Lead the Way

So when life knocks you down you have to brush off your knees and get back up again.
You have to look ahead and not behind you.
You have to remember but move on.
You have to have no fear but you can be scared.
You have to know that there are people there for you.
You can't pretend that nothing is wrong, yet you can't live as if everything is wrong.
You can't change who you are.
You just can't.

I may have just jotted down those quick 8 thoughts in a matter of minutes but I have been thinking about them this past week. Since I have had time off after being in the hospital it's hard not to think about where this past year has taken me. Although in a short 4 days I will have had diabetes for a year it seems as if I may have had this disease for my entire life. Yet at times it feels like just yesterday that I was diagnosed.

I begin with saying when life knocks you down you have to brush your knees off and get back up again. Life took me right off my feet a few times and it's been hard to get back up I must admit. But some how with amazing support I've managed to carry on without having the speed bumps completely stop me from continuing on. I know that I am not the only one who deals with heartache, anger, pain, sadness and confusion. I know for a fact that there are people out there who have so many things to worry about beyond their control that I can only wish I could help them with. It's important that we all realized that we all go through these hurdles and we need to be there for one another even if that means lending a hand to help someone up.

I have to look ahead and not behind. My past incident did indeed scare me, but I cannot let that past incident stop me from looking ahead. I cannot be afraid of what is to come because the future is unwritten and if it is written we at least don't have permission to see the script. I will have scary moments to come and I know my life won't be a complete walk in the park but I cannot let the past scares predict what my future is. I am strong enough to lead the way.

Even though we cannot live in the past we cannot forget what has happened. Diabetes happened to me, it will always be 'happening to me' and what it brings to me along the way will only make me a stronger person, a stronger diabetic. What happens in life is strange, but it is also a bunch of lessons. Take the lessons and move on.

Don't fear the future. It's okay to be scared but you cannot have fear. We are all strong individuals who are scared of being hurt and taking risks but we can all conquer those battles with support from our family and friends. Be fearless.

Diabetes has given me the chance to build amazing relationships with my friends and family. I can personally guarantee every single one of you that there are people that are unconditionally there for you. Just know that you are not alone.

Things in life go wrong all the time, no one that I know of lives a perfect life, although it may look like it from afar. Things will go wrong all the time, nothing works out to be perfect but it's those little imperfections that make the moments more special and memorable. Some things will not work out but that doesn't mean nothing wont.

You can't change who you are. You are who you are. I am a diabetic but that's not only who I am. I have found myself through my disease and everyone can find themselves through different changes in their life. In the end you cannot be someone you're not. You have to work with it.

One simple incident has changed my entire life. It has made me appreciate my health and think about that special things in life that have made me who I am. I have realized just how fragile life can be.

Kayla

Monday Morning

Early Monday morning I woke up with a stomach ache around 1:30 a.m and I took Gravol thinking that it would take away my stomach ache so that I could go to sleep, for I had a midterm that day. Unfortunately about an hour and a half later, 3:00 a.m I realized the Gravol wasn't working and the pain in my stomach was only getting worse. Slowly I got out of bed, put my glasses on and went over to my desk to check my blood sugar. Before I knew it the room was spinning, I remember looking at the phone and it was just one big blur.

After that I don't recall what my motive was. I don't know if I was going to get help or if I was going to try and lay down. Either way I crashed down to the ground hitting the left side of my head off the hard door. After waking up I came running out of the room to get help. Thankfully Olivia was awake with her door open so she came to my rescue!

It was definitely scary and I am glad that Olivia was there. After checking my sugar I was at a 6 which is considered to be normal. I also checked and saw that my blood did go through my meter before I fainted which was 5.6. The scary part about that is that my sugars were completely normal yet I had this incident.

I called my mom as soon as things settled down and she immediately wanted to come get me from London and bring me to Brantford. At this time I was pretty stable so I was okay to drive home with my mom. In Brantford, my mom dropped me off at emergency and took my sister home. I was checked into emergency and stayed in a bed for about 6 hours while they ran tests. They didn't find anything wrong in my blood and my sugars were stable.

For now I am resting at home. My mom believes I have the flu and therefore I am taking sometime off school. It's really hard to be off school right now because it is a very busy week, but I know that if I am not well than there really is no point being there.

This was definitely a scare and I just have to make sure I don't let something like this stop me from achieving my dreams. I can't have fear.

