Management

Well I am wishing for the weekend to get here fast, so that the week of final exams finally is over and I can enjoy the rest of my summer without having to worry about health psychology or psychology of any kind.  Well, I guess that isn't true because I am sure I am going to be using some stress management techniques as I prepare myself for Kilimanjaro and I will for sure be going through some emotional processes along the way. Either way, I am glad that I won't be tested on it.

I have been really busy with family get togethers,  birthday parties, studying for exams, maintaining my social life and also dealing with diabetes.  I have not been the best diabetic the last couple weeks but managed to pull off a 7.0 a1c which I am pretty proud of. It was 6.7 last time, but admittedly I had a lot of lows as I began training and trying to figure out a schedule.  I have been so busy with all of this I didn't realize that my diabetes education appointment is this Thursday (also the day of my last final exam)  I knew it was in August,  but cannot believe that August starts on Thursday, where did the time go?

It's funny how these appointments seem to creep up on you.  I don't know about other people, but I always wish I had prepared more once I arrive to my appointment. I'd love to be the patient with the binder of information, logs, perfect up-keep, but when it comes down to it manage diabetes isn't pretty nor as simple or organized as a binder of information.   One day though, I'll surprise the nurses with my organization abilities, but it won't be this Thursday that is for sure.

I am trying hard to manage all that is going on in my life right now.  Like I said, I cannot wait until summer school finishes and I can begin other projects I want to work on.  I have had a really good summer, but it has been a lot of stress due to putting too much on my plate, but I know it is all manageable and worth it in the end.  I am lucky to have such an awesome support system to keep me afloat during the chaos of my life.

Kayla

A Mother's Perspective

I always appreciate those around me that have helped with with my diabetes, but never really asked them how they felt when I was diagnosed or how they deal with my diabetes. I just know that they're always there for me physically and emotionally when I need them. I decided it was time to introduce my readers to someone that has been incredibly helpful along my journey with diabetes and before then of course, my mom. I mention her a lot, in the fact that she has been very supportive in my crazy endeavours and really helped me get my feet on the ground after being diagnosed. Honestly, I know I am the person I am today because of her and know that I wouldn't have handled my diagnosis half as well if it wasn't for her.

I asked my mom if she could outline a little bit about how she felt about having her daughter (me) diagnosed with diabetes, she wrote:

"When my daughter Kayla was first diagnosed I didn't realize that there was 2 different types of diabetes. I told Kayla that she should call the doctor to have her sugar checked when she told me she had drank 6 bottles of water before lunch time and I had also noticed she had been losing quite a bit of weight. My mom worried when myself and siblings were younger about us becoming a diabetic as her father was a diabetic. So maybe that was always in the back of mind and that could be why I thought she should have her sugar checked. I learned very quickly that I was uneducated in diabetes. The only thing I knew about my grandfather being a diabetic was that he had taken pills then eventually had to take insulin shots and that he had to eat meals at certain times and only could so much of certain foods but that is the only thing that I knew about diabetes. Boy have times changed! When Kayla called me from the doctors and said that she could possibly be a diabetic I said to her" you will probably only have to take pills to keep it regulated." It is a day I will never forget! The fear came when the doctors said that she will be admitted to the hospital and that she is a type 1 diabetic and that she will have to give herself insulin shots for the rest of her life. The thoughts that went through my mind is how are we going to handle this, especially when we saw the dietitans and nurse about counting carbs and the math that goes with it. Also about the lows and highs and how to handle them. The day she was discharged from the hospital was a scary day going to the grocery store to pick up food for supper and reading each and every food label to see how many carbs were contained in the product. Then rushing to get home so we can prepare the food and to make sure she takes her insulin at the correct time. What helped greatly is that Kayla is a well organized person and right from the get go she took control of her diabetes. Kayla was planning to go to college in the fall and I was nervous about her leaving home and living on her own, now I began thinking how is she going to move away from home and cope with school work while dealing with lows, highs and counting carbs. Thank goodness for technology that we could constantly keep in touch via text and computer so it felt less like she was away from home. She also was befriended by a wonderful family the Maheus who took her under their wing which helped a lot knowing that she could call upon them day or night if needed. This put my mind at ease greatly! Thank you Maheus!"

She also included that, "Oh yeah There were a couple of times I had to put on my supermom cape and race down to london with insulin but to tell the truth Kayla is my hero! How she copes and deals with her diabetes is amazing! She makes me a proud Mama everyday!"


When I asked my mom about any advice she would give parents of type 1 diabetic children, she responded with: 

"The only advice I can give to other Mothers of diabetic children and young adults is to be very supportive and teach them how to control their own diabetes so when it is time for them to leave the nest the worry will be still there but not as great!"

