Where I am or Where I am Going?

The hardest part of growing up is figuring how to you're going to get there. Although I still feel like I'm a young child at heart I am at an age where I have to make a lot of choices for myself and cannot rely on others to make them for me.

Truth is I have all the power - I can decide if I want to get out of bed and go to class, I can decide if I want to do my homework or assignments, but of course that's where responsibility comes into play. You learn how to be independent when you are on your own. You have to learn how to take care of yourself because no one is going to make you dinner when you get home from school and no one is going to do your dishes.

For me, I was diagnosed just before entering my first year of college. I had to learn how to take care of myself not only in the way that most people have to, but I had to manage my health issues all by myself. Although it seemed complicated and when I think about it - it's a pretty big responsibility some how I knew that I would be okay.

Now more than ever I am living a healthy responsible life while enjoying it all. I know that right now I have set goals, but the biggest journey and excitement comes from getting there. I don't know where I'll end up, but I am willing to take the ride there to figure it all out.

Kayla

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween to everyone tonight! I know that I have seen quite a few children and a few older 'children' walking around gathering candy. I can only be thankful that I was diagnosed with diabetes much later in life because I cannot imagine how hard it is on a child living with diabetes on Halloween.

I am so thankful for my pump because any candy that I get I am able to eat with a push of a couple buttons. The pump makes eating candy so much easier! Although I don't have piles and piles of candy filled in bags all sorted out in different piles - I can imagine all the children out there that do.

I hope everyone had a happy and safe Halloween!

Kayla

Pass it On

I find that the best way to let people know about something is word of mouth. Just simply telling someone about something can really get the message across. Since day one I have been wanting to reach as many diabetics as possible. I know how it feels to feel completely alone in your disease. Even though I know so many diabetics - I am usually the only diabetic in the room.

I am usually the only one sitting over a meal thinking 40 plus 15 plus 10 is 65 carbs. I am usually the only one pulling out a device and giving myself insulin. I am usually the only one pricking my finger and drawing blood more than 4 times a day. I'm just that diabetic in the room that no one can really relate too.

So sharing my blog with people is really important to me. I know that when a diabetic comes along my blog they are probably nodding their head in agreement with everything that I am saying. So many diabetics share the same experiences and feelings.

So since it is so important to me that my blog is shared I am asking for one simple request. If you read this blog copy the link and pass it on to a friend. The friend doesn't have to be diabetic - you don't have to be diabetic, but once this is passed on - I bet a diabetic will get their hands on it.

I want every diabetic out there to know that there is something real being said about diabetes. Beyond the medical terms - there is real life stuff to read about diabetes.

Pass it on!

Kayla

Trial and Error

I always think back to when I was younger - say ten to eighteen. At that point in my life I wasn't sure what I was good at or how the things I was good at would matter. I was good at writing - I loved and still love creative writing. I was good at babysitting and being the person mothers could count on if they ever needed their kids watched for a couple hours. All these things although they were good talents or qualities I didn't see as being very useful.

Some people could draw amazing pictures, play the guitar or piano - won awards and made the newspaper. Some people could sing in front of a huge crowd while some could score the highest grades on math tests. All of these things I was jealous of and wished that I had something to be proud of.

It wasn't until the end of my eighteenth year did I begin to find out who I was and what I could offer. Even at that point I wasn't too sure where life was really going to take me. Despite diabetes I was changing without it. I had went through some life changers and knew that without a doubt I was ready to pick up all the pieces and try and make a new picture.

Diabetes only enhanced my ambition - it gave me a place to write and gave me motivation to write. Not only did I learn not to be embarrassed about it - I learned that people are actually interested in my writing and really enjoy it.

Now I know what I am good at and sometimes surprise myself and realize that I am good at things I didn't think I was. I am willing to embarrass myself and learn. I know that I can succeed and be everything that I was jealous of before.

