Left in the Dark

Lately I have been having problems with my new meter. It has been giving me different readings when testing the exact same blood sample one after another. This is very concerning because I trust my meter to let me know how much insulin I can give myself. Also this meter is special because it talks to my pump - unlike any other meter I have.

I noticed this a couple times last week when I tested my sugar around 10:30 p.m and had a reading of 25. 25 is higher than when I was first diagnosed and I have never been this high before, but I definitely knew that I wasn't 25. When I re-tested I was 9.5. Major difference.

It's really frustrating to know that your meter is not working properly because I put 100% of my trust into the meter. If my sugar reads high then my pump will want me to correct with more insulin. This can lead me into low blood sugars. Without knowing my correct sugar I am left in the dark.

No matter how good technology is you have to always have you own opinion and let yourself be the final judge. I know that when I haven't ate in a few hours and my sugar is 16 - that there is something wrong. It could be a bad site, bad insulin etc. but it also could be the meter. Diabetes is very precise and if you aren't always thinking for yourself who knows where you could end up.

Kayla

Not My Little Secret

It's so easy to look at someone and think that they must have the perfect life. Or think that they have no idea what struggle is, but the truth is that many of us are going through difficulties in our lives that cannot be seen by just looking at us. Having diabetes has given me a new perspective on life - I know that life isn't a walk in the park and that so many people, young and old are going through pain, heartache and sadness.

I love knowing that my openness about my diabetes has allowed others to let me know about their struggles. It gives me a great feeling of knowing I can be trusted and that I may have inspired them to not hide who they are and what they have gone through. A lot of people have let me know about the scars that mark their bodies that show the struggles they have under gone whether in the past or present.

With diabetes - no scars mark my body and when I am disconnected from my pump I appear to be your average person. Although I have gone through a lot due to living with type 1, to the public I am no different from anyone else.

I know that so many people hide their struggles and that is completely personal and understandable. I know that a lot of people hide their struggles because they are embarrassed or don't think people will understand, but the majority of people do and will understand.

I have been very open about my diabetes because I will not let diabetes be my little secret that I just live with. Instead I am taking my 'struggle' and helping others realize that we all have challenges to face and there is nothing embarrassing about that!

Kayla

Secret Agent

Dressing up with the pump can be incredibly frustrating. I love wearing dresses and skirts and the only problem I had previous to the pump with wearing those items was that I would have to go into the bathroom to give myself a needle since I inject in my stomach. Now however, I don't even know where the best place to put my pump is.

Yesterday I tried on various of my dresses and tried to figure out where to put my pump. Unfortunately putting the pump in my bra only makes it look like I have a square between my chest or if the dress is low cut you can see the pump.

I bought a leg strap to put on under my dress so that my pump can rest on my leg. It is a very awkward contraption, but I am sure I can eventually get used to it. I feel like a secret agent and know that if I ever were to try and cross the border with it it would cause quite the commotion.

Like the problem with the low cut dress - some of my dresses are too short to wear the leg contraption. So far this has been one of the biggest frustrations with the pump, since I would love to wear one of my dresses every now and then. Maybe I will be looking forward to fall/winter more then ever this year!

Kayla

twenty-four

There isn't a day that I don't think about my diabetes and there isn't a day that I ever could. Diabetes is a 24 hour disease that makes sure I take the time to think about it no matter what the occasion. After experiencing every occasion in the past year with diabetes I learned first hand that no matter what I want to do, diabetes is going to tag along and let me know it's present.

I try to be as normal as I can be. I know that when the chip bowl is being passed around along with the sour cream dip I am not thinking what everyone else is thinking about, rather I am calculating carbs and thinking about how much insulin I would need. For someone who absolutely hates math, I do a lot of counting during the day.

It's funny how much time I spend dealing with my diabetes and thinking about my diabetes, yet there are times when all of a sudden I feel like I just found out. I look down at my pump and cannot believe it's attached to me.

