Graduated!

I have retired my psychology and sociology textbooks for the summer after finishing my last exam this morning around 10 a.m. I had walked the halls of Fanshawe college for two years and with a great two years behind me I am ready to move on. It is really hard to believe that I am now graduating from Fanshawe with a Diploma in Liberal Studies - for one, I was only planning on staying one year and for another - am I really old enough to have a Diploma other than highschool! Time sure flies, and before I know it I hope I am walking the halls of an elementary or high school one day - as the teacher instead.

Just before entering College I was handed a bigger life task - diabetes. For me, diabetes never really seemed like a negative disaster; rather a positive challenge. I clearly didn't allow diabetes to take over my life and effect me. I am living proof that diabetes is not a roadblock. I have had a great time in College and have experienced what College has to offer - and have not once let diabetes get in the way - it's just not like that.

For me, I am glad that I have documented the past two years of my life, so I can look at all the triumphs I have had in the past two years and let every diabetic out there know that college, residence, partying - all that stuff is possible! Although some things may seem a bit tough and stress can get to you - you can come out alive and most of all graduate knowing that the past couple or few years of your life were worth every penny spent!

I am ready to take on new challenges - I am ready to challenge myself and find new opportunities. I know that my life has so many great things to offer and each day I learn something new about myself and gain just a little more confidence to get out there and make a difference. I am so happy with where I am in life now and wouldn't rewrite my story if I could. Each day is a new adventure that I am willing to ride out.

Some exciting news that isn't exactly diabetes related - but, I love to think that diabetes has given me the confidence to be who I am today. I have had two speaking opportunities at Fanshawe College as a student panel to discuss important issues at Fanshawe. It seems like I will get more opportunities such as that in the future - which I am incredibly excited for! I am glad to be a part of Fanshawe and to be able to share my success at Fanshawe.

Another thing - which is diabetes related, is that I will be meeting with Canadian Diabetes Association tomorrow about possible speaking opportunities regarding this very blog! I am ecstatic! I know that so many people can benefit from reading my blog and that is my goal - to not let any diabetic ever feel alone in the disease. I am like the diabetes manual that actually is true, understandable and not written by someone that doesn't have diabetes.

Kayla

The Confusion

The problem with having diabetes is that you instantly relate anything that happens to you - to your diabetes. Your headache - that just once was a headache is now because your sugars are out of whack, that crazy laughter you cannot control - that was just once called 'hyper' now it's a high sugar.

For me I get really confused because I never know what to do. So many times my sugars have been normal and I have felt weird and I start thinking of something I must have - oh no, something else to deal with - when it could just be what it is.

Last night I wrote an exam 4:30-7:30 and it was complete writing for the entire time. The room was small and there was no natural light - brutal! To say that it made me feel sick is an understatement. Despite having a Aero Bar and Starbursts I managed to keep at 7.2 B/G the whole time and even after. I guess that is what stress can do to you and a small room!

As soon as I got up from the exam I felt disoriented and faint. I wasn't sure really what was going on and even forgot my coat in the room. Knowing I was a 7.2 - probably added to the stress that I was already feeling from that Philosophy exam.

I have begun to wonder how University is going to treat my diabetes. As for now, College as been pretty easy for me and not extremely stressful, I guess that will be a new entire chapter of my life as a University Student - but don't think I am scared - I know that I can conquer anything!

Kayla

Diabetes Gave Me

When you are diagnosed with diabetes the doctor will probably sit you down and explain what you are now going to have to do. Unlike before, they will tell you, that needles are a way of life, not just one a day, but four or more. They will explain that having 'tight' control over your blood sugars is the most important thing because diabetes complications can result in loss of limbs, blindness and even death. Doctors everywhere explain that now living as a diabetic you need to be cautious of what you eat, cautious of what shoes you wear and cautious of any physical activities you participate in.

As much as this information is very real there are a lot of positive things you can take from diabetes that no one seems to talk about. I know not every diabetic feels a sense of happiness when they are checking their blood sugar or changing their site; however, I bet each diabetic can say at least one positive thing that happened because they have diabetes.

For me, diabetes gave me so much that I have dedicated this vary blog to just that. Diabetes took away my pancreas, but in return gave me amazing friends, confidence and motivation. I'd say it was good trade. Since being diagnosed my walls have expanded and all doors are open - there is no saying what I will do next.

Most recently I have been asked to speak to UPS/JDRF about the importance of the Walk to Cure Diabetes. As many people know I do this every year (this will be my third) and it is important to me because it's the one time of the year I can get together with all of my supporters and walk for a cure.

Also today I received a call from Canadian Diabetes Association to meet and speak about how I want to get involved as a motivational speaker. The meeting will be next Thursday and I am really looking forward to sharing my story as well as the chance for opportunities to speak at other events.

Diabetes isn't all that bad - you just have to see the positive sides in order to appreciate it.

Kayla

Somewhere Out There

No matter what diabetic you meet you will always have something in common. Whether it's the horror story of having to pee every half hour or the love/hate relationship you have with your pump - you are bound to have something to share and relate too. Over the past two years I have met some outstanding people that share similar stories to me.

Of course everyones story is unique in certain ways and everyone deals with their diabetes differently in some way or another. We all are on insulin, but the way we handle diabetes comes in many different ways. When I am around other diabetics I always wonder if our pancreas' know. As if they some how communicate:

Pancreas 1: "Hey, what's happening?"

Pancreas 2: "Nothing."

