I can't be the only one who feels the frustration of high blood sugars and it isn't that I am frustrated that I have high blood sugar...(well that too!) but more so, one of the symptoms or side effects for me having high blood sugar is being frustrated, grumpy or annoyed. That is me at the moment. I have been scrambling to get my things together for my birthday parties, my DLead Boston trip, Africa as well as back to school. As much as I feel very blessed, I also am losing a bit of myself while trying to balance all that is my life.
Diabetes has been, like always, in the way. I have to stop and check my blood sugar, I have to eat, and I have to deal with diabetes' wrath. So, today I got up and was determined to get more done for Kilimanjaro. I got up at 7:30 a.m had breakfast, watched Big Brother (since I have to wait the next day to watch it...having no cable and all) and then began to organize the list of things I needed. After showering and getting ready it was around 10:45 a.m and I realized if I left now then I would be out during 'lunch' hour and would likely either go low or hungry. Since I have zero money, I knew that going low or buying lunch would not be in the budget, so I waited around until it was appropriate to have lunch. By the time I waited, had lunch, reorganized myself it was nearly 12:30 and I realized how much I had to do.
I haven't been eating as best as I can since I have been busy almost every single day with gathering things. I have been eating meals that are better classified as snacks which isn't the best for my blood sugars or over all health. Today I have been battling high blood sugars, ironically I was battling low blood sugars yesterday. I have been in a mood since leaving Walmart after having a frustrating conversation with the pharmacist about why I wanted more than average blood sugar strips. Ultimately he gave me an extra box.
Upon getting home I knew I needed to organize myself, as it is so easy to grab a diet coke and head for the couch, especially when you're dealing with high blood sugars. Instead, I reorganized my desk so that once I get home from Kilimanjaro (September 7th) I am ready for school (September 9th). I kept getting annoyed, frustrated and angry at the littlest things, luckily no one is here to endure my frustration.
It makes me upset that diabetes can have such an effect on our moods. Why does it have to make us such annoyed individuals at times? Why does it make us yell at people? Yell at ourselves? More than ever I am wishing that diabetes would just relax for the rest of the night, so I can stop being so agitated and instead feeling excited and happy for what the future is bringing in the next few weeks.