Monday, April 27, 2009

Back & Stronger

As everyone knows that I am back from my cruise, mighty burned but doing well! I had a lot of time to think, being away for seven days. I had so much time to just sit there and think about everything that has happened to me in the past month. Sometimes it got to me, yes I was on vacation but that doesn't mean my worries and disease didn't pack their bags either, they followed me. I had fun, tons of fun on the cruise and to each individual island, and I am glad that I was able to allow myself to live to feel like nothing has changed in my life.

The first day I was in line at the lunch buffet. Standing there, I looked at the long line of people with their trays ready filled with plates and bowls of a variety of food. The first thing that came in my mind was, "oh my god, look at all this food, what do I do" I began to panic in my head. I know this seems so strange because it's just food but just think of how much food you consume in a day. Think about the times your sitting on the couch and you think, "hmm, I'd love some chips" well I have those thoughts too but they are now going through a filter beyond running to the cupboard and grabbing a bag of Doritos. Instead I tell myself, "no Kayla, you can't eat all those chips."

So standing in front of a valley of food, I broke down. Yes, yes, I cried right in the buffet line. I was depressed, ashamed, embarrassed. I pulled down my sunglasses and just balled my eyes out, wondering how the hell was I going to cope with all this food and having diabetes. I didn't know. With a hug from a stranger in front of me, I began to think, "I'll be okay." No, I am not like everyone else, No, I'll never be exactly the same as anyone else, Yes this is hard. But I am not letting this change who I am as a person. Yes, this is a new chapter in my life, for sure. I am changing everything about the way I live, the way I choose to go about my life.

The rest of the time on since that moment I never let myself cry again. I can eat what I want, in moderation, I can try the foods of the world, eat an ice cream cone or cheesecake, these things are not impossible. Many people say that life is about eating. I know that every event, occasion, get to together, there is food. We as people are always eating.

This vacation not only gave me a burn [haha] but it gave me strength to know that, diabetes is serious but it is only a part of my life, not the whole thing. I have decided to move to London in September, to start off a new chapter by going to school to ultimately become a teacher. I know it's going to be different having to watch my sugars and give myself injections, but I know what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I had two lows so far since having diabetes. One low I had in Costa Maya, Mexico, I didn't notice it too much but tonight I had a low. It scared me, because all of a sudden while typing I couldn't move my fingers they were shaking, like crazy shakes. I felt my whole body suddenly shake.. I knew that something was up so I checked my blood sugar, and yes, I was low.

I am learning something new about my diabetes each day and I don't think that learning experience will ever stop. I am glad to be home and back writing to everyone!


No comments:

Post a Comment