There are parts of my days that I feel out of commission. Like someone found my pin, pulled it and I am slowly deflating. My head is pounding, and I am angrily checking my blood sugar and begging it to go down. I feel thirsty and upset and I want to crawl back into bed, but I can't because I have a life to live. I have written about having an invisible illness before [Invisible Post] but, as I read it over, I realize I focused more on the physicality than the practical portion of what truly makes living with an invisible illness difficult, so I am going to take some time today to post about it.
The other day at work my blood sugar shot up. I couldn't think of why it would shoot up so fast and so aggressively, but regardless I accepted it. I was working at this point, so I took some time to change my site and made sure I was checking every 30 minutes or so. At this point I felt all the classic high symptoms and I kept thinking to myself, if I had a non-invisible disease and you could clearly see that I was sick right now, it would be more acceptable to leave. In my mind when I am high or low, I do not see the urgency for what it really is. I deal with it and hope that it goes away fast. But, we all know that isn't always the case.
I have a strong suspicious that many people living with diabetes hardly ever take themselves out of the ringer when dealing with highs or lows. That many of us keeping going because we do not want to make a big deal about it. So, I may have to use the bathroom every 15 minutes, and I may chug water straight out of the water cooler, but I am here. I am present, but I am so incredibly high.
As bias as I am, I like to think that people living with diabetes are for the most part strong headed. A lot of us just keep pushing on, despite feeling like trash at least once a day, whether that is at 2 a.m, 5:30 p.m or the entire day. But, what I think is important to take from this is that we do deserve a break and especially when we are high or low. There is no reason to push aside our health because it doesn't 'appear' bad.