Not My Worry

Last night as I laid down in bed I thought about what was making me so nervous about this adventure in August.  I kept picturing myself snuggled up in a sleeping bag in a tent on Mount Kilimanjaro thinking, "WHAT AM I DOING HERE!" I kept fearing that I wasn't going to be able to breath or that I would be sick because of the altitude or strenuous physical activity. I began to think about it more then it stopped. I thought to myself, how is it that I am terrified of all of these things and none of them have to do with my diabetes.

So many people in my life talk about my diabetes in terms of challenges. Like, 'it must be so hard to do this' or 'do you have to be careful because your diabetes?' Yet, here I am signed up to climb the fourth tallest mountain in the world not thinking twice about my diabetes. I began to think about it, mentally noting to write about it the following day.  It's so funny to think that not once have I thought of fears regarding my diabetes on this trip, like if I were to go severely low or not have enough supplies.

I think it boils down to two major things among many.  The first thing is that I am travelling with six other type one diabetics. Diabetics tend to pack enough things always as if they were travelling for a year. I believe that because I am surrounded by people just like myself, in the same boat, or same mountain if you'd like...I feel a sense of security. Not to mention there will be a doctor and a nurse. The second major thing is that the fears that I have are rational. I am scared there will be scary animals along the way, because that is possible and animals can be scary. I am scared about sleeping in a tent because I don't camp often. I am scared about not being able to make it up the mountain, and that makes sense because it's going to be a lot of work. However, I know my diabetes. I am comfortable with my diabetes and even though it's a roller coaster of a disease I am confident that I can handle it.

My project for the next six months is not only to physically get in shape for the climb, but to mentally as well. I need to get to a point like I am with my diabetes. Confident and strong.

Kayla

Sunshine

It's great to see the sunshine outside today. It's funny how living in Canada (and I am sure a few other places) how winter can be such a daunting time.  I mean, don't get me wrong the snow if beautiful but after a few dark and gloomy days it starts to bring you down.  Now that the sun is coming out (even though it is still cool out) I can sense myself getting to itch to get things done and let's be honest I have  a lot to get done.

I got a call this past week about an appointment to see my nurses this coming week.  Of course, I didn't write it down thinking I would remember, but now I have to dig through my stuff to find when it is.  I totally forgot that it was coming up and now I am worried that I haven't logged my numbers into my pump as much.  You see, I use the USB meter which isn't linked to my pump, so often times if I am just checking and not taking insulin I don't put that number into my meter (because it's an extra unnecessary step, that is unless you're seeing your nurse. 

I am feeling like my a1c should be much better than the last, but I don't want to completely get my hopes up because diabetes has its way of letting you down sometimes. But, I have been paying close attention to carbs and I have been working out and taking care of myself, so fingers crossed for that! I am also excited to tell them about my adventure, of course! Even though I think they will think I am crazy.

With all this sunshine and a week off of school I am ecstatic about hopefully crossing things off the to-do list as well as meeting with some friends.  Here is to a week full of sunshine and things getting done, also hope to find a trainer that is perfect for me!

Kayla 

Climbing it

Found on Google Images

There are millions of things in the world to do, see, touch and explore. A million things can be too many for one person to accomplish; however, when the opportunities arise saying 'YES!' is all it takes to begin the journey. After being diagnosed, I took diabetes as an opportunity; rather than a disadvantage. I sought out friendships, careers and adventures with a common denominator being my diabetes.  From this I have taken on many challenges and came out with great stories and experiences that have all been part of my life story, but here is the next adventure.

I was asked to participate in a week long adventure in Tanzania, South Africa. The details, I will be climbing Mount Kilimanjaro with seven other type one diabetics from all different nationalities. This hike will be video taped for a movie as well.  When first asked to do this I was scared and felt as if I could not even attempt it.  After some convincing from friends and family and a nights sleep I decided that I would be insane not to take this on.  I knew that if I at least didn't try I would always regret it.

This will happen on the last week of August and there will be electricity along the way so I will be able to blog.  Although it is five and a half months away from now, training will be key.  Luckily I have been working out steady for the past month and a half, so the next step is to amp it up.  To be honest, I am incredibly nervous and I am sure as the date gets closer I will become more and more scared of the trek; however, I love that I will be setting an example for many type ones around the world - showing them that anything is possible!

