Spontaneous

I am not exactly spontaneous. I keep a planner, a calender on my wall and insist on times, dates and places. Even though I do tend to make what seems like spontaneous choices such as signing up for a triathlon or applying to Australia - these choices actually some what go through a mental process (sometimes a very quick process) but then are written down and bookmarked.

My best friend is much the opposite; rather, that has been the joke. I am the planned out one and she is the one that decides the day of. Even though I am comfortable with being planned - I love being spontaneous. It is just a little harder for me to wrap my mind around this idea.

The reason this relates to diabetes - because somehow everything relates to diabetes is because this disease was not planned. Nothing that I could do in my own power lead to my diabetes that I know of. Diabetes was spontaneous and took all my plans away for awhile.

My whole idea of life fell to the ground in shattered in one million unfixable pieces. I had to sweep it up and think about how diabetes was going to change everything. Okay, so diabetes doesn't exactly change your entire life. Yes there are needles, finger pricking, too many doctor appointments, pouches of things in your purse etc. but overall it's not like it's the end of the world and you need to pack up your bags and move to a new country and learn a new language.

I really had to adopt a new lifestyle within the lifestyle that I knew already. I am and always will be the Kayla previous to March 13th 2009; yet, now I am changed. I am interested in exploring, inspiring and of course being spontaneous.

I feel the best when I actually do something that wasn't written down in my planner. I feel the best when I am visiting a friend and not knowing what exactly we are going to do. Even though I will admit that I marked on my calender today: "Michelle Coming Over." I actually had no idea what exactly we were going to do and that was okay.

Being spontaenous isn't completely natural for me, but that's what friends are for. They can help you adopt a new idea and lifestyle without changing who you are. Much like diabetes, that spontaneous disease helped me adopt new ideas and a lifestyle without making me into someone I am not.

Kayla

Happy Bolusing!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

This long weekend has been a great time to spend some time with family and friends. I love having the time to bake some good treats, laugh and shop! Yes, Bake, Laugh, Shop - my life's slogan.

This weekend is all about being thankful even though I am sure throughout the entire year we have been paying our thank-yous. I know that I try my hardest to let the people that I love the most know that I am so thankful for having them in my life.

My friends are absolutely amazing. Totally the best people in the world to have in my life. Sometimes we can feel incredibly alone and frustrated, but having that one person to call is such a great feeling. This year I want to thank two people in particular that have been outstanding friends - Michelle and Mitch. Thanks for being there for me!

I am thankful for my amazing Mom! She has always been there for me and some how knows exactly what's wrong. She sorts out my dilemmas and reassures me that I am making the right choices. I am so thankful to have a close relationship with my mom.

Of course I am thankful for all of my family. They all have played a special role in who I am today. They have taught me things that I otherwise would have never figured out. I am so thankful to have a close family.

I am thankful that I am lived a lucky life. Yes, I realize most people would say, you have diabetes, how lucky of a life is that. But I am so lucky that I was given a disease that opened my eyes to the entire world. That has taught me so much about myself. So, as crazy as it sounds, I am thankful that I am a healthy active diabetic!

I am thankful for my amazing boyfriend of two years. He has been such a great supporter of me. He has put up with my highs and lows (literally) and has never once complained. He inspires me and teaches me so much from his dedication to his family, hockey and me. I love you and I am so thankful for you, Clinton.

I am also thankful for being given so many opportunities in my life to travel, meet new people etc. I have been given so many experiences that I can barely wrap my mind around them all. I have seen a lot of what the world has to offer and know that I will only continue to see the rest of the world and learn so much.

I am so thankful.

Kayla

Community

It's really easy to get along with another diabetic. Especially if they're pretty open about their diabetes. I have found it incredibly easy to pick up friends along my journey with Type 1 and it shows proof that there are so many other people like me that are living life to the fullest.

I never had a chance to be alone in my disease. I never once had the thought, "Oh my God, I am so the only one with type 1, this sucks." I know that there has to be other people out there that go through this phase and it's so upsetting because I know first hand there are type 1's EVERYWHERE!

When I was in the emergency room I was introduced to the Connected in Motion website. Which immediately allowed me to see that there were many, many, many type 1's out there. Who knew that not too long after that I would be featured on that very website! www.connectedinmotion.ca

But, this still amazes me! I have collected more than a handful of diabetic friends that I can count on for support and answers. I will continue to meet more type 1's throughout my life and without the awkward "nice to meet you" we will instantly feel as if we've known each other for years.

Type 1 isn't just a disease it's a community and I am very glad to be involved in it.

Kayla

Letter to Me

I was wondering what if I could have told myself - a year and a 8 months ago that soon your life was about to change. I'm sure if we were able to write a letter to ourselves before a time of change it may have been a little reassuring to our past selves to know that we got through it much easier than we thought. If I were to write a letter to me it would go something like this:

Dear Kayla, (Send back to March 13th 2009)

You're about to see change in yourself so rapid and genuine that you will wonder inside what is happening. The doctors told you that you are 'diabetic' and you don't exactly know what that means; yet, I know that you are prepared to understand - as if you knew somehow what it was like to be diabetic all along.

I know that you probably have a smile on your face even though you're sitting in a hospital being woken up for a needle every four hours. This smile will never fade, but I promise that sometimes it will be very hard to smile because this disease will sometimes get to you.

However, the pros way out the cons. You are not afraid as you once thought you were. You will prove to yourself that there is so much out there to experience and you're willing to do it. You will meet so many new friends that share this disease. People that will forever have an impact on your life.

