and I'll eat the cookie too!

Some may suspect that being diabetic I must live a super healthy life.  Eating vegetables at every meal and sticking to low carb food choices. Well, thank you for those who believe this because if you really knew what I was eating you would probably be trying to get a hold of my doctor a.s.a.p.   Because, while I am a diabetic, I am also many other things and all the other things require me to enjoy life, unfortunately, so the whole diabetic thing just tags along - I guess I make being diabetic enjoyable.

At my age (21) I know a lot of girls that are constantly worrying about what they eat and how much fat and carbs food contains and really I've been carb counting for the past 2.5 years and if I wasn't diabetic I'd be so happy to not have too. I see food as something that will make my blood sugar go up.  No matter what it is, I look at it with an evil eye and know that if I don't do something besides chew it - I am bound to be feeling horrible later on and not because it had 3000 calories, but because it raised my blood sugar.

I can't really imagine looking at food before being diagnosed. I don't know if I really thought about what I was putting in my mouth or what I was making my body do in order to deal with the food.  I guess we don't think about our body parts much unless they aren't working.

For me, I still enjoy food. I eat cake, pizza, muffins and cookies.   I guess that is one of the biggest misconceptions, people think I am limited as a diabetic. Sadly I know more non-diabetics that avoid cake than diabetics that avoid cake.   It's simple though, yes as diabetics we look at a slice of cake as maybe 60 grams of carbs and 6 units of insulin, but we also appreciate that cake.   We eat the cake and no that we have got our body under control.  Maybe we are all imagining that insulin subtracts calories...now wouldn't that be nice.

Either way, I am not sitting at home munching on carrot sticks and lemon spiked water for three meals, nor am I eating crumbs of birthday cake for desserts or one chocolate chip that has fallen from your chocolate chip cookie.    I am diabetic and I'll eat a loaf of banana bread and chances are, I'll eat that cookie too!

Kayla

Wisdom

This weekend has been absolutely crazy from having to drive back to London for diabetes equipment to visiting the dentist about my wisdom teeth.  First off, I decided I would be prepared this weekend and pack an extra supply of pump supplies in my bag because I was going home.  To my surprise I was going to need it when the door handle decided to grab hold of my tubing and rip out my site.   So, being so prepared I put in another one, but again to my surprise this site decided it didn't want to go in properly.

So, being either a bad diabetic or a wise one, I decided to try to make it go in, by putting the site back through the needle, pressing down on the Mio capsule thing and shooting it in.  I tried it probably five times leaving blood stains on my skin - it wasn't working.

Before going into panic mode I searched my house for something that I may had left behind from the summer or the last time I visited.  Diabetes supplies seem to float everywhere, so I was crossing my fingers that something was near.  Ah-ha! I found a site - one of my silhouette ones.  I fed that one through my skin, realizing how much I hate those type of sites now and then I was set...until...  I realized that the tubing connected from the Mio does not connect with the silhouette.  Side note:  Dear Medtronic, maybe you should make all your sites connect some way or another... just in case.

So, I was back to wear I started basically, I had a site in me, a pump, tubing, but nothing could connect.  I wasn't sure what exactly what to do, I could go back to London (about an hour drive) or give myself shots of insulin all night and get Vince to grab some of my stuff from my apartment and bring it in the morning.

I decided that I wouldn't put my life in Vince's hands this early in the relationship (haha!) and my mom, sister and I took a road trip back to London at about 9:30 p.m.     By arrival time I was pretty grumpy - lacking insulin and all, and to make matters worse I was also dealing with a very, very painful wisdom tooth.

So, this was the next issue.  My bottom left wisdom tooth is coming in with no consideration about my feelings. The pain has been annoying and I haven't really wanted to eat much because it hurts so badly.  Vince brought me a doughnut last night and ended up having to break it into small pieces, so I could half enjoy the treat.

Today I got to visit the dentist and the 5 minute appointment that cost $75.00 resulted in a prescription for antibiotics and a few scratches on my car as I attempted to get out of the parking lot.   Either way, I am now in London, calming down from the crazy weekend and intending to take the quote, "Keep Calm and Carry on" to heart.

