Doctor, Doctor

For a long time I never had to see the doctor much. I rarely ever had a bad cold or any health concern at all besides Asthma. It wasn't until I got hives in 2007/2008 did I start seeing doctor after doctor. For anyone that doesn't know about that episode - they claim that it was all a virus which lead to my diabetes, but no one can pin point it. I had really bad hives for almost a year that covered by body besides my face. There also was major swelling of my hands, feet and lips.

After the hives went away I went through a year period of not having any medical issues at all until I started getting symptoms of diabetes in 2008/2009. Now I have seen many doctors and I am at least promised to see a doctor or nurse every 3 months. It is not so bad seeing doctors this much but it is definitely much different from what I knew before at least 2007.

I never thought that I would be that person - that person who 'gets' something. We all think that we will get nothing and that our lives will be normal. It is always the 'other' people that get cancer, heart disease and diabetes it is never you. That is far from the truth because like me I thought nothing was going to effect me until I started being the one that needed specialists and was considered to be a mystery case.

This past week I have had a hard time understanding my diabetes. I know that by now you would think that I would know what it was all about but there are times where I personally just want to give up. I know a lot of people are counting on me to not only be positive, but to also be the words of wisdom that appear on their screen everyday; however, there are times when positively is the last thing that I can do.

Yesterday I found out that I have a heart murmur. I wasn't sure exactly what that was until the doctor demonstrated how my heart sounds compared to a regular heart - mine has an extra boom apparently. This news was incredibly upsetting to me because at that moment I didn't want to hear anything else. As if diabetes isn't enough I get this thrown at me.

I understand that heart murmur's are common. I bet once I post this a lot of people may tell me that they were told the same thing. The doctor ensured me that in her entire practice she has only had to put one patient through surgery. Often heart murmurs are common for young women and may even go away.

At the moment I was just not up for that kind of news. I am busy enough and would rather just try and cope with my diabetes at the moment and not have to worry about any other health problem. I know that I am a healthy person but for some reason my health likes to play tricks on me. My biggest thing is to keep strong and try my hardest not to give up because it is times like these that the first thing on my mind is giving up and I know that is not an option for me.

Kayla