There is something about living with diabetes that almost erases all your memories of not living with diabetes at some point in your life whether you were diagnosed at 12, 15 or 18. I have lived more years withOUT diabetes (18 years) than with diabetes (7 years), and yet I can barely grasp the concept of eating something without any consequences... Maybe this is some weird coping mechanism, so I don't think back to those care-free days, but regardless, those 'feelings' of life without diabetes are most definitely gone.
This morning as I got up, after a few low blood sugars throughout the night and previous day, I began to think of all the times diabetes has really taken me back. The number of hours of missed sleep, the number of sporadic purchases of sugar in stores to bring myself back to normal, the time I spent grumbly picking fights because my blood sugar was so high that my mind and heart were broken. All of the times diabetes set me back from going for a run, driving, going for a walk.... There are so many times that diabetes has reared its head into my life beyond any of what I think people imagine diabetes does.
Diabetes isn't just about making healthy food choices and getting in physical activity. Diabetes isn't even just about carb counting, insulin injections or blood sugar checks. Diabetes is a life changing disease that alters almost, if not everything that a person does. Diabetes is serious. Diabetes takes time away from things I love, diabetes takes a piece of mental capacity away, diabetes breaks my heart sometimes. People with diabetes are fighting a battle every single day, every single second and we do not always understand the circumstances nor can predict what will happen.
I cannot remember the days where my sugar intake did not make a difference to my mood, body, feelings, strength.
I cannot remember the days that I did not have to get up and use the bathroom to fight the sugar that runs amuck of my body.
I cannot remember the days that I did not have to stop, focus my mind, try to stay alert and get glucose in my system as fast as possible.
I do not remember because for the past seven years I have been fighting every single second to be healthy and live my life alongside my diabetes.