Kayla

Buy That Bikini!

Since I will begin pump therapy soon I have started to think more about my health. I always have had an interest in fitness and eating healthy and I would say that I am pretty good at following a schedule if I put my mind to it.

On average I probably eat healthier than most people my age in college. I don't eat late night McDonald's or overindulge in chips. In fact I rarely ever eat Fast Food unless it's Subway. But it's time to narrow things down and put some more nutrition into my meals.

Being at school, it's hard to maintain eating healthy for every single meal. I don't have an oven in my suite so a lot of stuff is pretty quick and easy to make. I find that there is a lot of variety out there ;however, that you can do with a little budget and limited supplies.

At home before coming to school I made some low carb blueberry muffins. They are only 12 grams of carbs and 2 grams of fibre not to mention only 70 calories. Now, they don't taste like any muffin from Tim Horton's but they aren't too bad!

As far as fitness goes I am going to try and start running here. My friend Justine has offered to begin running since the weather is looking much better. Hopefully between running on campus and eating right I will be healthier in no time.

Going on the pump isn't the only reason that I want to get in better shape. I more so want to be happy and energetic. Confidence is beautiful and the only way that I know I can achieve that is through a healthy diet and exercises regime. Anyone can do this!

I will be sure to document my triumphs. First being, accomplishing a rocking climbing wall that I didn't think I could do. Yes, there were almost tears but I pushed myself (with a little pressure from below, Clinton) and did it. This is a fitness challenge that I took head on and accomplished. There will be many more to come.

So if you're interested try this lifestyle out with me. Push yourself! Buy that bikini you always wanted and work towards feeling confident in it. It's not about the numbers in the scale, it's about how you feel.

The pump isn't an excuse to get in shape but it's an accomplishment to works towards. The healthier I am, the better fit I will be with my pump and the more successful I will be with my diabetes.

Kayla

Brant News

Yesterday I was featured in Brant News. It was an amazing opportunity to let the rest of Brantford know what I am up too .

With only a week and one day left before the anniversary of my diagnosis it was a great way to finish my first year of diabetes. With countless amounts of personal achievements I am happy with the way the year has past by.

The title in Brant News was, "Living Life to the Fullest," and personally I couldn't have named it better myself. This is more than just diabetes this is a complete lifestyle. I am truly dedicated to working with this disease not against it and with that comes dedication to my future, friends and family.

There are people out there living with diabetes that believe there is no support. There are people that believe that they are the only ones. I want to be there for them all to show that there is support and you're not alone.

Thank you to Brant News for giving me the opportunity to share my story and thank you to all the readers that have given me strength and motivation.

Kayla

Don't Hide

It's a debatable topic that Clinton and I have discussed from time to time. I am quite sure that those who read this note will have their own personal opinion as well. It is the topic of where is an appropriate place I should give myself needles and check my sugar.

Personally, I believe that I have every right to give myself my medication at any given time or place. Okay, so there will be times when it is completely uncalled for (maybe) but the majority of the time being in public with diabetes shouldn't be a problem, should it?

This disease is pretty scary to people who are unfamiliar with it. Needles are a major fear, in fact it's called Trypanophobia, where a person has an extreme fear of medical procedures that involve injections. Not everyone fears needles to this extreme but a lot of people just can't stand to look.

So that's what I am thinking, don't look! None of us diabetics choose our disease. We didn't wake up one day asking for our pancreas to step aside so we can give insulin ourselves. We are people just like everyone else.

Not only can I bring fear to people through my needles but I can also scare people with my blood that I squeeze out of my fingertips. It seems as if diabetics cannot win in pleasing the people around them.

To be completely honest, half the time people do not even notice that I have given myself insulin or checked my blood sugar. Usually the people around me have already consumed half their meal by the time I have picked up my fork to begin.

I guess the argument is whether or not it's okay to do it in front of children, strangers or at a nice dinner. Strangely I don't believe that this issue is about manners; however, maybe some people do.

Clinton asked me if I give myself needles when I babysit or if I am working at the daycare and I said, of course! Clinton seemed a bit puzzled by this but I never even thought twice about hiding diabetes from children.

