Sleepless, Restless, but Alive.

Sleeping. Just imagine a sound sleep without getting up, a sound sleep with no beeps or buzzes.  It doesn't happen as much as I wish it would, but I've learned to appreciate those nights when my blood sugar stays steady enough that I do not have to visit the bathroom, every hour, or chug water by my bedside as if I hadn't drank in weeks.  I appreciate not having to slowly and quietly unwrap candies and eat them with my eyes half open and my thoughts still unconscious.

A full sleep without disruptions of my insulin pump going off or CGM warnings.  I am fortunate enough to work from home where my start time for work depends on me and on those nights that I spent half the night tending to my diabetes, I do not have to rush to my car in the morning.  I think of the people that are barely functioning as their alarm goes off because they're surround by crushed juice boxes that they had to down in the middle of the night. 

It just isn't a great sleep having that constant worry even if your blood sugars are fine. What if I go low? Am I low right now? I hope I am not high all night. Then there is that internal battle between yourself and well, yourself to get up and check, or get up and treat your low blood sugars. Fighting between the warmth of your bed and having to tend to diabetes. 

I think about all my great new-mom friends with type 1 diabetes who are tending to their newborns and also having to tend to their diabetes, they deserve gold stars for their ability to wake up human every single day. 

However, each morning we do get up and we do go on with our days because doing both, manaing our diabetes and living out our lives is equally important to us.  Not allowing diabetes to take away all of our energy, despite feeling drained some mornings.   

We just do it, sleepless, restless, but alive.