Thursday, September 22, 2011

No One Can See

For me diabetes has become a part of who I am and something that I feel the need to share with the people around me.  I wouldn't say that I am totally in your face, "I HAVE DIABETES," but it is definitely something that I don't hide from the people around me.  I have never felt embarrassed about my diabetes surprisingly. In fact I think I had more anxiety growing up with a birth mark on my left leg than I ever did with diabetes.  I remember taking swimming lessons and covering my hand over my birth mark until we were emerged in the water (we are talking about a birth mark the size of maybe a nickel)  But now, I wear a visible pump (the size of a pager) and I swing it around, make jokes about it and hold it up for the occasional picture.

Despite being totally open about my disease there is a sense of frustration I hold about the whole idea.  In fact there are times when I say, OH MY GOD I have diabetes and more recently I have started to envy those with self producing insulin.  I wonder why they don't have diabetes and will they get to live a healthy life forever?  

I think this frustration and pancreatic jealousy is common and normal.  To everyone else I am a basic, Canadian female, but to those I have talked to know that I have one extra thing that makes me stand out in a crowd of at least 12 (unless of course I am at a Connected in Motion event... not so special there....)  

I guess no one can see this side of diabetes or know what it is like to be jealous of a working pancreas, but the best I can do is know that I am doing my best.


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