Type 1 diabetes also effects young, young children and most likely the children that I am exposing my diabetes to knows someone with the disease or will eventually meet someone along their life path with it. Perhaps their Grandma and Grandpa check their sugar every now and then. My reasoning is that it is usually very discreet, the needle is barely noticeable and the blood sample is less than that that comes from a picked scab. Children have seen needles and blood before, it's unlikely that they have never fell or gotten a medical shot at some point in time. The more we expose to children the more life experiences they can learn from it.

I always give myself insulin/check my blood in public whether it be in the classroom or at the mall. To me I don't see the point of finding a public bathroom to do something that takes about 2 minutes or so. I realize that people are always curious and if they aren't they simply won't be looking my way.

At a nice dinner such as the dinners I attended on the last cruise I was on I gave myself insulin right at the table. I was with family and my uncle who also gave himself insulin at the table, so it wasn't as big of a deal but all in all I bet nobody even thought twice about it.

We don't have people check their wheelchairs at the front doors of buildings. We don't prohibit people from setting their weekly pill organizer on kitchen tables and we don't find it rude or unmannerly for someone to expose scars from cancer procedures. There are people living in this world with countless numbers of illnesses and diseases. People with glasses, hearing aids, braces, pace makers, insulin pumps and canes. It may be something that interests, disturbs or shocks people but in the end what you have is a part of you and don't let anyone tell you to hide it.

Kayla

Living Like Me

It's hard to explain how great of a feeling I have when I am surrounded support. I have never been in a room full of people, some strangers, that were so friendly and interested in one another.

Last night I went to the Brantford Best Western for a presentation by Endocrinologist, Dr. Amish Parikh and Olympian Chris Jarvis. It was amazing to be around people that are living just like me because honestly when you're surrounded by non-diabetics you never truly feel like they understand completely. As I looked around the room and saw other diabetics, young and old I knew that their schedule was similar to mine.

The doctor really gave me some clear information about my diabetes that better helped me understand the insulin pump. Since the majority of people there had insulin pumps it was a perfect opportunity to pick up some information since I start therapy on March 26th 2010.

In particular the lady behind me was a mother of a type one that was on the pump. We both agreed that the concerns of the pump are different for everyone. Personally, my concern was wearing it all the time and what would I do in a dress? Thankfully those questions have been answered and I definitely have been reassured.

Chris Jarvis was very inspiring, for he proves that you can do anything with diabetes. Despite his University coach saying that he couldn't row because of his diabetes, he ended up making it to the Olympics!

Among all the diabetes there was someone in particular that showed me unconditional support, and this particular person was right beside me. Clinton came with me and once again looked more like the diabetic than I did. He was so interested in everything and even began to ask Chris more about his pump. Secretly I think Clinton wishes he could get one too!

Clinton has come to pretty much every event/symposium that I have attended and we are also going to another one next Tuesday. Even though Clinton doesn't have to worry about checking his sugar or giving himself insulin he acts as if he does which gives me the confidence that I will always have someone right by my side.

I will never be able to express how much it meant for him to be there beside me and buying him a double/double from Tim Hortons wasn't clearly enough but he enjoyed it. Thank you Clinton.

In conclusion the day was absolutely amazing and inspiring. I love going to events for diabetes because you can really hang out with a bunch of people that are just like you. I have never truly belonged to a club or team but now I have more than I could have ever asked for.
Kayla

One Touch

Thanks to One Touch it's pretty easy to collect all of their mini meters. Reason being is that they come in so many different colours and who doesn't want to have one in every colour. I don't remember if I have told the story about my ideal pink meter but I will tell it now: Just before being diagnosed I saw one of those One Touch Ultra Mini commercials, the one with all the different colours swirling around. For some odd reason I said that I would get a pink one if I ever had diabetes. Strangely enough it wasn't too long after that, that I was diagnosed and guess what? I got a pink one.

Since I have managed to collect a pink, green and purple one it's okay when I forget one somewhere as long as they are not all left in one place. On Sunday Clinton and I went skating and I packed my meter in with my skates, unfortunately after skating I decided to leave my skates at Clinton's house which means that I also left my meter there.

Okay, so I did remember I left it as I reached the end of his street but I knew that he went inside to bed and I knew that I had one back at home. Conveniently enough I had not only my pink meter at home but also my Nano (which I find too technical to use for some reason) so in the end I wasn't too worried about lack of equipment.

One thing about being diabetic is that you must always have back ups. Extra needles in your purse, a second pack of strips and in my case many meters in different colours.

Kayla