Sometimes it Actually Sucks

It's not always sunshine and rainbows.

It doesn't always have a happy ending or life lesson.

"Sometimes it actually just sucks," said one of my teens at my social group.

I am guilty of adding cheerful lessons of life, sentences of thankfulness and wrapping my sometimes sad blog posts with a glittery bow of, "but, it's all okay."  But, that isn't always the case.  In fact, most of the time diabetes isn't okay.

Last night I heard loud and clear that wrapping up blog posts with a happy ending isn't always wanted nor easy to swallow.  As a blogger for over eight years, I can't help but realize I have spent most of my writing career trying to balance the literal highs and lows of diabetes while trying not to complain too much, but also be honest.

As a generally positive person, it can be hard to spill out the frustrations and leave them untangled for everyone to read. I try hard to show how grateful I am by balancing my anger with praise.  While, I won't deny those feelings, after speaking to other people with diabetes I have come to realize sometimes that may come as a disservice to those that are trying to understand diabetes, or those that have diabetes and are trying to relate to me.

Loud and clear, diabetes is hard.  Living with diabetes is incredibly frustrating and at times feels like a giant black cloud that follows our every thought.  I worry about my future with diabetes, I worry that I am not doing enough or that one day I will look back and blame myself to an unbearable degree if I get complications or diabetes prevents me from being able to do something such as have a family. I worry about the people my diabetes effects, my fiance, my future children or my own personal well-being.  I also continuously worry about what I can do to give back to the community, to alleviate the frustrations of others.

As the positive person that I am, I still struggle a lot with balancing diabetes and my life. I brush off a lot of things and play down how much diabetes gets in the way.  I am not a 'perfect' diabetic, not even close and I want all those that read my blog or speak to others with diabetes to know that we are fighting a battle every single day.

As hard as it is to not wrap this up with that glittery bow, I want to be honest and I want to be clear, that diabetes....sometimes it actually sucks.

Kayla