Kayla, I know sometimes this disease is going to get in your head, knock you down and push you around. But, you will always be able to pick yourself back up again and figure it all out. Trust Me.

Kayla

Just a Dream

Sometimes you dream about something and wake up wondering why you dreamt it. For me, believe it or not, some dreams I have had have played out in reality. Sometimes I trust my dreams more than my reality.

Personally I believe that dreams can tell a lot about you - about what you keep hidden and what you don't tend to share - such as your fears. Now, thankfully I rarely dream about the bad things that could happen because of my diabetes, in fact I cannot pin point one dream where I woke up dreading that I have diabetes.

I have had good dreams about diabetes; however, like ones that reinforce that even though I am sleeping I am fully aware that I have diabetes. You know those dreams where food appears and looks so amazing that you can actually taste it. Well, I have those dreams, but unfortunately I pronounce to the dream world that I am diabetic and don't eat it! I'm not even lying.

Now you would think through the whole process that I've been through while dealing with diabetes from the very start of being in the hospital through having to get used to daily injections and right up to being put on an insulin pump - you'd think I would have had those scary dreams of something going wrong. I haven't had a single one.

It wasn't until last night did I have a dream about my pump. My pump had the little circle sign on it which usually indicates to me that I have a low reservoir - instead it told me that something was wrong with my pump. I looked for kinks in the tubing, made sure there was insulin - until I looked down at my stomach and insulin was pouring out like pouring out (I wish I had this much insulin to just pour out, rather than pour into me) but anyways after waking up from this dream I had to laugh, knowing that it was impossible for insulin to just pour out of me. Note: THIS WAS A DREAM.

It was a little strange to me that I would dream this since I really don't have any worries about my pump failing on me. I am a little worried that that somehow means my pump is going to do something crazy, but sure enough it's not like I wouldn't realize.

I am really glad that I haven't had frequent bad dreams about my diabetes because that is a dream I wouldn't be able to shake. To me this means that I am okay with being diabetic and have settled with it and allowed it to be part of me. When I forget my meter or think I 'may' have enough insulin to get by for a couple days - I don't worry (My mom on the other hand . . . ) Yes it's important to remember these things and be prepared, but honestly if I worried about my diabetes all the time I'd be a wreck, and mindlessly to say - I'd get no sleep!

Kayla

Finding Peace

It's really hard for most people to sit still. To relax and enjoy absolutely nothing. For me I am constantly looking for a new project to embark on and of course they pile up on one another and soon collapse leaving me wondering what to do next.

My family always tells me that I am only going to stress myself out more and complain when I say things like, "I am going to take Spanish lessons in the summer" or "I want to go do this event..." truthfully I do like to keep myself busy and when it comes down to it, being busy is kind of fun.

However, it's super important to relax and that is what I am trying to teach myself to do. Of course yoga (the two classes I've been to) has given me a chance to focus on being relaxed - yes when they ask us to focus on our goal of why we are there I simply say to relax.

I want to accomplish a lot in my life, but obviously it doesn't need to be done in 24 hours. Planning is part of my nature and it's super hard not to plan my weekend two weeks ahead of time, but I am trying very hard to distract myself from all of that and focus on now. I really do have interests that are relaxing like reading and scrapbooking - these are things I can do to relax myself, but most of all the hardest thing to do is to just sit there. Yes, just sit there and relax without television, without an iPod - with nothing but myself.

I did this today in the sauna. I closed my eyes and focused on relaxing and not doing one thing. Okay - so I can run for an hour, but nothing is as hard as just sitting there doing nothing. I wanted to get out and get on my way, but I forced myself to just sit there and it actually started to feel good. I forgot about everything else and began to focus on nothing.

Now maybe yoga class is getting to my head - I am not sure, but it's really important for me to document this experience. Not only am I learning from yoga, my novel I'm reading is just reassuring my philosophy.

I know there are a lot of people out there that want to do nothing,but don't have the time. I know that I am lucky to really have no expectations set upon myself, only those that I put on myself; however, I want everyone to try and find time for themselves to do nothing or at least do something they find relaxing. You will feel great and then you can go about your busy day doing anything and everything.

Kayla

Stories to Tell & Pictures to Prove It

My friend, Michelle recommended that I read the book, Eat, Pray, Love. She said she had a feeling that I would like it - and even though I have only read about 60 pages of the book thus far I can admit that this book was definitely a good choice for me.

It really makes me think about life in a different way. Well, in a way it's how I have been looking at life since being diagnosed, but this kind of reassures my beliefs. There are things in my life that are far from perfect and that I am constantly having to deal with on a daily basis.

I am diabetic and will always be diabetic, so the constant flow of insulin that uniquely enters my body will never cease. This pump will be apart of my travels and adventures now and really if I ever run out of things to talk about I can always turn towards my pump and introduce it.

My life has been very interesting. I have been able to switch angles and perspectives in my life. I went from being the average person to someone who has stories to tell and pictures to prove it.

Like in the book, travelling has been incredibly desirable for me. Although I enjoy being Canadian - I love enjoying visiting other parts of the world and want to continue travelling and learning about other people and their cultures. I believe that once you are exposed to new people and cultures you begin to learn more about yourself.

Even though some people see my pump as a limitation - I can easily prove that nothing is out of the question when wearing my insulin pump. Hey, I even zip lined through the Panamanian rain forest with it on! There may be extra obstacles that I need to overcome when travelling, but in the end it's incredibly worth it and if I can share my story to at least one person in a different country then I can only hope I have at least inspired one person out there.

Kayla