"I checked to see if you were breathing twice in the night. Once before I had fallen asleep, and the second I woke myself up to check. I looked over and watched the covers raise up and down and I knew you were alright. "
This isn't something you want your loved one to have to say, but knowing that they did, is both heartwarming and tragic at the same time.
The first night of high blood sugars, I must have gotten 5 complete minutes of sleep. I had to visit the bathroom so frequently, I was considering moving my blanket and pillow in there. I woke up feeling like garbage, and had a breakdown at the grocery store because I couldn't find macaroni salad for a party we were going to. I literally had zero energy and felt like I was walking in a weird fog. I was checking my blood sugars and watching them barely budge, it would go down a few and then up another couple a few hours later. Like an awful teeter-totter that I just couldn't get off.
I once again changed my site, and new insulin and checked frequently until it was time to go to sleep. Mike asked if I should stay up, but I knew that that meant staying up for awhile, there was no way insulin was going to drop my 28 mmol/L blood sugar within the next 30 minutes. For anyone that has had a long period of high blood sugars, knows that your 'care' begins to slowly float away. I just wanted to sleep, I was pissed off at my diabetes and I was done dealing with it.
Thankfully, Mike was not done with dealing with it. He was worried, and checked on me in the night. It hit me in the morning (when Mike said he had checked if I was breathing) that it takes a village to take care of one person's diabetes. When we feel like we literally cannot, someone can and most importantly, someone will.