I am no afraid to be who I am and I know that it took twenty years to finally see this, but I think that that is how life works. You have to go through some trail and error and be a little insecure in order to find who you are and learn from it. I am sure another twenty years down the road I will be saying the same thing. I just know now that I am comfortable with myself and proud.

Kayla

Two Years

This past weekend was a busy weekend spent with someone who has been one of
my biggest supporters, Clinton and I celebrated our two year anniversary in Niagara Falls with some Niagara Canuck players and their girlfriends.

There is no card that would be big enough for me to write just how much I appreciate Clinton. He met me non-diabetic and went through the entire process as I slowly turned into a diabetic - and now forever am a diabetic. He has seen my highs and lows (literally) and has never given up on me. In fact he pushes me to keep going.

He understands me and believes in me. He doesn't see my diabetes as a hassle and seems to know just exactly what my sugar is even when I don't. I couldn't have even designed a better person for me.

I enjoyed spending the weekend with Clinton and now that two years has gone by I look forward to every year that follows.

Thanks for being such a great supporter - I love you.

Kayla

No Stress

For some reason I rarely worry about my diabetes. I don't worry so much if I forget my meter, don't have sugar on me, low battery on pump, run out of insulin - all these things should be something to worry about, but for some reason I know that I can figure something out and don't stress over them.

In fact I probably stress more about meaningless things; rather than important things like losing my life support basically. I have a feeling though that a lot of other diabetics are the same way. Maybe with the idea of, "If I constantly worried about my diabetes, I'd drive myself insane." At least this is how I feel. If I spent every second wondering what my sugar was, hoping my pump was working, checking if I had sugar, trying to be on target etc. I'd go insane.

It's great having other diabetics as friends and I consider myself lucky to know so many and have such great relationships with diabetics all over. I can't even imagine what it's like to not know anyone else that is going through this disease.

Diabetes has it's own jargon and lifestyle. We can throw out terms like bolus, b/g, basal, sugar and it all makes sense to us. We can say things like, "Are you high?" "How many needles do you take" without being labeled as a drug addict.

We can all just connect and not worry together - joke about not worrying, yet know if something serious arised we would know how to take care of it.

Kayla

Life Saver

It is unlike me to lose things, but unfortunately I think I may have lost my clip to my pump. Thankfully I have a spare one here, but if not I could have ordered one. You see the problem with not having a clip usually occurs for sleep time. If I am sleeping and don't have a clip I am in for a night of waking up and adjusting.

I think I've been conditioned to move my pump accordingly when I sleep. When I roll over I automatically slide my pump over which is clipped to the front of my pajamas or side, or back wherever I have some how moved it in my sleep.

Sleeping with the pump is probably on my top 5 list of things I don't like about the pump. When people ask me what I don't like about it that is usually around number one. I think that when you get into looking into the pump the hospital and doctors insist that it is the best of the best, but may forget to tell you some downfalls about it.

Somethings that aren't so nice about having a pump is wearing it. Having it on you 24/7 is annoying (at least for me it is) and most of all it is annoying to wear in your bra and when you are wearing pants without pockets or dresses/skirts.

Another thing is having to change your site. Okay, so I know people are giving themselves 4 injections a day, but having to go through the process of changing my site is annoying. It doesn't actually take that long, but getting up the motivation to do it isn't always easy. How can you convince yourself knowing you are going to be giving yourself a pretty large needle (promise yourself a treat because after all you need to make sure you put the site in right!)

Like covered before sleeping with the pump can be a pain. I never once have worried about my site falling out; however, who wants their hip bones rubbing against their pump. Like I said, moving it around seems to be a habit and either way it has to be worn.

So, I sound as if this thing I wear 24/7 is the worst thing in the world and really it isn't at all. It is amazing technology and I am so lucky to have it. This information is just true information that isn't really mentioned. However, it's all manageable. We all come up with ways to work around what we have and we deal with it.

Either way I doubt I would turn back to needles - no matter how many negatives there are about having the pump there is one big positive - it's saving my life.

Kayla