My mom then sent me another message about my diagnosis, that she had waited to tell me until she knew that I was fully O.K with my diagnosis.  She said, " I would cry on my way up to the hospital thinking why did this happen to my daughter but would put on my fearless face by the time I got to her hospital room. I didnt want her to see how worried I was. I knew I had to stay strong for both of us so we would be able to deal with this disease."

It almost had me in tears knowing how strong my mom was in making sure that I was O.K and most importantly knowing that I needed her support and she was willing to do whatever it took.  I left for college within a few months of being diagnosed and had no fear in knowing that I was going to be O.K because I had the support of my mother.

Kayla 

A Little Help

Awhile back I attended a seminar by Sugar Free Shawn. I wrote about it a couple times because it was one of those talks that you take home a piece of it and never let it go.  I was thinking about something he said, something I actually wrote down, 'Someone who breathes life into your life.' This was in regards to placing positive people in your life that aren't bringing you down, aren't being negative, aren't creating a dead end in your life.

Along my life path I have ran into those who aren't breathing life into my life.  I feel as though there are moments that I can be negative or doubt myself or someone else.  I try to be conscious about times that I am doing that because I realize how negative people appear on the outside as well as the atmosphere they create.  I don't want to think that I am full of rainbows and butterflies all the time because I am not, but I know that through the past four years of my diagnosis I have really tried hard to focus on the positive aspects of life.

This past while with raising some funds for gear for Kilimanjaro as well as speaking with friends and family about my fears regarding the climb - I have realized that I have created a space of positive people around me. Of course the odd time I am going to have a doubter, a non believer what have you, but for the most part the people that I surround myself with the most are very much so breathing life into my life. They're encouraging, excited and make me feel relaxed and confident. 

Diabetes takes a lot of emotional beatings on you. It is hard to relax and stay calm when your body is doing the opposite.  There is so much to do with diabetes, it is constantly wanting your attention and every task comes with a blood sugar check or a needle. It makes so much sense why Sugar Free Shawn wants everyone to have people in their lives that are so positive and uplifting, because it is impossible for one person to always be the breath of life, sometimes you need a little help. 

Kayla 

Brave Needles

The last time I got blood work done, as always, the nurse asked if I am O.K with needles. Often their tone of voice makes it seems as though, what they really want to say is, 'You're O.K with needles because you're diabetic right?' but for me this isn't the case. I may be diabetic, but I do not like getting blood drawn from me and never have.

The misconception is, that diabetics wouldn't mind getting blood work because we get it done frequently and because we give ourselves needles every single day, or every three days. However, giving a needle to ourselves is far different from someone tying off your arm, jabbing a needle in the bend of your arm and drawing vials upon vials of blood. Totally different.

So, my procedure after telling them that I dislike getting blood drawn, is to simply look away.  I do not fear the actual needle, it hardly hurts, but to see that blood fill up that vial will for sure result in some light headedness or at least a gag. The nurses always seem to laugh at me, in fact one nurse told me, 'You diabetics are the worst!' I took it as a joke, seeming as we are believed to be the masters of needles when in reality at times we can be just as scared as anyone else.

This last time I went though, after I told the nurse I didn't like needles, she responded differently, "Well you're brave because I hate the thought of giving myself a needle, I would make someone else do it!" Mind you, she said this as she jabbed my arm, and I made no eye contact with her.  I responded with,
"Well, I couldn't imagine doing your job.  Giving needles, drawing blood..." I didn't even get into the part about collecting stool and urine.  She kept telling me how brave I was and that I was braver than her, but I kept thinking about what she does for an occupation.

It's funny how we each see each other in different lights. How something I do is seen as brave from a person who gives needles to people multiple times daily, and how she sees her job as being so ordinary.

Kayla

Our Motivators

As diabetics we all hate when people share stories with us about their uncle that went blind because of diabetes or their second cousin who lost his leg because of diabetes, but the truth is is that these stories are real, people don't just make them up.  We hate hearing them because we don't think of our diabetes as something that can kill us.  Even now,  I will be reading an article and it will say something like, 'diabetes is the 4th largest cause of death in North America' (not a real fact) and I will have to remind myself that yes, diabetes is serious and it can cause death . . . well its complications can.

To not be absolutely morbid about the dark side about diabetes, I wanted to write today after I saw something worth talking about.  Because, when someone says my aunt lost her leg to diabetes, you may pretend it isn't real or it happens to people we don't know or see, but today I saw someone that lost both their legs due to diabetes complications and it totally shook me.  Now, I didn't break down and cry as the man pushed the handicap button and came through the doors of the doctor's office in a wheel chair with his pants pinned at the knee of both his legs.  But, I did pull out my meter and strips and did a test right away.

You see, it reminded me that to me diabetes is something that I have taken and tried my hardest to put a positive spin on it.  I created communities, job opportunities for myself as well as gained so many different experiences with new found friends.   But, diabetes isn't pretty, it can cause so much damage in a persons life and sometimes it isn't seen physically like two amputated legs, but emotionally.