Only a short time ago I didn't have diabetes at all and now look where I am. I never had to visit so many doctors/nurses in my life and before entering the E.R when I was diagnosed I hadn't been there since August 16th 1990 - which was in fact when I was born.

My entire lifestyle was changed and overall the change brought a lot of inspiration, accomplishments and success. I now truly understand what it means to live life to the fullest. Even though I am constantly having to be aware of my diabetes the whole concept of it can slip away from me - which I am sure is a good thing.

I am not just a diabetic - I am Kayla and always will be.

Kayla

43 inches

The whole process of changing a site can be a complicated. Since there are so many things to do it's easy to forget. Fortunately I haven't forgotten a step yet but, there has been a couple mishaps along the way.

Yesterday I changed my site and located it a little too close to my belly button. I didn't realize until I sealed the adhesive down. It isn't causing any problems with the site, but it is a little uncomfortable and awkward. I also grabbed the 42 inch tubing that Medtronic had sent me with the pump - which is incredibly long. I have been using the 23 inch tubing. I feel like I have a never ending tube coming out of my body. I have to stuff the tube all into my pants - it's awkward.

Another issue is that somehow when I put the insulin into the reservoir it all came out of the bottom - therefore I lost 100 units of insulin on the kitchen table. I am so glad once again that I have benefits because if not I would have been very, very disappointed!

After those little incidents I didn't have any problems. I am actually looking forward to changing my site again because this one is way to awkward and I hate the long tube. If I were to drop my pump I am sure that the tubing would reach down to the floor and beyond.

So far living with the pump has been interesting - yet not completely life changing. I am still getting used to it being on me, but haven't thought about it too much. I don't really want to think about it too much just in case I make myself upset. The more you think about it - the more foreign it feels and the more you begin to wonder why me?

For now I am giving it fair chance. It has been nice having days off of needles and being able to enjoy any meal that comes my way. There are always going to be obstacles whether you are on the pump or needles - even people without diabetes face obstacles! Bring them on!

Kayla

Everyday People

I am sure many people wonder where my ambition and inspiration comes from when dealing with my diabetes. Truth is most of my inspiration comes from the people that read my blogs. I know that for some people I have helped them get through a hard time or showed them that nothing is impossible. There is no better way to get inspired.

I genuinely want to show not only diabetics, but everyone that you can do whatever you set your mind too. I know that so many people say that - and usually those people have over come something - so that's where they get their logic from. But truth is once you accomplish something you are so much more dedicated to defeating the next challenge life has to bring.

Since being diagnosed at eighteen I have showed that no matter what the occasion or issue I can not only get by being diabetic, but go beyond. There is nothing handicap about being diabetic - there is no reason to quit or to give up. My sugar can be unpredictable, but you just have to trust yourself and be brave and know that no matter what you will just be okay.

Inspiration comes from every day people all around the world. We can all get inspired and do what makes us happy.

Kayla

Trust

With a lot of things - we put trust in the unknown. With technology especially we just assume that our messages send or that our credit card number will remain private. For me, I put trust in technology every single day - so much that my life is on the line.

A few times I have had the conversation about how amazing it is that we just trust that the pump is doing its job. We trust that this device will save our lives. The amount of insulin that saves my life is unbelievable - it's like maybe a little more than a teaspoon and I trust that the pump will deliver that amount through a 24 hour time span.

I trust my meter to give me accurate results - however last night it said I was 25.8 mmol/L and when I tested again very much doubting that number I was a 9.5 mmol/L. I trust that in most cases it will be accurate and help me determine whether or not I have to treat a high or low and how much insulin I should give myself depending on the carbs in my meal.

I have to trust myself. I have to know that I can properly set up my pump and change sites. I have to make sure that I do everything that needs to be done to make sure that the pump is in correctly and able to deliver insulin.

Trust is a huge thing when it comes to my diabetes because even if I cannot 100% know if everything is working correctly beyond the bells and whistles it sounds when the pump definitely knows that it's not working - I just have to trust it.

Kayla