Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Private Lows

I do not like to bother people when my diabetes needs attention.  There is something about being low, that makes me quiet. That hushes me from alerting people, I try to figure it out on my own. I reach into my bag quietly and unroll a package of rockets to shove into my mouth.  I try not to make anyone stop for me, keep going and I will catch up.  But, why?  Is this my low brain or is this how I handle my lows?

I often go low in the night despite my efforts to stop it from happening.  I wake up from my slumber feeling off, and I usually lay there until my brain wakes up and realizes it's go time.  I get up from bed, trying to be quiet without disrupting M and Cola.    When I lived alone, I would often bring my food up to my bed and enjoy a comfortable snack in bed, but now I fear waking up M and not because he would care, but I just don't want him to have to deal with me. Although, sometimes I am so low, I think I should wake him. But then his sleep is ruined, I think to myself.

I sit quietly in the kitchen with my collection of snacks.  All a blur, because I am half asleep.  This isn't just a night time thing either. I can't blame my sleepiness for being so private about my lows. In public, I often try hard to just be 'normal' until I can find space to eat.  I count my change in my shaky palm and order something from the cashier without mentioning my low blood sugar or diabetes, I finish up my work, hoping to get to my bag before I drop to the ground.

'I'll get there, I will take care of this, but I need to get this done first.'


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