Pancreas 1: "Same...."

Diabetics just find each other and we find comfort in each other because let's face it - no one understands. We can spend endless hours talking about our diabetes because for once we have someone who can say, "YEAH I KNOW EH!" We can laugh at the silly things we did when we were low, or the terrible reality of having to check our blood sugar when are feeling too lazy!

The truth is is that we are not alone in our disease there are people out there that are just like us and don't mind your ranting and complaining.

The comforting part of it all is even when you are not around these people - when you are tossing in turning in bed throwing your pump from one side to another or thinking in your head, "I should probably press something so my pump stops vibrating..." someone else there is doing the same thing. Someone else is counting carbs, taking insulin, checking their blood sugar, being asked if they can eat that and most of all someone else out there is feeling exactly how you are feeling. Somewhere out there.

Kayla

Unrealistic Hunger

When a diabetic's sugar goes low a lot of things can occur. It truly varies from one diabetic to another, but I think a lot of diabetic's can relate to me when I explain the unrealistic hunger that comes along with a low blood sugar.

That feeling like you could eat an entire pizza, a box of cookies, a tub of candy and a candy apple. Diabetics everywhere literally raid kitchen cupboards, fridges and freezers in search of food to satisfy their incredible need for food. I guess what really makes you wonder is whether or not that hunger comes from wanting to get rid of the low or if it is simply a symptom of a low. I choose the latter.

Before the shakes I usually know that I am low based on my thoughts. Sometimes it's strange thoughts or paranoia, but usually it is thoughts about food. Usually strange random cravings like those candy peach rings, cotton candy, Domino's pizza - that kind of stuff.

Last night around 3 a.m I woke up feeling a little odd when I checked my sugar I was 3.3 and as soon as I began walking around I was feeling super light headed, shaky and most of all hungry. Living on my own I have NO food, I have nothing good and nothing that I was craving was in my house. This 'failure to find food you want' can really make a diabetic mad. I searched the house - I mean I live with three other people and knew that they would understand (hopefully) I was climbing the counters, getting out chairs - who knows.

I ended up eating a lot of cookies (that were mine) and Olivia's yogurt. I think that what made the most mad, more mad than having to be woken up in the middle of the night - was that I didn't have the food that I was craving. I didn't have an endless supply of food to just eat.

Kayla

Diabetes Doesn't Have Me

Last night I was sitting at my lap top and all of a sudden I thought, "I have diabetes, diabetes doesn't have me." I typed it into google to make sure that I actually came up with that on my own and it seems I have. I began to think more about what I meant when I thought this.

Diabetes has become a huge part of my life in every single way. Really the only time that I can ignore my diabetes is when I am sleeping, but that doesn't always happen. Often diabetics are woken up in the night by beeps or vibrations from their pumps or pulling and tugging or even a low that wakes you up with the sweats and shakes.

It's what I write about every day and what I enjoy talking about. It is my drive behind my motivation and success as a person in my community, school and daily life. It is my best friend and worst enemy all at one time.

But, diabetes doesn't have me. My life isn't determined by my disease. I am not limited or turned down by diabetes because I am in control of my life. So, I am diabetic - I have diabetes, but diabetes doesn't have me. It won't knock me down, discourage me or limit me.

Kayla

Pump on the Run

The stories about wearing a pump are endless. Every diabetic that wears an insulin pump has stories of how their pump got in the way, fell, became tangled or was dropped etc. Personally, I have a handful of stories that I tend to break out at any diabetic gathering or if anyone happens to ask me - so what's it like having to wear that thing?

Basically there are two lengths of tubing you can get for the Medtronic pump, which I believe is 23 inches or 43 inches. I personally have the 23 inch tubing because with the 43 inch I can basically walk my pump - WAY to much tubing for me. Having tubing come off your body can be pretty annoying because it tends to get caught on everything.

If I happen to wear my pump in the side of my bra (under my arm pit) this tubing can hide under my shirt and doesn't tend to make an appearance to the outside world; however, if my pump is in my pocket that's when the tubing is bound to show.

A lot of people think that if my tubing is out, that my pump is about to jump, but this isn't always true - 23 inches of tubing can be a lot for my pocket, so sometimes it is just out no matter what. So what does this lead too? Basically if you have pump you are laughing now because you are thinking of just how many times you have had to untangle yourself from door knobs, handles, seat belts and random furniture. It's bound to happen - I even have had my tubing looped in belt holes with my belt or tangled with my purse straps - oh yes, the tubing will find its way to keep you connected to anything it can find.

The pump its self which is attached to the tubing usually ends up going for a ride once your tubing decides it wants you to remain where you are. My pump likes to hide in the couch - seriously I don't think I have ever sat down and not been pulled back down when I am about to get up.

My pump has also been in the toilet. Clean toilet that is - don't worry. I often smack my pump off of the door if it's on my hip and of course it also takes a dive when you forget you took it out of your pocket and sat it on your lap or beside you.

Out of all the times I have dropped, tangled and swung my pump around it has never fell out of my stomach. That is until NOW. Today, after getting up from sitting down on the couch my pump came out of my pocket and took a nice dive down the floor. Okay, it was more like a big swing across the room. This time it decided it wasn't going to leave no man behind and therefore my site went flying out with it.

I couldn't believe it and I had just changed my site that day - so I must have done something wrong. Either way there my pump and site went flying across the living room. Thankfully this does not hurt!

If only diabetes flew away from me that fast!