Kayla

The Advantage

See, some people see having diabetes as a disadvantage. How many times have you been told, you can't eat something because you have diabetes or that your life must suck having to count carbs and take needles. How many people have told you that they could never do what you do? When you so badly want to reply with, "yeah needles are worse than death for sure..." All the time as diabetics we are told what we can and cannot do when in reality we are doing amazing things each and every single day and the biggest one is keeping ourselves alive.

Diabetes can give us some advantages that we apply to life that those living without diabetes don't have.  I mean, there is other ways to get this bonus level filled with life advantages, but speaking from the diabetes experience here are a few things you learned as a diabetic that you can apply to life beyond diabetes.

1. No pockets? No problem.    Today at Yoga the instructor was mad because the clip was missing from her microphone's battery pack.  She was frustrated because she was wearing yoga pants that don't have a pocket and didn't know where to put the pack. The whole time I couldn't resist but feel superior as if I knew all the great spots to put a battery pack.  What she saw as a challenge, I saw as an every day life choice.. "where shall I put my pump today?"

2.  You know not to take life for granted.  I usually say this in most of my motivational speeches. You always hear about the terminally ill cancer patient running a marathon, or the man with prosthetic legs winning the race.  What is it about people being diagnosed with something sometimes life threatening that gives them the drive to live life to the fullest?  I don't know but I feel like a lot of people living with type one diabetes feel this too. We know how fragile our health can be and we grab life by the horns and get things done.

3. You're super aware of carbs.  Maybe hardcore dieters will know this just as well. But think about diabetes and our relation to food around us.  We are like the leaders of carb counting. We know what how many carbs we are eating, we know how many carbs our friends are eating and despite being bad at math we have calculated how much insulin we need.   Diabetics know food, so don't even try and tell us that there is no carbs in milk.

4. If we've had diabetes for awhile, we know how hospital run.  We are so familiar with the hospital that we don't even smell it when we walk in anymore.  Plus, if you're like me and think insulin smells like a hospital, you are comforted by the smell knowing that is the scent of life.  We know the process of checking into E.R's or doctor's offices... knowing to use key words like I AM DIABETIC to cut lines...

5. We always have something to talk about. Leave us in a room at a retirement home, and we are bound to find a friend. Even though though type one and type two diabetes is different, we do share things in common. Even a nine year old could talk about diabetes to a ninety year old.  So, never worry if your Grandmother corners your diabetic boyfriend, chances are they will bond.


Kayla

Celebration Bolus

Seeing other people with insulin pumps or just people that have diabetes in general has got to be one of the most exciting things for diabetics (in all senses of exciting diabetic things that could happen.)  I feel like as diabetics we are always on the alert for other diabetics.  We hear a tiny noise that sounds like a pump alarm and we are turning our heads around searching for the person with the retired pancreas.  It's funny because most of the time it turns out that the noise is just coming from your own pump.

Last night at a friend's party I was talking to someone, that I hadn't met before. Somehow the topic came up and I said that I had diabetes and he quickly pulled out a small metformin pill out of his pocket and was like, "I am type two!" Even though our stories were a little different, I couldn't stop laughing at how funny it was that he just pulled out his white pill as if I would pull out my insulin pump. So, at this point I was exciting even though he was type two (as if it is some kind of divider) but then, he points to a guy who was just walking into the room and says, "But, he has type one!" Can you imagine the excitement I was feeling at this moment.

I instantly ran over to the guy whom I had not noticed at all before and asked him if he had a pump.  At this point the others in the room that didn't know about diabetes were probably scratching their heads with confusion as I pulled out my insulin pump from my shirt and he pulled his out of his pocket and we started talking in diabetes lingo.

I instantly had to run upstairs to grab Vince to show him the diabetes club that I started in the basement. It was so sweet to hear him talk so nicely of me and my experience with diabetes.  I guess, I knew that he was super supportive, but hearing him 'brag' about me and my accomplishments made my heart smile.  

