Friday, March 21, 2014

Losing My Mind

You know on the movies when the mom is making dinner and the kid keeps screaming, banging on the table and the mom just freaks out. She yells and locks herself in the closet... well I am now picturing Sex in the City 2 when Charlotte can't handle her children anymore. Well, that is how I feel about diabetes sometimes. Like I am Charlotte and I can't handle children anymore.  Instead of children screaming it's my insulin pump and instead of the child banging on the table, it's me losing my mind because my blood sugar is high.

Charlotte from Sex in the City 2 Movie (Thanks Google!)
As much as I'd love to be like Charlotte and lock myself in the closet and cry, there are times when you have to take action because, well you can't just walk away from diabetes. Not that you can walk away from your children, but sometimes you can hire a babysitter. No one babysits diabetes, I am the full time guardian of this disease and it's never leaving my side.

I have been extremely stressed lately. To the point that I have given myself hives for the past three weeks which includes the random swelling of whatever body part it feels like swelling, this morning half of my upper lip.  I am assuming this is stressed induced as I have ruled out all other allergies etc.  I also was told that this was a response I had as a child.  I was very attached to my mother (hmm, maybe like said picture above) Anyways, I would not want to leave her, so if there was a class trip, BAM! I would get hives.  

While I don't live with my mom anymore, other stresses have replaced that attachment issue.  Now it is everything changing and ending, starting and pausing. I have so many ideas of what I want to do, what I need to get, what needs to be finished. I realize this list never stops. It isn't about getting things done, it's about learning how to handle it.  But, please, let me rant.  I get that everyone has things they have to do and I totally accept all the tasks I take on, but with this added diabetes thing, at any minute I feel like everything can change.  The vibrations of my insulin pump going off means a site change, and yes, it's easy and it's quick, but sometimes I just don't want to do it.  But like I mentioned this isn't something you can just neglect or send away. It all has to be done.

Tomorrow I booked myself into the spa for an hour pedicure (I had a gift card, I'm not in any means in a position to pay for one myself...) I am hoping that for that hour I can take my mind off whatever is causing my stress. That I can take the time for myself, which I feel selfish for saying, but seriously. Tomorrow my good friend Michelle is also coming by, which will be fun and relaxing since I could use a big laugh and I know that's bound to happen.

I know that diabetes is going to be following me for the rest of my life, so I think that I need to learn to ask for help sometimes, look for advice and not feel horrible for wanting to throw my diabetes supplies out the window and hide in my closet.


1 comment:

  1. I totally understand how you feel... i have been a diabetic for 13 years now and I want to just throw out my supplies turn off my pump and just hide away but if you do that then it cause more problems... I think the only people that can understand this is the people that are living with diabetes... Thanks for your post.