Monday, October 22, 2012

True Tests

I've had to withdraw myself from my blog for about a week or so. Finding myself extremely busy with the rest of my life, and not finding the time to actually sit down and write it all down.  It's funny, sometimes I will be laying in bed and all of a sudden my mind starts thinking as if I am writing a blog post, it seems perfect, but being so sleepy and ready to turn off to the world, I just let my head ramble off a blog post without ever writing it down.

In the past week I have been pushing myself along with diabetes being just that thing that hangs off my hip.   Of course, I have been going through the routine of blood sugar checking and insulin giving; however, I have somehow managed to think of diabetes LESS than normal and I credit school and my busy lifestyle to that.  

This past Friday I was in a serious car accident and it wasn't until after that moment did I begin to get that feeling back that I had when I was first diagnosed.  That, 'holy cow life is fragile' moment.  Here, I was escaping an accident with mild bruises thinking about how much worse it could have been.  Yes, I have to get a new car, yes I am feeling stiff and achey, but honestly, I would take this over anything else - and this is exactly what I said when I was diagnosed with diabetes.

It's strange because at the same time I think, okay if x is worse than y, then what are the people with x saying? What is the ultimate WORST thing - maybe that's just a little too philosophical. Anyways, just like diabetes, I found myself thinking of worst case scenarios that could have happened and reminding myself that I escaped with bruises and that is O.K.

But, after all was said and done and I was trying to sleep, I had that same feeling once again like I did after thinking about the fact I was diagnosed, I began questioning WHY ME! something I know I felt when I was first diagnosed a lot.  The question about why you deserve something to happen to you when you know you did nothing wrong to deserve it.  Still today, I question that every now and then and I am finding after the accident I am feeling the exact same.

When it comes down to it, my positivity that diabetes has brought out in me as been a good trait in situations such as this.  I am over it. I am over that my car is no longer a car... I am over that I could have done NOTHING to change what has already happened, and I am ready to move on and learn from everything that has happened to me throughout my life.

That strength came from my diagnosis and these little bumps, dips, dives and hurtles is where the true tests come and I shine through.


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