Afterwards, John (the type one) said that when he sees others with insulin pumps he makes sure he 'cheers' pumps.  He then joked and said we should do a celebration bolus...after checking my blood sugar I had to do a pretty big celebration bolus.  All in all it was a good night, and Vince had to laugh at me saying that I somehow always find diabetes in every situation.

Kayla

Wait, so you wear it in the shower?

I find that the majority of diabetes related questions that I get from people besides, "do you have the bad kind" and "so, you can't have any sugar, right!" are questions about my insulin pump.  A lot of people find it fascinating wondering how it works and what it does.  It's funny though because instead of asking sometimes the general public tends to assume things about it as well.  So, I decided I would make a list of pump misconceptions:

1. "Did you have surgery for that?"

I did not require surgery for my insulin pump.  I know you will compare this to something like a colostomy; however, no. I put in the site every three days myself with a cute little pink apparatus.

2.  "It must hurt!"

I'd be lying to say it never hurt; however, most of the time it does not hurt. There is the odd time that there is a stringing sensation when you first put it in or it will hurt over the three day span depending on a lot of things, one major one being if you've tugged on it a lot.

3. "How long do you wear it for?"

You are meant to wear it 24/7.  Some pumps are even water proof so you can wear it swimming. I have to wear my insulin pump in bed, the gym, to class, every single day - forever.

4. "Wait, so you wear it in the shower?"

My insulin pump (Medtronic) is not water proof, so no I don't  wear it in the shower. However, even those with water proof pumps, I'd be interested to know where they put it while showing... I would assume they also take theirs off.

"Oh right because you're naked..." 


5. "Do you like wearing that thing?"

It's not a fashion accessory I would have picked out myself; however, it  is a lot better than having to take needles in my own opinion. I have a lot more freedom with it being able to snack and work with different schedules.

6. "My cousin has diabetes, but is just on needles, does that mean he doesn't have your kind of diabetes?"

Not at all!  Diabetics can choose how they manage their diabetes.  While some choose syringes, some choose pens and others decide on the insulin pump.  I used needles for 1.5  years of my diabetes life.

7. "Does the tubing get stuck on things?"

You bet! The tubing gets stuck on a lot of things.  I once lassoed the oven door and opened it.

8. "Where does it go into?"  "Can I see it?"

The tubing leads to what looks like a bandaid with a plastic piece on it.  I put it mainly in my stomach and my lower back.

Usually I let people see the site and I unhook it so they can see what the piece going in looks like.

9. "Oh my gosh, you just unhooked it are you OK?" 

Yes, I am OK. How do you think I take it off to shower! I can unhook it for up to an hour.


Kayla

What Makes You Happy

Lately I have been on a kick of finding happiness. I guess, after reading The Happiness Project last year I have always had it in the back of my mind about what little things I can do to make myself happier. It's incredibly easy to fall into such a slump when you let the idea of happiness slip away from your train of thought.  First of all, it can be hard to get in a 'happy mood' when it's below zero outside and the snow is up to your knee caps; however, finding sunshine in a snow storm isn't impossible.

I have found going to the gym has been a great mood enhancer. It isn't always easy to get up and go  - once again when you have to brush the snow off your car and wear warm clothes to the gym... it can be daunting. However, once I get to the gym I am always enthusiastic about being there and feel a lot better afterwards.

Another happy pleasure is tanning. Yes, I know it's bad for you.  But, if you can put all judgements aside let me tell you that it makes me feel good. I feel less pale and ghostly and the fake sun makes me feel like I am on a ten minute vacation away from the miserable freezing temperature just outside the door.

Something else that has been making my happy is reading for FUN.  I tend to do this in the summer because I am not swamped with lecture material and course chapters to read, but I do miss it during the year. So, I make time to read for my pleasure just before bed or if I am obsessed - like I was with Life Of Pi then I read whenever I have free time.

Lastly, is I have been attempting to blog every single day (for February) because writing is one of my biggest passions and because I have this outlet I don't want a day to pass where I didn't give myself the opportunity to write. Plus, I know when I look back - the more I wrote, the more I will remember and know about exactly the person I was in that time frame.

I think it is important to be happy, so very important.  I know that having a positive outlook on life will truly change how you live your life and how you manage diabetes. Being happy about your life will and always will be the best choice you make.