Kayla

Fanny Pack Kids

Most diabetics are not surrounded by other diabetics.  They spend their days filled with 5.5'ers who eat whatever they want without consequence and the only thing that is attached to them is their cell phone.   Diabetics are living with their boyfriends who can polish off a pizza and fall asleep right after, or living with roommates who can skip lunch because they don't feel like eating.

This isn't a bad thing, because I can't imagine if two diabetics got married and had to live with one another constantly not knowing who is beeping and my biggest question, what happens when you both go low and there is only one chocolate bar left? Everyone knows that a low diabetic isn't willing to share at this point.   I just think the whole thing would cause major marital problems in the long run, but I am sure there are people who manage.

Either way, most diabetics are spending their time with people who don't really know what is means to be diabetic.   As diabetics we are always kind of like the kid that has to wear the fanny pack to school in movies - the one with all the medication and gear.   Everyone is always worried about us, whether or not we ate before we left, or if we should check our blood sugar. 

But, every now and then we get a chance to hang out with the cool kids (obviously I am talking about other diabetics)  and soon the kid with the fanny pack has now multiplied and no one is asking the obvious questions and getting tangled with door knobs is a normal daily occurrence for everyone. 

Everything changes when diabetics unite because ordering diet coke is an obvious choice at a restaurant, searching in your purse for the meter, poker and strips is normal, and feeling random vibrations in your back pocket or bra is just apart of life.      

But both diabetics and the 5.5'ers are what makes the world go round' - but we all know those 5.5'ers secretly want to be 16.9'ers. 

Kayla    

Diabetic's Conversation

When two 'regular' people meet they don't say, "Hi, I'm Beatrice and I frequently have headaches," and the other person replies, "Oh, sweet, I am Dan and I also have frequent headaches."    This just doesn't happen.  No 'regular' person exposes their random aches in pains within the first five minutes of a conversation; however, if these two people were both diabetics and knew it - the conversation would seem strangely normal if they said, "Hi, I'm Beatrice and I am diabetic,"  and Dan said, "YEAH me too! How long have you had diabetes? Oh and my name is Dan."

The reason these two people would have met is probably because Beatrice whipped out her insulin pump in class while Dan was interrupted by hearing a familiar beeping noise.  Or maybe they met at some crazy function that diabetics like to throw every now and then.  It seems that diabetics everywhere are uniting (strangely this word looks like unit-ing which makes me think of a crowd of diabetics giving themselves units of insulin...)

I have found many different diabetics everywhere not all are like me, looking for somewhere to write I am diabetic, or jumping at the opportunity to share my stories. No, no there are many types of diabetics out there.

"I don't care I have diabetes - diabetic":  These diabetics aren't reading this right now. No, these diabetics are not even thinking about diabetes right now in general.   I have no problem with these diabetics because everyone has their own opinion, but let me just say this, I know a group of diabetics that really could help....okay, obviously this type of diabetic has not typed diabetes in google before so let's just let their health care team let them know.

"Divabetic": These are the diabetics that care much about their gear.   The skins and colour of pump comes before the actual technology of the pump.   Where is the pancreas you ask this diabetic?  - I don't know - she replies.      (this sounds like....me?)

"OCDiabetic": This diabetic likes to check, check, check, check their blood sugar and not only check, but chart.  Check, Chart, Change, and Count Carbs.   I bet these diabetics upload their pumps like good diabetics and actually track what they eat and maybe use one of those food weigher's.

(I think I have one somewhere . . .)

"Dangerous Bete": This person is wild with their diabetes.  It's a part of their life, but they like to take risks with their diabetes. Proving that diabetes is just a disease and not a partner in crime.   This person probably has had their pump replaced a few times and a couple meters dropped down a high cliff or lost at sea.   These diabetics are wild, but as long as they are on top of things, who cares!

"In the Closet Diabetic": This person realizes that they are diabetic and have been properly informed and know when to take insulin and the whole list of what it means to be diabetic has been laid down on them, but this person does not want to talk to you about diabetes.  This person isn't like the I Don't Care I Have Diabetes - Diabetic, they do care about their diabetes, they just don't care if you know about it and if you try to talk to them about it - have fun!


"Diabetes Tell All": This person has accepted diabetes maybe not at first, but eventually they have accepted diabetes to be a part of them.  This person has so much decided that diabetes is going to be one of their highlights in their life.  These people are reading right now and probably have found themselves somewhere in another category.  But, mainly these people are willing to go out there and let the world know they have diabetes, so what?

