etc. We think about how annoying it is to have to see our own blood multiple times of the day and how seeing blood strip tests in places like the lint tramp is actually strange.

It's hard to escape from that place because even though in reality living life as a diabetic (not that it's a lifestyle choice...) is strange, we have to convince ourselves that it is normal, okay, and manageable because that attitude is what has kept us alive thus far.  Now, usually I write about this stuff when I am in the moment, and I am not totally having a moment like this at the moment, but I did watch a movie tonight that made me really think deep. 

The movie is called, Life of Pi and it was one of those movies that leaves you wanting to think more, know more and be more. That's exactly how I am feeling right now and as I pondered about it for a couple hours after watching it, I knew that I had to write something.  So, I started off with that blurb about going into your deep place with diabetes - and I know that we all have them because I read about it online all the time and I personally experience it every now and then.  But, when we revive ourselves from that slump it shows how powerful our mind can be and our strong we are.

I won't go into detail about what the movie was about, but I would highly suggest everyone to watch it and even better read the book (something I want to do soon!)  But, beyond that, the movie seems to have had an impact on me - thinking about how powerful we can make ourselves up to be and in turn express that with confidence by not doubting what we are doing.  Wearing our insulin pumps like it is a part of our body, checking our blood sugar like it is breathing in oxygen and not giving up because it's our life.

Kayla 

Own Hands

When I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes I was heading to college a few months later in a different city from where I grew up. In fact I was heading to a city where I knew no one, not a family.  I feel like the moment I was diagnosed I didn't even question the fact that I was already accepted to go to college in the fall, I don't ever remember saying to my parents, "I don't know if I can do this..." which is a good thing.  I obviously knew that I had this disease in my back pocket...(now literally in my back pocket.) But, it makes me wonder if that is why I took diabetes in my own hands from day one.  I mean, my mom picked me up from the hospital after a nice few day stay, and we did go to the pharmacy together and pick up what felt like a suit case of supplies together and we also went to the grocery store for what felt like two hours checking the backs of boxes seeing how many carbs things had.  But, after that it wasn't long before I was doing it on my own.

It's really interesting to me when I read mom/dad bloggers who talk about taking care of their diabetic children.  I read a lot about no sleep, late nights, middle of the night blood sugar checks, birthday parties, gym classes, bad teachers, the list goes on.   It's interesting because my diabetes life was never like this.  My parents had it easy not having to check my blood sugars for me or make sure I was on top of things - really the only thing my parents had to worry about was that I remembered my supplies (and that one occasion when my mom had to drive to London to bring me long lasting insulin...)  Other than that, I have been the independent in this diabetes-Kayla relationship.

I don't know what it is like to raise a child with type 1 diabetes, and from what I have read or heard - I would say that it is a job that takes a lot of courage and strength. However, for the parents that are doing such a great job raising their type 1 children, I want to say that I know your child can achieve whatever their heart sets on and even though as a parent you may be scared to send them away to college, but from my personal experience diabetes will be the last thing to hold them back.

Kayla

Up Hill

Yesterday in Poetics we read a poem called Up-Hill by Christina Rossetti.  To be honest, I am not that great at picking apart poems and finding hidden meanings.  I often find myself drawings things from it that are more of that obvious content then anything else.   However, poetry is something that can be whatever you make it I suppose and after reading one of our readings, Up- Hill yesterday I instantly connected the first stanza to diabetes. 

"Does the road wind up-hill all the way?

   Yes, to the very end.

Will the day’s journey take the whole long day?

   From morn to night, my friend." 

I took from this that diabetes is an up hill battle. Not only up hill, but twisting and turning and a battle that the end isn’t something that you can see. It’s a disease that is unpredictable and hard to manage at times.  Troublesome for those that are trying to accomplish goals whether that be a fitness goal or something like trying to have a baby.

I also related this to diabetes because it does take the whole day plus more. Diabetes is time consuming and takes patience, yet the goals we aim for seem endless even when we start reaching them. Feeling the reward can also be difficult even when you know you’ve done everything you can.

This poem that was discussed in class was more about the relationship to God and getting into Heaven.  But, I saw something much different – my own personal inspiration that, yes, the road is up hill, long, winding and tiresome, but don’t give up.

To read the full poem visit: Up-Hill by Christina Rossetti

Kayla