Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Stolen Patience

Diabetes stole my patience.

Well, maybe I never had patience.  I am not really sure. I guess we all have some level of patience whether that is the fact we can wait until payday before attempting to borrow money or we wait to text someone until after noon. Either way, my level of patience decreases immensely as my blood sugar rises and slowly I feel myself losing my control.

 I know I am losing my patience and have attempted to breath. Like, yoga breaths the ones they make you do before and after you begin and end...well I think you have to do that breathing throughout the whole process, but I only remember to do so when they tell me.  Either way, I am attempting to recognize the fact that when my blood sugar is high my tolerance for people, things, animals, sounds, and just about anything you can think of is low.

I'd like to think that before diabetes I could have handled anything, but obviously that isn't the case. I can't completely blame diabetes for this lack of patience, although as one with diabetes might be aware, it's super easy to blame diabetes for personal flaws.  I just know that this particular 'impatient' feeling is from diabetes. I see it in other diabetics, I see it in E, I see it in my friends with diabetes, I feel it.

It's incredibly hard not to let diabetes define my personality. As I am not diabetes, but an individual living with type 1 diabetes. But, when it grabs a hold of you in every which way, it's hard not to let diabetes boss you around, because let's face it, it isn't me bossing you around it's my high blood sugar or maybe it's not even my blood sugar, maybe it's frustration with diabetes itself.

Regardless more and more I am realizing this impatient truth that diabetes has marked me with.  This frustration to get things done now, or not at all. This phase of giving up before I should, this gut feeling like I am losing control of my diabetes or
of myself.


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