I know it isn't possible to categorize all diabetics into these little silly names, but I am sure that all the diabetics are trying to find their place.  We all deal with diabetes in different ways and for me, all the diabetics I know are friendly and willing to talk about their diabetes, but I have encountered the ones that would rather not.

Either way, diabetes has somehow defined the lives of many of us and has changed the way we approach one another. It amazes me how we can stick one hundred diabetics in one room and somehow everyone becomes friends without judgment. (But now you will be trying to put them in a category...)


Kayla

Learning

Many of us pay for our education, we pay to be taught things we would otherwise probably not have picked up anywhere else.  We learn things sometimes that make us nod our heads, while other things float in one ear and out the other.  As much as education through schooling is important there are so many life lessons hiding in the little cracks of life.

Life lessons are simple in nature, but complicated in so many ways.  I don't know how many times in my entire life I have questioned why something has happening to me or asking why I deserved something.   Hopefully everyone at this point is nodding their head - agreeing with me.     At every age we go through these little life lessons from learning that that boy wasn't worth it in grade six or that one day you will grow boobs, so don't worry about it... (thank's for that life lesson, life.)

Every time we are worried about something it seems like the end of the world. We think that it can't get any worse and that we don't deserve what is happening to us.   I've learned that if we really read in between the lines of what is happening we can find the good and realize that once the issue is dealt with that is when the good comes out and that is what we deserve.

I have taken all the life lessons I have learned thus far and from that I have gathered a good understanding of the meaning of being positive, staying calm and being patient because I know that the life lessons I have gained have made me the person I am today.

Kayla

Get Better

If there is anything that I have learned in the past 2.5 years it is that I am capable of  handling whatever life decides to throw at me or put on my plate.  I have learned that despite wishing for something better, the once 'bad' thing that you thought couldn't get worse will get better.

I think of my life in two parts, part one - pre diabetes and part two - with diabetes.  How a disease could change a person so much is beyond my understanding - I am just a living example of the concept.  Before diabetes life was simple, of course I was younger than nineteen, but I also had no understanding of what life and death really meant. My life had never been threatened before.   I went from no worries, to knowing that this plastic external pancreas is saving my life every time that little drop of insulin enters my body.

Somehow I took diabetes and turned it into something better than anyone has given diabetes credit for.  Diabetes isn't good, and it will never be a good disease - but I give it credit for so many things.   Beyond diabetes I have endured some other life surprises and if I was Miss. Kayla Pre-diabetes I am not sure that I would be able to handle the unexpected.

A lot of people tell me that my life could be a book and being the little blogger that I am who knows maybe a day will come, but in the meantime, I am living my life story of unexpected twists and turns and proving not only to everyone else, but to myself that I am capable of handling where ever life wants to take me.  I know that sometimes things seem over the top and out of my control, but deep down inside I know that everything will get better.

Kayla

Diabetes Picked Me

After getting interviewed by the Gazette the journalist said something that really sparked a light within in me, "I guess you didn't choose diabetes - diabetes chose you."  I have kind of dwelled on this idea for a couple days now thinking of how it really applies and what it really means.  

Before diabetes I was pretty typical.  I didn't really do anything out of the box even though deep down inside I knew I had potential.  I always thought to myself - I wish I had something unique about myself that I could share with others. Of course, now telling this there is no proof that I felt this way.    Even sitting in elementary school hearing the names read out on the attendance list - the last names sounding so unique and extraordinary in some way and then mine was read...Brown...how unique.

I know now looking back that I've always been unique because every person is unique in their own way.  I didn't see it then and to be honest it wasn't like I had a whole slew of life experience to share.  Now, I have a blog full of life experience and it just keeps getting longer.

So, going back to diabetes choosing me.    I think it's obvious that I didn't choose diabetes.  I didn't even know I could be a target for diabetes - I wasn't excessively heavy, nor was I older in age.   I had no idea that the shadow of diabetes crept behind me waiting to smoother me and convert me into a diabetic.

But, here I am - my life line is a plastic tube attached to 300 mL of insulin.   Diabetes some how decided that I would be one of the 300,000 others in Canada to get type 1 diabetes. I think I am slowly learning why diabetes choose me and the more I think about it - I can't imagine what it would be like if diabetes had decided to leave me alone.

Kayla