I am not going to lie, I have moments when I think about what a life with diabetes can be. It can be positive, it can be OKAY, but it can be so bad, negative, deadly.  It scares me to think what the future could hold for me with diabetes and yes I know if I take care of myself, I can avoid these things, but how do I know that?  How do we know this?

It's a whole bunch of blood sugar checks and insulin injections for the rest of my life that will keep me alive, and hopefully keep me from being the one walking through the doctor's office door with signs that diabetes defeated me.   It will take the army of the diabetes community to keep me smiling and keep me writing.

Why does this disease happen to us? Why does it involve all of the worst complications known to man? Why does it involve the sweetest of things, candy, pop and juice?

I don't think any answer could really satisfy a person that feels defeated, that may have lost something due to diabetes, but for those of us that are still doing well, thriving, alive and feeling like we have a fighting chance, we will for now have to think about the consequences as our motivators.



Kayla

Freaking Out

Tonight I spent a good chunk of time talking to others climbing Mount Kilimanjaro with me. We have all been chatting online trying to keep each other focused and organized with the climb.  We have been sharing tips and asking one another questions.  Overall, I think the group that we have climbing is a great group of individuals and will have a lot to offer one another along the way. However, I AM FREAKING OUT.

It's midnight now and I have been tossing and turning, trying to sleep, but finding myself back on Facebook or Instagram or checking email (because clearly people send emails at midnight.)  I can't seem to focus my mind on just falling asleep.  I feel as though this summer is speeding by and everything is due or needing to be done and I am falling behind.  This is to say with things related to school, my personal businesses and over all social life.

My Kilimanjaro Flight Tickets 

Not to mention I am climbing that mountain, remember? So, back to the part about freaking out, after chatting with my fellow soon-to-be mountaineers, I have decided that I am crazy in the fact that I decided to do this, not crazy as in I regret my choice, but crazy as in what has diabetes made me do? Climb a mountain.   I am terrified in the sense that I feel prepared, but how do you prepare? I have heard both good and bad stories which is much like the case with diabetes.  'I have diabetes,' 'My uncle has diabetes...he is blind'  OR 'I have diabetes,' 'My cousin has diabetes, she is a pilot!' Yay.

I am worried because this is out of my comfort zone, but I am sure no one has a 5895 m mountain in their comfort zone.  I am excited because this is an opportunity of a life time. I am emotional about it because I cannot believe it is real and it is happening in 43 days. Beyond having to train for the next month and a bit, I have so many other things to accomplish before school begins two days after I return from Africa.

Who knew that diabetes was more than just sites, blood sugar checks and insulin, for me diabetes has become so much more.

Kayla

Diabetes Burn Out

Keeping motivated with diabetes is a hard task.  Some talk about diabetes burn out, where a person simply isn't in the mood to deal with diabetes any more.  It takes all their power to check their blood sugar and maybe not even their own power, rather the help and power of others to keep them on track.  Personally, I can say that I have felt the symptoms of diabetes burn out creep into my life. The feeling of not completely giving up, but having grown tired of doing the daily routine of diabetes management.

It really is a ten second chore to check your blood sugar.  On the scale of things, we spend much more time doing less productive tasks than the important tasks of keeping up with our diabetes.  But, for some reason that ten second task translates to a huge obstacle for those that suffer from diabetes burn out.  Sometimes, in my mind I know I should check my blood sugar, my purse may even be close by with my kit, but I still ignore the call and go without knowing.

It's bad! I know it's bad and when I think about all of the complications that can arise with unnoticed and uncorrected high blood sugars, you'd think that would be enough to convince me.  But like the smoker knows the consequences, most diabetics know, but still cannot resist the urge to ignore or push aside the duties that we were given without request.

For getting over diabetes burn out, it takes a lot of emotional self talk. Really thinking about why you're not checking or administrating insulin for a meal.  Diabetes very much so can alter your emotions and really bring you down without warning.  Personally, writing really helps me with keeping in check with my diabetes and reminding myself of what type of future I want. Often times I do blood sugar checks in the midst of blogging because I begin to feel the motivation kicking back in.

We can't expect to be full of happiness, inspiration and rainbows all of the time. After all, we all know that urge of frustration we get when dealing with high blood sugars, or that sudden urgency during low blood sugars.  Beyond the ups and downs of blood sugars, diabetes in general is a big task at hand, and it is a daily task.  It's okay to feel like it's not fair, or to feel like you need a break.  As much as we all wish that diabetes would take a day off or go on vacation, it's like our shadow.

Accepting diabetes doesn't mean holding its hand, kissing its cheek and buying it flowers. It means, knowing that it is there, doing what needs to be done, and not letting it take a hold of your life beyond what is necessary.

Kayla